Unconditional Love

The essential ingredient of Life

The thing we are all craving for, is Love. Lack of it, gets the blame for almost everything in our miserable lives, from physical dysfunction and illnesses to psychological and behavioural disturbances resulting in under achievement at school, at the workplace, and in relationships with consequences that disturb the nation, such as murder, torture and cruelty. Why is it, that, knowing we are all desperate for more Love, as time goes by we seem to be getting less and less of it? On the other hand, our spiritual leaders, clergy and otherwise, talk to us about Unconditional Love as being the essential ingredient for a happy future, both personal and as a race. Where is it, and why does everybody around me only hurt me?

Unconditional Love - Love with no strings attached, no returns expected, no "buts" at the end of it, wouldn’t that be nice? Why don’t I get that? Why does there always seem to be an ulterior motive when I receive love? Why does it make me think "What does he/she want now?" I always hope that this time it will be different, but invariably I find out what the cost of being nice is. Why can’t he/she ever just be nice for the hell of it?

Have you ever stopped to think that the other might be saying the same things and might be feeling the same desperation? Or do you believe you are the only one who is hard done by? Are you the only victim in this play, in this search for happiness and love? Are you the only one, because the others always get what they want at your expense? Then either that person will stay with you as you are the supplier of his/her happiness, in which case you make the decision to stay and perpetuate the situation, or that person leaves, not because he/she has found eternal happiness and love, but because they haven’t found it in spite of what you might think. Nobody who is happy with his or her treasure will leave it behind voluntarily!

Unconditional Love - Love that keeps giving, no matter what the response is; Love that turns the other cheek, not to provoke but to forgive; Love that never tires of caring and gentleness. Love not to be received but to be given. Love thy neighbour as thy self - or, in the case of an epidemic of low-self esteem, more than yourself.

Love isn’t about what we should receive or what our rights are. It is simply about what our duties are. It is our duty to love all people for better or for worse, disregarding what they do to us. It is our duty to forgive, not once, but seven times seven. We need to forgive everything, all the time.

Yes, I have heard this before. But what about being taken advantage off? What about losing my job, my house, my money, my wife? If I don’t protect my belongings and continue to give everything away, I will end up with nothing!

Attachment is based on fear and insecurity. We chase these symbols of security - money, a good job, a nice wife, etc. - because we don’t know ourselves. Those who seek security chase it a lifetime without ever finding it. It remains elusive, because security can never come from material things alone. In fact, money and material wealth makes people even more insecure, frightened, dependant. The search for security and certainty is actually an attachment to the known. And what is the known? The known is our past. It is the prison of our past conditioning. The known does not allow for any evolution, and when there is no evolution, there is stagnation, disorder and decay.

The alternative is Uncertainty. The unknown is the field of all possibilities, always open to the creation of new manifestations. Without uncertainty and the unknown, life is just a repetition of outworn memories. You have become the victim of your past. What was, will be!

If we no longer have to be afraid of losing our precious possessions, we no longer have to fight. If we no longer have a fixed plan about what life should look like, but can allow it to develop into whatever it will turn out to be without being afraid of letting anyone down or not coming up to someone’s standard, life can do nothing else but please us. Love and Forgiveness become the tools of our daily movement, because everything that happens to us is fine and is accepted with love; any pain that arises out of our day is a wonderful experience and is welcomed, the bearer of the pain thanked. Detachment of our worldly possessions guarantee a freedom, not known to our society as a whole and resisted by it in the false belief that knowing is the future, gives you control. What a shame to find out that, outside your control, your precious house has burned down and you have nowhere to go; that, outside your control, the stock market has collapsed and you are once again a pauper, this time without a purpose. What do you mean : At least I know that money can buy me things which will make me feel secure? Security attached to material things, including people - "I feel safe when I am with him." - is an illusion. Security lies in the lack of expectation. When you don’t expect anything at all, then you are totally free, because whatever it is life is dishing you up, you will feel good and grateful about it. There will be no disappointment, no blame for things gone wrong. You are secure in the knowledge that Life is good and will give you everything you need, measured on the true scale of needing, rather than the scale of greedy.

But how will I survive, if I give everything away? Who will provide for me? How can I make sure nobody is going to hit me again, or rob me again?

You want to be "affluent"? The word affluence comes from the root word "affluere", which means "to flow to". And another word for money is "currency". The word currency comes from the Latin word "currere" which means "to run" or to flow. If we stop the circulation of money - if our only intention is to hold on to our money and hoard it - we will stop its circulation back into our lives as well. Like a river, money must keep flowing, otherwise it begins to stagnate, to clog, to suffocate and strangle its very own life force.

Every relationship is one of give and take. Giving engenders receiving, and receiving engenders giving. In reality, receiving is the same thing as giving, because giving and receiving are different aspects of the flow. The more you give, the more you will receive. However, the most important thing is the intention behind your giving and receiving. The intention should always be to create happiness for the giver and the receiver, because happiness is life-supporting and life-sustaining and therefore generates increase. If, through the act of giving, you feel you have lost something, then the gift is not truly given and will not cause increase. The return, when a gift has truly been given, is directly proportional to the giving when it is unconditional and from the heart. In practice, this means : if you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation; if you want material affluence, help others to become materially affluent.

You seek Love and material wealth? Seek no more, you can have it all. Not by demanding, not by hoarding your belongings bit by bit, but by giving it all away with Love. Give what you seek, and become rich in material and spirit. Trust life to provide. Trust the insecurity of life to guide you to happiness, to Love - eternal wealth.

Dr Patrick Quanten

July 1996