Parsley writes regularly for the 'ART ROCKER' e-zine (www.artrocker.co.uk). Archived below are some of his previous contributions.

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CD Review : Thunderbirds - World Premiere soundtrack album (Silva Screen FILMCD 606) Well, like the wages of sin, the wages of Art Rocker are hell, but similarly the perks are bloody marvellous. It was at last Wednesday's Dutronc gig & I was handed my own early copy of this amazing collection of Barry Gray's most well known musical hour. How could I not review it ?!
1. Main Title - pucker start including countdown, action and march sequences
2. Sunprobe - nail biting stress theme with a little reprieve at the end.
3. Tracy Island and International Rescue - the music that leads up to launch.
4. Monorail to Disaster from 'The Perils of Penelope' - this has an amazing opening you won't have heard before going into the familiar percussion and strings leading up to danger. Occasionally there are freaky bits that were apparently cut from the action.
5. Thunderbirds are go! - This starts with the Thunderbird 5 sequence before blending seamlessly into the march that accompanied other launches. Further march sequences follow, building to a full 4 and a half minutes worth, including the version from TV21 Themes.
6. Dangerous Game - Latin Rhythm instrumental from 'The Cham Cham' - great schmoozer for your next cocktail party.
7. Suite from 'Vault of Death' - this is the whole 8mins47 of the London pastiche mischievous sequence as the Tracy boys try to break into the Bank of England to save a bank clerk, whilst Parker thinks they're trying to stop his old prison cellmate 'Light Fingered Fred'. Cracking piano break version of the theme in the middle.
8. The Man from MI.5 - a full 4mins28 of this delicious sax led spy theme. Buy the album for this alone - it's great !! Goes from a straight rhythm theme into an excellent jazzy groovy one.
9. Suite from 'Desperate Intruder' - This is the Hood's arabic swansong, and immediately you see Brains up to his neck in sand sweating, his glasses having been nicked by that rotter.
10. Commercial Break - this brings together the short 'stings' for advert breaks with music arranged for Lyons Maid ice cream adverts. Hey, let's go out and get some FAB ice lollies !
11. Dangerous Game from 'The Cham Cham' - Sylvia Anderson as Lady Penelope as Greta bleedin' Garbot a.ka. Wanda Lamour is magnificent, and also hilarious.
12. Let's Play Ad Lib from 'The Cham Cham' - This is cool jazz for club sequences. Great to hear it with the dialogue removed.
13. Lady Penelope on the Move - lost track from United Artists 'Thunderbirds Are Go!' album. Suite from 'Pit of Peril' :
14. The Fate of the Sidewinder - familiar lurching number whose movement matched the ill-fated machine it accompanied.
15. Pit of Peril - saving the guys music gives way to a succession of danger sequences.
16. Rescue - more danger, but eventually the boys pull the guys out.
17. Jeremiah and Lady Penelope from 'The Impostors' - Beverley Hillbillies version.
From 'Trapped In The Sky' :
18. Deadly Plot - The Hood and Fireflash - More evil Hoodfest music gives way to triumphant theme.
19. Fireflash Landing - This is the one you'll remember from the 'aircraft about to crash' sequences, but it has some extra bits, that I don't remember in the show, but that you can hear clearly, and which are amazing, including extra bits of double bass.
20. FAB 1 Pursuit - Penelope and Parker give the Hood a rough ride as usual.
21. The Tracy Lounge Piano - One for sitting around the pool and bashing out on the white grand piano. Good to know this cheesy stuff will still be played in 2066 by Virgil Tracy, although apparently it's Barry Gray himself here.
22. End Titles - The full monty ending.
The booklet is delightfully comprehensive and includes listings of musicians and studio sessions. Ralph Titterton, who I remember from Fanderson (Gerry Anderson fan club) fun in the eighties, painstakingly pieced Barry Gray's recording back together from where they were sitting in a lock up in Chelsea. Mere mortals like ourselves can now enjoy the fruits of his labours. The sleeve features a super rare photo of Jeff Tracy wearing international rescue uniform. I gather this was a test photo that has had to be doctored, because in the absence of what became their logo, the Doctor Barnardo's logo was temporarily used. The booklet features a pleasing well-matched selection of the images that the music evokes. The guys behind this commercial release are the same guys that have been putting together the excellent Fanderson releases. Nice that their good work will get to reach a wider audience now. Can't wait for the UFO double CD !

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Concert Review : Stone Soul Picnic - Fab Club 08/02/03
The guys from Nottingham made their first appearance in London for 2 years, and I dashed over from Art Rocker at the Metro to have a look. The club was a little lightly attended, and we put this down to the collapsing central London transport system e.g. no central line. It picked up a bit during the band's performance. It seemed the lounge/Hammond set had turned out for the show, with senior lunar lounge crew, and a Gene Drayton Unit member in attendance. Quite right too, because these guys were right up their alley. Justin on keyboards began with some Hammond problems. Apparently Hammond and Leslie had been dead on arrival, and they also conked out again 2 songs into the set. It troubled the audience very little as he effortlessly switched to electric piano, whilst a guy appeared from nowhere and tinkered with it till it was back in action. They did many lounge classics, including an excellent 'full' version of the Dave Allen theme. Their Scottish drummer was particularly impressive, keeping his jacket on for the whole set - very rare - while stonking the beat. As the venue filled out the audience got enough confidence to dance, and the groovy set was made for it. Well done guys.

TV review : Never mind the Buzzcocks BBC2 Monday 9pm 10/02/03
Switched on to find myself staring at Christian of Art Rocker faves 'The Datsuns' on this pop quiz show. I was a bit gutted that I missed how he was introduced, but maybe I'll remember to catch the repeat. Other guests included the singer out of Dr. Hook. Happily there were no artistic tantrums to get in the way of the comedy, and Christian was particularly successful at spotting the guy that sang 60's hit 'Come Outside' in the identity parade bit, from his feeling that he had a bit of 'savvi' about him. He also managed to remember the lyrics to his own songs - a test that many music celebrities fail at (as did the guy from Dr. Hook).

Radio review : The 99p challenge Radio 4 Tuesday 6:30pm 11/02/03
Sue Perkins hosts this reassuringly surreal quiz show, where 4 people that are definitely involved in comedy (although you can't be sure exactly what they do) provide wacky answers to wacky challenges for the chance of winning 99p. These included school announcements, where they came up with a fresh slant on 'school outings', and a schedule for an Arabic TV station. Like a lot of these shows you never know how much they've had a chance to prepare or how much is scripted, but either way there's usually enough to manage a wry grin at least. Armando Ianucci was his usual disturbing excellent self.

Concert : Anne Husick, Monday, 17/02/03, 12 Bar Club, 22-23 Denmark St, London
Obviously I wouldn't dare plug all my gigs this week that Anne is appearing at, but if you want to take in her set without the danger of seeing me on stage, she will be doing it again at the wonderful 12 Bar Club next Monday.

Buy : Strawberry Crisp, oat clusters with real strawberry pieces (breakfast cereal). Lidl £1.29
This stuff has got the lot. It's majorly sprinkled with freeze dried strawberries like astronauts have, and it's totally delicious whilst being stupidly cheap. Eat and enjoy.

Buy : Mobile phones without the network at Comet
I confess I have not been a massive fan of Comet, Currys, Dixons et al after an expose revealed how they got prices down. They agreed to provide their own after sales instead of manufacturers and then did very little with items returned as faulty... and their prices were still often higher than John Lewis or Argos, and they gave you the feeling you were buying from a street trader. Anyway, last weekend I did find myself at Comet because they have the most reasonable prices I could find for SIM-free mobile phones (not attached to any specific phone network). As I sort of suspected they immediately took me into a back room where they hoped to convince me that a contract was more sensible, but they let me out quite promptly when I was clear about not being interested. I was also served promptly. Well done, Comet Mill Hill.

Useless facts (thanks kingbeard@kingbeard.co.uk) : Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie. Certain frogs can be frozen solid then thawed, and continue living.

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Quick venue guide : Germany/Austria
I was out with The Adventures of Parsley for 5 dates in Germany/Austria, and it was a major hoot. 3 of my guys were new to this touring malarkey, and they responded to it by staying out far too late and having a whale of a time. Here's a guide to the 3 places we played that I haven't told you about before.
Key: D - Dancing afterwards, S - Shower at venue, H - Hotel accommodation (otherwise it was at someone's house), R - Restaurant meal / T - Take away at venue (otherwise was in house catering)
Gleis 22, Münster - [cafe during the day, wacky artistic sculptures surround it]
Waldsee, Freiburg - D R [hall at side of top restaurant, great but obscure post-gig music] Sonderbar, Feldkirch (Austria) - H [groovy bierkeller underneath excellent hotel]
Looking forward to going back in May with The SolarFlares.

Film review : The Manchurian Candidate
Yes, it's not new, but we watched it in the back of the van on tour, and it was interesting and has some resonance just now. Soldiers captured in Korea by the Russians are brainwashed into believing that they have just achieved a victory thanks to one of their number, played by Laurence Harvey. He's being groomed as a puppet for the Russians. The problem is that their officer, excellently played by Frank Sinatra, is having flashback dreams about the brainwashing, where the Russians get Harvey to kill in cold blood as a demonstration. It's very well done and a real quality item. The question it raises now is whether the paranoia of such 'spy' style films plays into the hands of the draconians who can always imagine how evil the 'other' side might be. The film was originally delayed for release because it involves assassination and coincided with Kennedy's. Angela Lansbury of 'Murder She Wrote' is amazing as Harvey's horrible mother. Janet Leigh is delicious as the girl that helps Frank when he's losing it in New York.
Overall Rating : thumbs firmly up. Makes you think, and is beautiful in black and white, with very evocative music. It has emphatically stood the test of time.

Hero of the week : Iain 'man of sideburns' Pitchford
Iain plays bass with Honey and the Hucksters, and has also survived driving for the Siers, and last week for the Adventures of Parsley. With a background in nursing the mentally ill, he is obviously prime tour driver material. He is also well qualified from his appearance on 'world's worst drivers', where he showed fine command of the vernacular. [The day after he was on, some of his patients had difficulty convincing him they were not crazy when they all claimed to have seen him on TV]. He kept calm, and greeted the longest tour drives with good humour. He was a star on the merchandising sales, and a hoot in the apres gig. All in all, an excellent man.

Buy : When record players ruled the Earth
This week's Radio Times (1-7th Feb) has a brand new top-loading oak veneer record player on page 133, that is sorely tempting. It's got built in speakers and a pre-dansette look. It also comes with CD and cassette for those who have some of their music in those wacky formats !

Concert review : King Size 5, Downstairs at the Kings Head, Crouch End, Friday 31/01/03
I was tempted into this by the commanding presence of bass player Sean Kelly, whose music CV includes Pimp Floyd, Holy Man Jones, Madness covers band 'One Step Behind', The Helium Divers and my own Adventures of Parsley, where he is known as Sage. The evening kicked off with stand up comedy, which despite being okay was going down like the proverbial lead balloon. The second guy wisely cut his stint short, got his biggest laugh for giving up, and then reappeared with a sax to lead the band. They were resplendent in wide collared shirts and jackets. The set was groovy fun, but I could say that despite being great musicians and a cool band, they kept themselves out of the GDU league by the use of a synth instead of the obligatory backbreaking Hammond. A guy who sang an excellent James Brown joined them at one point for a couple of numbers. The drummer was delivering razor sharp energetic funk. Guitar, keys and sax performances were highly polished. Sean, as ever, was the solid anchorman for the groove, and as a result it seemed every girl in the house was dancing.

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Album Review : Dee Rangers - So Far _Out_ So Good
Well I was honoured to record and perform with these crazy Swedes last week, and it was a total hoot. The guys also gave me a copy of their last amazing album. Here's the run down :
Side A 1. Total Despair : Stonker to open 'in the night time' style, but meaner.
2. Baby Come Home : "Roses are red, violets are blue, I feel so small when I'm with you", raunchy Stones-style grinder, with a bluesy solo.
3. Gotta Move : Street rocker with a nice hook line, and the boys join in the driving chorus.
4. Please come back to me : Stooges-style slower one with howling harmonica licks.
5. A lot of fun : Driving riff gives way to a chant to having fun. With the reverb, singer Mike sounds a bit like Dave Vanian on this one. Nice tremolo guitar chords.
6. Out of orbit : Killer spy guitar riff instrumental. Nice bass solo twangs before howling harmonica.
Side B 1. Way out of line : This side opens with a growling rocker of a number. Quite Monkees backing vocal moment in the middle.
2. Ultimate Expansion : phased guitar opens this chirpy little party number. What's this ultimate expansion ? Well it sure as hell ain't another branch of Ikea.
3. Get Out Of My Mind : Cool Bo Diddley style rocking number.
4. Jungle Limo : the guys monkey around with some chamber drum sound and some bendy tremolo guitar licks. Maybe the infinite monkeys recorded this before they wrote Shakespeare.
5.My Lawn Is Green : Traditional r'n'b harmonica fest.
6. I Can't Understand : The guys finish with an organ augmented low pop rumble.
They penned all these great songs except 'My Lawn Is Green'. The joy of the Dee Rangers on stage is that they are amazing to look at because they go against the grain of anything you could expect. Johnny Elfström is the tallest thinnest bass player you've ever seen, with a West Coast freakbeat look. Alongside him Mike Eriksson on vocals is a surprise package: He looks mild-mannered and he's the shortest Swede you have ever seen. Then he opens his mouth and you get a great raunchy vocal delivery, and he also plays a mean harmonica (or pig snout as they call it). Nicke Öhman is the fantastic twangy guitarist, and except for being right-handed he is definitely a member of the Swedish order of Dan Whaley/Charles Napiers, with his chunky sideburns and impish grin. Bringing up the rear of the stage on drums is Uffe Pettersson. With deliciously rock length hair and a very continental moustache, he pounds the skins and delivers the grins for the boys. The album comes with an insert where Steve Coleman (www.garage.clara.net) gives his take on the band. All in all this is great stuff from a band with great attitude.

Concert : Philip Jeays, Battersea Barge 02/02/03
I saw Philip Jeays in Edinburgh a few years ago. He sang a song about being jealous of his friend Geoff, and I was in painful agony after laughing so hard. Jake Thakeray for the 21st Century.

More useless facts : (thanks to kingbeard@kingbeard.co.uk)
If you are locked in a sealed room, you die of carbon dioxide poisoning before you die of oxygen deprivation.
Rene Descartes came up with the theory of co-ordinate geometry by looking at a fly walk across a tiled ceiling.
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated a man could not beat his wife with anything wider than his thumb.
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
The word "samba" means "to rub navels together."
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
Armoured knights raised their visors to identify themselves when they rode past their king. This custom has become the modern military salute.

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Concert Review : Arthur Lee & Love play Forever Changes at Royal Festival Hall 14/01/03
Well, this is pretty surreal stuff. I wanted to go to this concert, but found it was sold out when I first heard about it. Then through someone's very nice generosity I got tickets for my brother and me. The Royal Festival Hall is amazing and excellent. Good sound and an unpredictable magic. This began with the audience as I spotted a BBC Health correspondent, an ex-girlfriend from 16 years ago, Mike Lines (who I was in The Surrounds with), and the wonderful Charlie Bennett from the Interstellar Overcoat. Every time I looked around I spotted someone else, and my seat in the sideways facing 'Annexe' encouraged it. My brother told me how the most Spanish of Love's output accompanied him in a car when he was driving around Spain. I remembered how I had seen the cover of Forever Changes recreated in chalk on a pavement in Blackpool. Meanwhile, a band from Scotland, who may have been called 'Drag', were supporting. They were perfectly nice, despite the fact that less than half of the audience took their seats for them. My brother asked me why such bands always seem to have girl bass players, but the real surprise was that they had a very good sound even though they were the support band. After a quick break, Love took to the stage, at first without an orchestra. They did classics like 'Little Red Book'. They were performing as excellently as when I saw them last year at a festival in Canterbury. Arthur Lee seemed utterly relaxed. He had a white tasselled cowboy shirt. A star spangled flag scarf around his head, topped at first with a top hat, and later a cowboy hat. Most of the time he wore wrap around sunglasses. The crowd was quite boisterous and shouted things. "You don't know how long I've waited for this, Arthur," said one lady. "No, but you know how long I've waited" came his reply. After a while 4 violinists, 1 cellist, 2 trumpet players and 1 trombonist joined the band. They started with 'Alone Again Or' and the audience went wild, particularly at the trumpet solo. It was powerful stuff, and reminded me of a concert I saw in Edinburgh where the Bootleg Beatles performed 'Penny Lane' with a real trumpet solo. That was a spine tingler. I looked across the audience and saw an amazing mixture of protest song-style arm waving, occasional dreamy hippy dancing (from the odd person standing at their seat), and - most spookily - a line of what looked like middle aged people mouthing the lyrics faithfully. I must admit, I think Arthur's lyrics rival Procol Harum in their earnest obtuse-ness, and whilst in a totally different style they also have a very satisfying musical professionalism. At the climax of the set I saw Art Rocker's own Delia attempt to give the great man a very red looking present. He was a bit too far back on the stage, and I don't know if he got it. After the orchestral numbers, the band came back for 'band' encores. One included Graham from Blur, who was rather superfluous. There was some difference of opinion about whether Arthur's voice was better than ever or whether he was struggling. He did seem to back off the mike a bit, but for me, the main thing was how 'at ease' he seemed about the whole thing. In my mind I was intrigued as to whether he was a crazy 60-years plus mastermind of the musical arrangements, or was he a passenger of someone else's scheme ? The Japanese have been re-forming new wave bands, providing musicians to emulate missing band members. Was this something similar ? I was lucky enough to get into the after gig drink, where I was advised that Arthur was the passenger offering directions, while the rhythm guitarist/backing vocalist was the driving force. I met them both and the guitarist, and they all seemed thoroughly nice chaps having a good time.

Holiday idea : Star Trek Experience, Hyde Park
You've got till the end of March to visit the bridge of every major starship, get regenerated in a Borg chamber, and have a drink in Quark's bar. What are you waiting for ?

Web site tip : The Food Standards Agency http://www.food.gov.uk
The Food Standards Agency spend their time trying to get you some straight advice about food, and here's where it's available for you in bite-size chunks. For instance, find out what happens when you keep skipping breakfast. More people get ill through worry about health and food than through food poisoning, so check out this site and put your worries in perspective.

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Joke : Q. What do you call a vegetarian that doesn't know what they are allowed to eat ? A. A vague-un

Web site tip : www.hotmail.com email
Far be it from me to promote Microsoft (or 'the evil empire' as they have been known by some other people), but they bought this email via the web idea because it is just plain useful. Free, rarely blocked by employers, virus checking mail and attachments sent to you, and available while you're on the move. Not enough space in the account, or want one for your band or something else ? Just open another free one...

Holiday idea : The Wild Weekend 4
The team that brought '? and The Mysterians' to London, and had everyone wading in mud in Camber Sands, take us back to the amazingly underrated off season Benidorm, Spain for their fourth extravaganza. It's at the wonderful Casino Mediterraneo on the 7th, 8th and 9th of November 2003. If you want updates about what's happening, email info@thezombiezoo.com or check out www.thewildweekend.com

Daytime idea : The Royal Festival Hall, South Bank (nearest tube Embankment)
Time to kill in central London ? At the Royal Festival Hall on the South Bank there are comfy chairs, free magazines about what's going on, toilets, and no one hassling you. Top place.

Club : Friday 28th February 2003, The Lunar Lounge LIVE @ Spitz, Old Spitalfields Market 109 Commercial Street London E1 6BG. Tel:(020) 7392 9032. Liverpool Street tube (Central, Hammersmith & City, Metropolitan) 20.00pm-01.00am Sci-fi lounge was never so much fun as when it was organised by Steve XOH and his top team of astronauts and space girls. Live performances from The Boogaloo Band (http://www.boogalooband.co.uk) and Horizon 22 (http://www.horizon22.com) plus DJs. More info and prize-winning competitions at http://www.lunarlounge.co.uk

Hero of the week : Bruce Brand
Bruce is one of the unsung heroes of the underground London music scene. He relentlessly comes up with good ideas when otherwise the pressure is on to call the whole thing off. He has been responsible for the coolest artwork and sleeves you've seen, via his company Arthole, including being able to magically recreate sixties styling in new contexts. Delightfully, via his friends the White Stripes, he is actually getting some of the profile he richly deserves. As well as doing artwork for them, he even drove their van. Most amazingly he advised them against appearing on the front page of some over-hyped non-music rag, and this added to their reputation for not 'playing the media game'. He is a very widely traveled musician having toured America, Japan and Europe with The Milkshakes, Thee Headcoats, Holly Golightly and The Masonics for whom he drums (along with many other bands, including Dutronc and the Adventures of Parsley, playing guitar for myself). He sometimes DJ's from his large collection of obscure records. The late Joe Meek heavily influences his taste. Photographer Nick Simpson described him as the most photogenic man he knows, and has used him in several amazing photographs. Bruce has even starred in 2 films - 'The Perv Parlor', and 'Pervirella'. He's absolutely hilarious when he is drunk, when, alongside crazy dancing, he starts picking fights by gently announcing provocative things to whoever happens to be around and unsuspecting. In Spain a man rushed up having recognised him : Bruce came out with some appropriate abuse, and the guy went away saying how happy he was to have been insulted by 'the great Bruce Brand'. Do yourself a favour and get his artwork on your record by contacting him at BashBrand@aol.com.

Useless facts : (with thanks to kingbeard@kingbeard.co.uk)
More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in air crashes.
The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.

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Film review : So I Married An Axe Muderer
C5 screened this 1993 film on Saturday night. It's a Mike Myers comedy that is an interesting step in Myers' film career chronology. There's a whole range of similarities with the Austin Powers films: Myers plays the lead character, and also his father, a rude Scot, or a 'thin bastard' you might say. He occasionally performs to camera - his character writes jazz poetry about his failed loves. He has the same sarcastic humour, and turn of phrase. Suddenly, I'm wondering if Jim Carrey's films could be themed in the same way. Oh, and Myers has a rather silly sort of 'pudding bowl' haircut. He plays a guy who keeps finding paranoid reasons why not to stay with his lovers. This time he's getting some heavy clues that his latest girl (played by Nancy Travis) is a serial killer, but alternates between believing and disbelieving. There are some interesting cameos from Seinfeld's 'Kramer' and someone from Ally McBeal. Also, Alan Arkin, who I remember for playing Inspector Clouseau hilariously, but alas not remembered after Peter Sellers. Here he plays a nice police chief, who tries to be feisty and hard-bitten to please an undercover policeman who wants it to be more like on TV. The humour is gentle, and occasional, rather than relentless. Overall Rating : thumbs up. A mildly diverting nice movie.

Web site tip : http://www.tracert.com/
Want to find out how long it takes the world to see your website ? Set yourself up with free monitoring at this site. You can choose to find out how long it takes in every continent, and it'll even email you the results.

Club : The Sonic Reaction Club, Thursday 16th January 2003 9pm-2am
Down at the El Paso Basement, 350/354 Old Street, you can enjoy music DJ-ed by the cream of the Toe Rag scene including Liam Watson, Andy Sier and Bruce Brand. Don't forget to buy Bruce a birthday drink...!

Concert : The Dee Rangers at the Dirty Water Club, Friday 17th January 2003
The Dee Rangers are over from Sweden to record at Toe Rag, and they are going to squeeze in this concert whilst they are here. From what I've heard they are high-energy pop garage, resembling the best of The Lyres. I also have to declare an interest, as I should be guesting on keyboards. Also appearing are fellow Stockholmers, The Caesars.

Concert : The Impact at the Ace Cafe, North Circular Road, Saturday 18th January 2003
You may remember me raving about The Impact's last performance. Well here's your chance to catch these fantastic mod popsters in legendary rocker venue the "Ace Cafe". Highly recommended.

TV Review : Enterprise
So the pre-Star Trek Enterprise is back, and mildly interesting, although jumping way out-of-bounds of being a prequel. We're shooting around time and seeing seriously weird aliens whose make up could only have been dreamt of back in the sixties. Vulcan Sub-Commander T'Pau appears in skimpy pyjama-style trousers and short T-shirts, like her seven-of-nine Voyager successor (or televisual predecessor if you prefer). We're also stuck with the end-of-season cliff hanger continuing over into this first episode of the 2nd season. Reasonable sci-fi eye candy, and even if it wasn't, some of us can remember how appalling some of the early 'Next Generation' shows were.

Book Review : Playing to the Gallery by Simon Hoggart Published by Guardian Books £7.99 ISBN 1-903809-66-5
Back in 1981 I got Simon Hoggart's autograph in my diary. He looked down and saw I had a note to do my washing. He said 'Your Wednesdays sound the same as mine'. He's been charming and making me laugh ever since. Save this book till you are ill, because it'll help your recovery be a thoroughly enjoyable process, and give you plenty of laughs about the soap opera known as Westminster politics.

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Film review : Star Trek - Nemesis
Well, it has passed into Trek folklore that the 'even numbered' Star Trek films are the best, and this is number 10. Unfortunately, it has not obeyed that rule. Whilst reasonably enjoyable, and with one or two great moments, this is basically a couple of moderate 'Next Gen' episodes woven together. In the tradition of earlier Trek films, the cast are getting more involved in the production side, with Brent Spiner co-writing. By an amazing coincidence the plot has plenty of focus on his character Data, as the film begins with finding bits of an android body giving off 'positronic' signals. What is it with those wacky Romulans ? Whilst wanting to keep their distance from the Federation, they are apparently happy to name their planets after the Romulus and Remus of Roman folklore... Maybe I missed an episode where that got explained. The attempt to use Star Trek to explore themes relevant to its viewers is rather laboured. It turns out the Romulans have a clone of Picard who confronts him. I'm afraid the clone was a pretty unlikely Picard, not least because Patrick Stewart's thin lips were apparently preceded by the massive lips of Tom Hardy. Even more disappointingly, the ideas about cloning were not engaging, and the tiring discussion of whether Picard was the product of his genes or his experience was tedious. The potentially frightening plot developments (Romulans preparing to destroy Earth via clever sneakiness) were amazingly rapidly diffused. Can the Trek audience not take the pressure that Minority Report or Bourne Identity audiences can ? ...And knock me down with a feather, but have the display panels on the Enterprise begun to light up in an old fashioned sci-fi way ? They seem to be looking more like the instrumentation in the 'Enterprise' series that is supposed to preceed 'classic' Star Trek. Any silver linings ? There were some funny moments (although I confess the rest of my cinema's audience didn't laugh), I did like the white outfits, and Jerry Goldsmith did his usual excellent work on the music. Overall, whilst being a reasonable sci-fi film, I'm afraid it was a sloppy successor to the Trek legacy. There is a lot of emotional capital invested in the Next Gen characters by those of us that have been watching for years. This film failed to engage that, and almost irritated it, in the way that weaker episodes in the series did. One can only hope that this is not the last outing of the Next Gen characters (as we are being heavily teased that it is), because if it is then it will be going out on a low note.
Overall Rating : thumbs up for Trek, but I would be very surprised if this stayed anyone's favourite film of the year for long.

Concert Review : Mod all-dayer at the Pleasure Unit, Bethnal Green Road 28/12/02
Well Rob Bailey and the New Untouchables are to be congratulated on once again pulling together an event that could not be ignored, and delivered in spades. I have to say the biggest and most enjoyable surprise of the day was the excellent band The Impact. First on at 5 they were immaculate and delivered a sharp enjoyable set of R'n'B covers and their own excellent originals. They give The Yardbirds a real run for their money, and if you ever wanted to feel like you were in a film like 'Blow Up' then this was your moment. I was having a slight problem with a couple of light effect projectors on stage, that were a little low and occasionally blinding. Neil's Children were next up, and they were loud and outrageous. I think their new material is taking them into the Art Rocker fold. Time for a quick break to get an excellent new jacket (well old, actually !) from style guru Casper, who was plying his wares alongside Angie, who was kitting out the ladies, under the titles Dandy in Aspic and Too Much! There were records to peruse too, but nothing that grabbed me. Then something to eat across the road, and back in time to catch my heroes, Pink Floyd covers band Interstellar Overcoat. Great as ever, although there was a bit of feedback sneaking into the mix somewhere. Finally, the Gene Drayton Unit, who were performing so immaculately that for a second I thought the DJ had put another record on ! These guys are sharp, and deliver amazing live versions of great dance instrumentals, as well as their own great songs. An excellent time was had by all in this friendly relaxed club. Join the mailing list for details of similar events via new.untouchables@virgin.net

Web site tip : German-English dictionary http://dict.tu-chemnitz.de/
Lost for the word in German or got it in German but want it in English ? This surprisingly comprehensive website can help.

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CD Review : My Favourite Things - Greatest Hits 1993-96
Well, I was on Cloud 9 when John O'Sullivan presented me with these collected works on an unofficial CD-R release at my Adventures of Parsley gig last Friday. As I mentioned when he was my hero of the week a while back, I saw his band at the Monarch on a Super Elastic Bubble Plastic night, and they made me want to play in a psychedelic band, because they were dreamy and had great songs. Well, here are those songs :
1. Syd - Fantastic Barrett-esque pop song opener, with beautiful trippy break, and 3-time bit.
2. Daydream Violence - Feels like you're flying with a flock of birds, as the lyrics tell us you hop on a bus in Whitechapel, and somebody dies whilst "the boy who swallowed a bicycle lived". This is a spine-tingly delicious psyche-fest with fantastic multi-layered vocals.
3. She's A Ghost - rockier number with driving verse, and ethereal guitars and chorus.
4. Spaceman - blast off to the childhood dreams of new worlds and beginnings, full of hope rather than the "damage that we've done".
5. Fruit Machine - Bowie, Bolan and their ilk would relate to this simultaneous high and low vocal driving pop song that takes you "higher than the fruit machine".
6. Memphis - The boys start us on a rock trip to Memphis, which then explodes into their multi-layer swirling guitars and vocals. They wanna go, and after this you probably will too !
7. Halcyon Days - crazy touches of Dylan and major walking bass take our shoes off in the rain. Hendrix drops in for the solo, and the boys sing a chorus around him.
John led the whole fantastic sound-scape on vocals and tingly guitars, wonderfully assisted by Simon O'Grady on measured bass and vocals and Peter Burke on driving and lolloping drums and vocals. But if you think it's another 3-piece then I haven't told you the whole story because there are amazing washes of background noises and ringing sounds, which make it truly dreamy. God I wish these guys were gigging again. If you want to get a copy or write to John, he can be reached care of juliaeverett@tesco.net.

Film review : Tomorrow Never Dies
Well yes, it is good that Bond is back, but there are some disappointing tweaks along the way - although possibly not the ones we were expecting. The one we were expecting : It should be the pinnacle of a performer's career to be asked to write a song for Bond, NOT the pinnacle of Bond's career to have a song written by Madonna ! The opening sequence had some excellent visuals of women of flame and ice surrounding Bond in prison, but Madonna's song that accompanied them is NOT a Bond song (and, as I told you last week, Tim Rice agrees !). David Arnold's music was otherwise a perfectly reasonable succession to John Barry's. A disappointment we were not expecting : with the introduction of an invisible car, the Bond film, believe it or not, strayed too far away from reality. Bond gadgets had always been a fanciful but logical extension of the possible, but this did not work. Other highlights : seeing Pearce Brosnan with straggly hair, beard and moustache in hobo robes was delightful. MI6's dis-used tube station secret office was also excellent.
Overall Rating : thumbs up. A reasonable successor to the Bond legacy, but unlikely to be anyone's favourite Bond.

Film review : The Grinch
Saw this on video, but thought I'd tip you off before it premieres on Sky (pah!) this Christmas. Jim Carrey is fantastic as the strange green Dr. Seuss character that hates Christmas after being stitched up by his schoolmates. The irony is that he's right, because he is fed up with the commercialism. I couldn't hear everything he said but laughed every time I did. There were also some great hidden comedy moments like when he wins the sack race to the tune of 'Chariots of Fire'. Some temperaments will want to wind the video or leave the room for the schmaltzy little girl singing moment, and similar others, but those of us for whom Willy Wonka is a classic will lap it up (though it is not as good as that…). Hank from Larry Sanders plays the rotten mayor, and I recognise the boy who plays the young Grinch, but can't remember where from. Overall Rating : thumbs up. Sentimental Christmas film successfully creates a wacky allegorical alternate reality.

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Concert Review : The All American Solid Gold Rock'n'Roll Show 2002, London Palladium Sunday 8th December 2002
Well, you can be in the middle of a mundane, even depressing, life, when something so gob-smacking happens that you can have it all eclipsed. And lo, it came to pass, that on my first visit to the London Palladium, I was sitting with my mate Bruce in just about the best seats in the house - Royal Circle, middle of front row (A22/23), courtesy of amazing rocker Raven. Remember that these are the seats for which John Lennon invited the audience to 'rattle their jewelry'. Popping out for a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream - am I dreaming ? - we bump into Bruce Welch of The Shadows coming in. We are truly in the right place ! We get back for the start of the show. The Vees, the rock 'n' roll band comprising mainly Bobby Vee family members, hit the stage, with double bass dancing antics. Then all round nice guy and youngest looking rocker I know, Chris Montez, hits the stage and plays a blinder. The backdrop shows heroes of rock'n'roll including the King, but Chris tells us that down his way, the King of rock'n'roll was not Elvis, but Richie Valens, and he performs 'La Bamba' as a tribute. Like the lyrics of his song 'Let's Dance' (NOT the Bowie one !) he does indeed 'take a chance', and leap from the stage to dance with the audience. Most of the them are 'senior', and it makes an interesting change for me to be one of the younger people at a gig ! Next up are the Chiffons, who were last in the UK touring with Jimi Hendrix… These sassy women do the business with 'He's So Fine' and 'One Fine Day' amongst others. Brian Hyland brings his drumming son and percussionist wife on for a more rocking set, including 'I Hear You Knocking', although he still gets round to the amazing 'Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny' and smooch-fest 'Sealed With A Kiss'. A short break and then the Big Bopper Junior, born just a month after his Dad died in a plane crash with Buddy Holly, reminds us of his Dad's amazing songs. Then Bobby Vee comes out bouncing rubber balls into the audience. I can't help feeling they were for us to play with, but instead of bouncing them the recipients cling onto them as memorabilia from the night. Bobby explains that when he recorded an album of classic rock'n'roll in the early sixties, the record company didn't want to put it out, saying that no one was interested in old songs. Forty years later he's playing them to a packed house - retro that, Art Rockers ! It's also a bit spine-tingly to hear that Bobby performed his classic 'Take Good Care Of My Baby' to his son-in-law, at his daughter's wedding reception. Everyone comes back out for group encores ending with 'That'll Be The Day'. But it doesn't end there, because Raven has got us into the after gig party, along with Andy - the man behind our recent 12 Bar Club fun. I enjoyed a nice chat with Bruce Welch, about working with Cliff and Jet, and found Tim Rice agrees with me about the Madonna song not being a proper Bond one. Chris Montez is a top man, and wants to hang out with us next time he's in London - we may even get him down to check out Toe Rag ! The Chiffons totally floored me by telling me they were happy not to 'kick my ass'. It emerged that they had been in the small elite at the Raven gig I played at the 12 Bar, where I had paraphrased one of Raven's lyrics and thanked the audience for not 'kicking our asses'. Life is amazing, I thought, as I ran like a maniac to catch the last train home...

45 Review : Hip Joint - Stoned Soul Picnic
The guys gave me a copy of their single as we (SolarFlares) waited in Madrid Airport on our way to play at The Purple Weekend. A : Hip Joint is a Hammond groove fest, that fellow label mates jtq, or indeed the fabulous GDU, would be proud of. B : A Little Leveller is a likewise delicious faster groove with stampeding drum back beat. The guys are from Nottingham, and said they are lazy, which I couldn't quite get my head round as, like us, they were on the longest journey to a gig you could imagine. The single comes in a chunky card sleeve, and you can learn more by mailing the label at info@blowithardrecords.com. The band have some info hosted at http://hammondbeat.com/hammondbeat/ which has details of many similar minded combos including The Men From SPECTRE, The Link Quartet, The Nick Rossi Set and The Special Agents. Don't know who does what, as we had to leave the festival before we could see them, but they are really nice guys, EXCEPT for one of them that gave me a fake pat on the back that was really a thump. He hit me 3 times, including when I was trying to move gear…not so cool.

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Concert review : The Charles Napiers at the Surf Shack Club, Thursday 28th November 2002
There are very few clubs in London where the decor has been created with panache and attitude. The South London Pacific is one of them, as the whole place has tiki decoration right down to the toilets. Even better, there is a bar football table (whose players are suitably decorated with grass skirts etc.). Challenging the band to a game, I was pleasantly surprised to find my recent practicing was paying off, even on a table with as adverse a camber as this. The Napiers first set was chock full of classics including Beat Girl and Secret Agent Man. Despite various amp problems (one guitar amp dead on arrival, bass amp playing up for the first half set), the sound was excellent. There is a petite stage, which I think I would have liked to have seen the whole band make a serious effort to squeeze onto. Instead Sophie on drums sat up high with the amplifiers while the guys lurched on the floor besides the stage. John on bass was attacking with his bass jab, once the amp settled down. Lee was cool and relaxed while his rythmn guitar parts charged the live set into fast action. After leading this storming start, during the break before the second set, guitarist Dan hit the DJ decks with some excellent instrumental disks. Also the Surfers against Sewage campaign, who the concert was a benefit for, sold very cheap raffle tickets for some excellent prizes. Excitement mounted as I realised that even I had almost a 20 to 1 chance of winning. Alas it was not to be, although the second roaring set from the Napiers was a fair consolation prize. I missed the backing tapes of film clips that normally accompany the set, but the finest comedians from the PRS tried to keep the comedy factor high with their drunken interjections between songs. All too soon it was over, and one was left wondering what the Germans will make of them when they tour there later this month. Hope the venues they get to play in are as good as this.

Web site tip : www.thebananasplits.com
Came across this when looking for a sample of the theme tune for a new Adventures of Parsley TV theme. It's the official web site for the TV show that wrapped cartoons in men in animal outfit tomfoolery. It tells you who the guys in the costumes were, who did the voices, and it's jam packed full of information and visuals from the show. Amazing...tra la la.

Concert : Felix Moment Power Trio at Fusilier & Firkin, 7-8, Chalk Farm Road London NW1 Friday 6th December, and the guys are at one of their regular haunts supported by Honey And The Hucksters. It's 8.30pm till midnight and £4 to get in. Come and let the guys rock your socks off. I'm away with the SolarFlares, but if I wasn't I would be at this, so feel free to deputise for me...

Concert review : Ray Dorset (a.k.a. Mungo Jerry), 12 Bar Club, Tuesday 26th Nov 2002
Met up with my mates the Paisleys and had a smashing meal at this place, at a very reasonable price. They even served it to us upstairs whilst we watched the support band. My mate Bruce, being a Mungo Jerry man himself, had brought a wedge of albums to get signed. Ray Dorset started with 'Gambling Man' as a tribute to Lonnie Donnegan, and followed it up with 'Bottle Up and Go', an old blues song that I used to do with Billy Childish and the Blackhands. The surprises didn't stop there. The Paisleys had floored Bruce by revealing that Mr. Dorset had written a disco hit called 'It Feels Like I'm In Love' with synthi-drums and allsorts. He then proceeded to perform a skiffle/rock and roll version of it in the style he envisaged when he wrote it ... for Elvis ! Bruce told me he was doing all the classics (Baby Jump, In The Summertime, Lady Rose, Mighty Man, Woody Guthrie's 'Dust pneuomonia blues', and he encored with Maggie), but I was especially interested in 'Alright, Alright, Alright', which was my Nan's favourite, and we do it with Dutronc (that band that Art Rocker fear !). He mentioned how 'In The Summertime's recent re-emergence in films has done him no harm. The bassist and drummer hadn't rehearsed with him at all, but there was plenty of energy. He was massively ready for encores, and Bruce and I noisily kicked the stage to make sure he did. Afterwards we had a good old chat with the man himself, and he said he was up for a guest appearance at one of our gigs next year. What a smashing fella in a smashing club ! We obviously hogged him a bit too much as he ended up signing someone else's rare album 'To Bruce'. We even introduced him to Raven who told him about American touring. After playing to 12 people with Raven I was interested to see Mr. Dorset playing to about 20 odd, and there was no problem - in fact it was a really nice atmosphere.

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Hero of the week : Raven
Well, I reviewed his CD a couple of weeks ago, and I played a gig with him the week after. It was crazy fun. Raven lives in the US of A, but dreams of being able to live forever in his dream country - 'Britain'. He wrote a eulogy to it, which he performed with 60's legend Chris Montez when I played with him. We also performed a medley of some of his favourite musical influences...Pulp 'Disco2000', Cliff Richard 'Move It' and The Jam 'A Town Called Malice'. Yes, reality you could not make up. Being on tour with Bobby Vee, he gets to find out stuff: At a Bournemouth concert, Bobby Vee sold £1500 of merchandising. At the same venue Cliff sold £68 000. At our gig in London, Raven sold about £30, but for big-hearted rock'n'roll 'going for it' he won hands down.

CD Review : Sonic Torpedoes 'Crooked Hill' CD EP
Picked this up from main man Ed Deegan when I was in at his Gizzard studios, re-mixing a Dutronc track. It follows their 'Hazy' 3-track CD from last year.
1. Crooked Hill - A driving buzzy chunky guitar fest with a high-harmonied rocking chorus and a whaling guitar solo.
2. Mainline Static - nice Hawkwind-style space noise kick off, confidential verse delivery over sci-fi riff leads to disturbed grunge moment then melodic bass prog rock hypnosis.
3. Dopplegänger Man - 21st century rock and roller with crazy fuzzy vocal moment. Reminds me a bit of Sean Tyla's 'Styrofoam' from an old live Hope & Anchor album I've got.
Yes, this is not the traditional retro pop-fest that normally adorns my world, but rather the now sound of rock, with occasional brief sideways salutes to prog and heavy 70's. The guys are apparently sponsored by Vortex Books, although from their pictures you could imagine that a sport shop selling all weather hooded jackets might also be interested… All round great guy (and Dr. Who fan) Gib (a.k.a. Ed, Gibbon) Deegan plays lead guitar, sings and co-writes with Napoleon Catila from Manila, who plays bass and sings. Duncan Lovatt hits a rhythm guitar and makes the wacky synthy keyboard noises, whilst Keith Buck stonks the drums. It's a well-executed, masterful foray into their domain. Excellently, they got 'single of the week' billing in The Independent of all places. For more info write to info@sonictorpedoes.com or check out their wild website at http://www.sonictorpedoes.com which includes free MP3 downloads.

TV Review : Daniel Deronda Part 1 Saturday 23rd Nov 8.55-10.25pm BBC1
Yes, I know you love it when I review something that's a bit 'off the beaten track' for me, so here goes. Is it me, or is costume drama now formulaic ? And is the BBC's approach even more so ? For the costume drama we have to have a tragic female lead, missing out on the perfect good guy so as to marry the wicked one. For the BBC we need strong female roles, and if we can make reference to ethnic minorities (Judaism) or contemporary issues (hunting) then so much the better. I'm afraid I am not going to read the original work to find out how much of this experience is being bio-engineered by the production, but my bit of viewer demographic would happily have had them put the same effort into a murder mystery. As ever, my eye was distracted by the presence of greatness, in this case the magnificent Jacqueline Pearce a.k.a. Servalan from Blake's 7, looking and sounding wonderful, and woefully under-used in a supporting role. Checking out the web site for the show, my heart sank when I found that the writer, Andrew Davies, is indeed the same scribe who has done Pride and Prejudice, Tipping The Velvet (self-proclaimed 'lesbian love story'), ITV's Doctor Zhivago, and even co-adapted Bridget Jones Diary. Can nothing save us from the machine that masquerades as high-brow culture ? It's interesting enough, and having invested an hour and a half in the first part I do have some 'inertia' willing me on to catch the rest, but my often criticised Cult sixties TV looks more worthy all the time.
Overall Rating : thumbs down. It's a formula too close to reality TV and soap opera for me now, I'm afraid.

Concert : The Charles Napiers at the Surf Shack club, Thursday 28th Nov at about 8 o'clock
The UK's longest running instrumental 'Mondo Wray' combo will be donning loud Hawaiians, setting the reverb controls to stun and 'hanging ten' down to South London Pacific, 340, Kennington Rd, London SE11 4LD, Tel: 020 7820 9189, http://www.southlondonpacific.com/ It's apparently a charity bash for 'Surfers Against Sewage'

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TV Review : Sean Lock's '15 Storeys High'
This is only on BBC Choice at the moment, which means you should stand by for it hitting regular TV presently. I was lucky enough to catch it at my friend Tony Reeve's (http://freespace.virgin.net/reevietone.news/). When Adventures of Parsley were the house band at the Comedy Store, Sean Lock really stood out as a comedian that could make you find a genuinely new surprising laugh (i.e. without the standards of obscenity jokes). For a while he had a chirpy Radio 4 show about crazily funny things happening to ordinary people living in tower blocks. That show had a studio audience, and the action was punctuated by a happy tune from time to time. This show is the reinvention of that for TV, and it's altogether darker with no audience laughing, and no incidental music. Sean plays a swimming instructor, combining disarming honesty and a singular lack of reality. This episode saw Sean's mate Errol obsessively redecorating the bathroom, and being majorly phased by being told to match the colour scheme with the background of a photo from a readers' wives magazine. A sub plot involved a neighbour who is being encouraged by a friend to hit himself against the wall in a bid to get his girlfriend back. This is humour that walks a fine line between hilarity and insanity, and so is right up my street. It's Phoenix Nights meets The League of Gentlemen against an inner city background. Well worth a watch, as is Sean Lock's stand up routine. I wonder if he needs a house band... [The other 'stand up that stands out' for me is Mark Steel, although instead of everyday life's insanity, he finds a refreshing straight up absurdity in politics, history, and occasionally sport]

Hero of the week : Rod Lynton
A little overdue, because Rod was a star for me personally a couple of weeks ago, but... Rod is the guitarist of sixties popsters 'Rupert's People' (you may remember me mentioning the bass player Ray back in Art Rocker 46). He's a motorbike riding lead man who doesn't take prisoners. He has an amazing history that put him on John Lennon's 'Imagine' album and promoting various high profile rock bands (including being at Atlantic Records, where he promoted Led Zeppelin). Whilst I've been in the band he arranged for me to get a pucker 60's coiffure, and put himself out to make sure I was okay on our recent trip to Italy (he gave the hotel a roasting, successfully, when I was being frozen in my heat-less room). He's also been coaching me on technique, and really made me feel part of the band. He is a strong character, fiercely loyal, good fun in the clubs, and with a cool view that every generation can enjoy the vibes of good music. More about the Rupert's Peoples' album at http://www.circlerecords.co.uk/

CD Review : The Paisley Wheelchair Experience - "Songs for Swinging Simians"
My good showbiz friends the Paisleys (10-piece Vegas-glitz insanity) have this CD EP out on Lunar Lounge records.
1. She Bangs - This Ricky Martin track gets the full cheesotronic Paisley treatment
2. Love Is In The Air - bop to the disco beat of this romantic number from the film "Strictly Ballroom".
3. Deeply Dippy - The Right Said Fred song re-discovered as a romantic duet between frontman Lord Freddie Valentine and, sporting a hot silver one-piece outfit, diva Amber. X.
As a secret bonus, Lord Freddie reads from his celebrity memoirs. With his politically incorrect banter, and his machine-gun comic delivery, Lord Freddie is a treat for the surreal or anyone who just wants to stir it at parties. Resplendent in affro hair, walrus moustache, purple sequined top and massive medallion, it is difficult not to stare. Backing him are the fabulous Lady Kitty on guitar, and Lady Fee on bass, and Amber on backing vocals. On keyboards Wolfgangster is absolutely masterful in creating the perfect musical soundscapes for the band's varied material. Beavis Viagra is a stonking powerhouse of a drummer. The brass section (including great guy Thumper Torrens on trombone, and AxeSaxKev on saxophone) and percussionist add to the visual and musical spectacle. The band has to be seen to be believed. Catch them at Spitz on December 13th. The CD is a must for every sequined Christmas stocking. For more details mail either email@lunarlounge.co.uk or paisleys@orange.net. The Paisleys also have an excellent new web site at http://www.paisleywheelchairexperience.com.

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CD Review : Raven 'Boom'
I met Raven at a SolarFlares gig. He was checking us out in a break from touring. He is PA to Bobby Vee (remember 'Rubber Ball', with those legendary girl backing vocals - 'bouncy bouncy' ?), and tours with him fairly regularly. They play an amazing selection of venues, culminating this time in the London Palladium on December 8th. Raven is a chunky rocker, with a disarming enthusiasm for all things rock'n'roll, and thick black hair as his name suggests. This is his 2nd CD, and he has extended his range from his first, very rock'n'roll one.
1. Brilliance - There is an uncredited bit of intro music before this low key eulogy to love
2. Something's not right - country rock blast of love suspicion
3. Conviction of love - nightclub sax and girl backing vocals accompany Raven to his cell
4. Status Quo - slower sad falling out of love ballad
5. I wish love (would stop wasting my time) - punky rocking 'bout the fickle finger of love
6. Something clever - haunting ballad of those moments when you can't think of something clever to say
7. (I'm Your) Yankee fan - electric piano solo and occasional harmonica over ballad of lost love
8. Afterthought - Uptempo rocking, with twangy guitar solo and wall of backing vocals, becoming Bangles-like for the end
9. Blue - Brushes on snare for this gentler phase
10. Someone she knows - A piano concerto of a ballad
11. Life's not fair - Honky tonk shuffle, almost a male version of 'telephone man'
12. Better for knowing you - nice organ, backs a relaxed Dylan-esque tune
13. Almost glow - Rotating poppy number
So now you'll have to tell me I'm not dreaming, and accept my apologies for this blatant plug, but Raven has a headlining gig at the 12 Bar Club, with a band (coming together especially for this concert), comprising drummer Bruce Brand, bassist Matthew Karas, guitarist Graham Day, and myself on keyboards. A surreal line-up that can only lead to a crazy night to remember. It's next Tuesday (19th November), and the 12 Bar Club is at 22-23, Denmark Place, London WC2H 8NL. UK (nearest tube Tottenham Court Road). Club Contact: (+44) (0) 20 7916 6989. Web site : http://www.12barclub.com/noflashindex.htm

Web site tip : http://www.consignia-online.com/index.jhtml?postcodeConsigniaPage=postcodeResults&_requestid=9605 Trainspotters rejoice : Ever not had a postcode, or had a postcode and not an address ? Get the missing items from the guys that run the system.

Newspaper cutting : (with thanks to kingbeard)
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30 year old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist Bastards. The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his new name.

Concert : The Aardvarks, Needles Bar, Saturday 9th November 2002
Well it's been the longest wait yet, but at last The Aardvarks were playing in front of our very eyes, in a cosy psychedelic venue, with Rob Bailey DJ-ing masterfully. The guys were all on top form. Ian on drums conspicuously fumbling, but couldn't really hide himself doing the business. Jason on bass in an amazing wig, stonkingly reliable. Mark on lead guitar (and backing vocals) still convinces me that the guitar is part of him, with his totally relaxed control of it. Gary on vocals and occasional acoustic guitar is the perfect pop front man, grinning and joking and singing to perfection. The set held few surprises with them immaculately recreating songs from the likes of Tomorrow and Rupert's People, as well as resurrecting their own mostly undiscovered pop classics ("office Number 1", "Arthur C. Clarke"), but it had been so long that no one was going to complain...and they finished with their magnificent version of "Sorry". Thanks for being great guys. Don't leave it so long next time, eh ?

Film review : The Dish
This film I meant to see in the cinema made it to the Sky Movie Premier this week. What a stonker, and God I love aussies. Here they are with their own piece of visionary heroism, as the Southern hemisphere helps us all see the first man on the moon. Gerry Anderson fans like myself may spot voice artist stalwart and SHADO man Charles Tingwell playing the local vicar. I remember watching moon landings at school - an amazing life changing global community experience, that this film puts the innocent love and fun back into.
Overall Rating : thumbs emphatically up as this 'feel good' movie hits the spot for space fans. (apologies for absence last week...best laid plans of mice and men and all that)

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CD Review : G*G*Action 'I Wanna Be A 7" single
Penny of the G*G*Action was kind enough to send me my personal copy of this wild CD
1. Highway To Hell : Watch out boys, they're coming through. This singalonga girl chaos anthem kicks off the shock-fest. Motorbike revs whisk the track away at the end.
2. Dirty Girl : Well it's the 21st Century, so I guess it's time to tell it to you straight. If she's got the guts to tell you she's a dirty sex-loving girl bomb in a raucous rock romp, then so be it.
3. I just wanna get down : Girls with attitude driving pop song with spacey organ sound and nice Headcoatee-like multi vocals.
4. I'm gonna get you out of my hair : I suggest you start running now boy, 'cos she's 'gonna kick your skinny white arse' for being crap, as she let's us know in this punky garage thrash.
This Sheffield band are 5 girls : Steph and Penny from Velodrome 2000, and Helen, Katherine and Ruth (3 other hot rock chicks). The CD comes in a leopard pattern stocking sleeve. Vocals are clear, mischievous and reminiscent of Blondie's 'Rip her to shreds'. Tribal drum with slap of a snare sound backs cheesy organ and wall of fuzz guitar and bass. The vibe reminds me of The Slits, but whereas they veered towards the reggae, these guys are sticking with the girls in the garage sound. You can contact them via Penny on 0114 2228571 or penny.blackham@sheffield.ac.uk.

Quick venue guide : Italy
I was out with The SolarFlares for 3 dates in Italy, where October is more pleasant than an English summer. Here's a guide to the places we played. Key: D - Dancing afterwards, S - Shower at venue, H - Hotel accommodation (otherwise it was at someone's house), R - Restaurant meal / T - Take away at venue (otherwise was in house catering)
Perche'no, Verbania Pallanza - H [intimate basement club, 'cavern' ceiling and ante-rooms] Magic Bus, Marcon (Venice) - D S H R [industrial estate, big pop art/Austin Powers decor] Agriturismo Ca'Verde, S. Ambrogio Valpolicella (Verona) - D, S, H [marquee of country hotel]

Heroes of the week : John (My Favourite Things) and Julia Everett
Didn't mention last week that after the Soft Boys I bumped into John, the main man of the now split 'My Favourite Things' and his girlfriend Julia. I saw his band at the Monarch on a Super Elastic Bubble Plastic night, and they made me want to play in a psychedelic band, because they were dreamy and had great songs. Well, add to that John is an excellent guy. I mentioned my friend Nick Simpson's plan for remaking the Abbey Road photo to him. Instead of the reluctant conscripts I'd tried to get involved, he was genuinely up for it, and coming up with wild thoughts of his own - we had a lot of 'common ground' on location shoots for The Sweeney. Suddenly a veil lifted : it is actually possible (and cool) to be enthusiastic about things. Very refreshing.

Nightlife idea : Art - West End play now featuring the League of Gentlemen
Spotted that the constantly changing performer line up for this West End play has suddenly settled on the 3 guys that perform as the League of Gentlemen. Guess it's finally time to go see it. It's on at the Whitehall Theatre, Trafalgar Square, London WC2 till Jan 4th. More info. at http://www.art-theatre.net/

Concert tip : Felix Moment Power Trio & Neil's Children at Fusilier & Firkin Friday 01/11/02
I'll be off in Italy again, but if I was in London I'd be crazy to miss 2 giants of the London music scene playing at the Fusilier & Firkin, opposite Camden Lock at 7-8 Chalk Farm Rd NW1. It's a 'Last Rockers' club night. FMPT have got some great new songs which I believe they have been recording, and I've had a sneak preview of their recent photo session. It features late night shots of what looks like the guys turning up at your house and asking to be let in. Delighted to hear that they supported the Pretty Things at the 100 Club last week, and gutted that I couldn't be there. Meanwhile John, Brandon and James, of Neil's Children, are planning to riot their way through new songs only, so I will be jealous of you hearing them before me.

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Concert Review : The Realistics and The Sheila Divine, Dublin Castle, Camden 15/10/02
The Realistics went at an amazing pace despite illness. If not, I guess they'd have been an invisible blur. Yes, they are still bloody marvellous. They also tickled my fascination circuits with info. on their 2001 album. Apparently they had so many extra instruments that the sound couldn't be recreated live. Hence their newer CD which is much more live. Jeez and they were only charging a fiver for the aforementioned jaw-droppingly good 7-track CD (reviewed here previously) and T-shirts. If you've seen the Ready Steady Go bit in the original Bedazzled film, then The Realistics were Dudley Moore, and The Sheila Divine were Peter Cook. The Realistics blew your pants off, and then The Sheila Divine held up a mirror and showed you what you looked like with no pants on. Towards the end of the set a guy who had 'just flown in' turned up with copies of their CD, and I got one. Glad I did - see review later. The rest of the Dublin Castle had sodded off to the tube. Watching the Sheila Divine was a bit like watching a band that were massive in America (but you'd never seen them before) on the David Letterman show. If you focused in they were performing excellent monumental powerful songs (echoes of Bunnymen and early 80's U2). If you moved your gaze slightly to the sides, it was the tiny Dublin Castle. You could have found Letterman in the wings following up with "that's the Sheila Divine, ladies and gentlemen. Join us tomorrow for Gwneth Paltrow and Tom Cruise."

Concert Review : The Soft Boys at the Mean Fiddler, Charing Cross Road 17/10/02
Robyn Hitchcock (front man of the Soft Boys) and I have something in common. Members of R.E.M have appreciated us both. But while Mike Mills appreciation of my band Dutronc has not stopped Art Rocker from cancelling our gig next year, the now world renown Soft Boys headline the Mean Fiddler (previously the LA2 /Astoria). I was waiting for my brother, with whom I enjoyed many Hope And Anchor Soft Boys gigs 20 years ago. I couldn't help wondering if Mean Fiddler's grip on London's music included touts, and whether cries of 'buy' and 'sell' were practise for City dealing rooms. Inside the Orleans played a worthy if 'invisible' support set. The singer deconstructed, explaining that their other London gig had refused to let them promote this appearance. Then it was the Soft Boys turn. On bass Matthew Seligman looked miserable (cracking a grin at a cry of 'Smile Matthew !'). This was he who chased me down Warren Street tube in 1980 because he saw I was wearing a jacket with 'Syd's Pink Floyd' painted on it. Kimberley Rew on guitar had not changed one jot, except that someone seemed to have died his hair grey. Morris Windsor on drums was magnificent at driving beat and offbeat and wacky on a small but very full sounding drum kit. He also provided startlingly good backing vocals. Robyn Hitchcock was as freaky and occasionally acid as ever I remembered him, with sharp comments for George Bush, and a delicious joke about the Soft Boys making Syd Barrett's name, before the band performed Syd's 'Vegetable Man'. He even remained composed as a lunatic girl insisted on shouting 'We Love You' between what seemed like every song. Maybe when she finds truer love she will be able to listen too. The set was an excellent balance, which satisfied the need for nostalgia and established that they are still creating good new stuff. They did an encore of Stones parody 'Rock and Roll toilet', although without swapping instruments as they 'did in my day'. Overall it was strangely mellow and professional, coming from the band that taught me wacky lyrics and crazy timing changes were fun. The Soft Boys come from the seventies world where parents would encourage childish flights of fancy. Ironic that their heyday was in punk and post-punk times. Good to have them back.

CD Review : The Sheila Divine - Secret Society
1. The Swan - moving hypnotic opening anthem (and my fave track).
2. We All Have Problems - In my comedy world, the second line of this chorus would be 'so put it back in your trousers', but in these guys' hands the lyrics are played straight.
3. Dramatica - less is more as the lyric snippets ("what seemed so unfair, that the moment changed you") move the sensitive as they float on an orchestra of guitars (2nd fave).
4. Back to the cradle - nursery rhymes will never be the same, screamed this song's chorus.
5. Calling all lovers - a ballad, with waves of backing vocals and driving guitar lead.
6. Black River - Tribal verse leads into industrial strength melodic harmony chorus.
Sleeve is cool and modern. Aaron Perrino provides the lyrics, leads the vocals and plays guitar. He is ably supported by Colin Decker (more guitar and backing vox), whose effects box turned his guitar into a piano, and who lunges enjoyably live. Man mountain Jim Gilbert on bass, and Ryan Nolan on drums provide the powerhouse backing. Great that at last I can have something nice from Boston to think about to counter the God-awful night I was held hostage in a hotel that ripped me off because of an international flight delay.

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Merchandising : How to get merchandising for your band - PART 1
I am going to create some merchandising for my band the Adventures of Parsley before we go off on tour, so I've been mailing around to try and get the best deals. I will publish the best in this column. If you recommend anyone in particular for glossy CD sleeves, postcards, posters, T-shirts, or badges, please let me know at parsley.L@virgin.net. However, part 1 is to get your artwork sorted, and the best show in town is Bruce Brand's company Arthole, who do all my artwork (contact via BashBrand@aol.com). The best photographer, who I always use, is Nick Simpson (contact via 07956 968395), but I warn you now that he does not do 'ordinary' !

CD Review : Men In The Moon
Got this handed to me by the thoroughly nice bass player when the SolarFlares played Paris
1. Paradise - Light alternate twangy guitar / ultra fuzz led summer romp. In the middle it gives way to psychedelic stylophone solo. and I think I can hear a little Mannfred Mann pastische moment which does it for me.
2. Meteorite beat - This would be at home on Nuggets, as we get seriously garage trippy.
3. I need somebody else (to love) - Spacey stylophone-led beginning leads into jarring pop romp, with moments of reverb-chamber psychedelia.
4. Buddha - Slower smooch-fest with Peter Perrett vocal verse and some falsetto, gives way to an uptempo bit creating an overall experience reminiscent of the Doors 'Unknown Soldier'. Excellent 'Fontana' sleeve styling with a nice endorsement box for Stylophone. Little Olive enchants us with lead vocal and stylophone, backed by Gérald's masterful Mustang Wha-fuzz guitar, Trish's solid Hofner (violin) bass and Vincent's psychedelic drum kit. Olive sings in English, curses to ethnocentricity. All songs are by Gérald Lauverjon and Olivier Jourdan except Paradise, which is by Christian Guinet and Olivier Jourdan. Can't quite make out the discography inside, but it looks like I have EP 3 of 3 that together form their album. You can write to the Men In The Moon fan club at 52 bis bd St Jacques 75014 Paris, France, or email them at mitm@noos.fr or christianguinet@noos.fr.

Club : Friday 18th October 2002 Lunar Lounge Upstairs @ The Embassy Bar
The Lunar Lounge DJ's return to this popular venue with their special blend of Hammond funk, trip-tease, Japanese Club Pop and more! Admission FREE. The Embassy Bar is at 119 Essex Road Islington London N1 2SN Tel: (020) 7226 9849 Angel tube station (Northern line) or Highbury & Islington (Victoria line/BR).

Cool place to go : Bond‚ James Bond at the Science Museum
As you may have seen on posters on the tube, Bond‚ James Bond explores the science and art of the Bond films through the 'greatest collection of original 007 objects‚ images‚ concept drawings‚ storyboards and costume designs ever assembled'. The exhibition starts on 16 October and runs until 27 April 2003. More info at http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/exhibitions/bond/

Ideas for presents : At the shops this week I couldn't help feeling that we were being warmed up for Christmas as materialism's finest items lined up to tempt me in the West End of London. Forbidden Planet was loaded with new Austin Powers and BIG James Bond books, as well as a phaser and communicator from the new 'Enterprise' TV show. Even more tempting are the talking Cyberman and remote control Dalek toys that are being promoted on the back of talking Dalek toy packaging. Over in Virgin Megastore a DVD featuring every video and TV appearance of the Jam, sat alongside presentation packaged James Bond Dr No dolls, and a Prisoner 35th anniversary companion DVD, that includes interviews and the 'alternate' version of the first episode. The most tingling news for cult TV fans like myself is that it appears that Carlton are going to group the DVDs of many series into box sets, instead of releasing them in one at a time dribbles. In HMV were complete DVD box sets of The Persuaders and Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased). Meanwhile, if TV tie-ins aren't your thing, I can recommend the shop 'Space' in Exmouth Market EC1, which has a number of cool present ideas. The Che Guevara pack of tissues particularly caught my eye. They also had several cool presents that I had received in the past, including my spaceman eggcup. parsley.L@virgin.net

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Tour special - I was on the road with The SolarFlares this week so here are a few things I learned or remembered (sorry if these are obvious for the seasoned travellers):
Essential items : Road map / directions for venues ; Items to entertain yourself during the long journeys e.g. walkman with tapes of comedy and/or music, comics, books, mobile phones (especially for SMS / contacting venues in case of delays or need for directions), handheld/Palm computers ; Sleeping bags / cushions to make sitting in the van comfortable ; International power converter / long extension 4 way adapter(s) ; Paper and marker for set lists - some lists get taken by collectors ; Onstage light if you refer to notes as I do (otherwise gig lighting can render these invisible).

Merchandising : This can make the difference between losing and making money. In Paris we made more selling records than we did on the gig. Be careful about your prices. In France people thought 20€ was cheap for an album, whilst in Germany even 15 was regarded as expensive. In France we sold a lot of vinyl. One guy bought my entire back catalogue. In Germany we sold more T shirts. In Munich our concert was part of a mod weekend, and there were more 'collectors' who bought a range of items. Keep prices simple so you don't need to fiddle with lots of change. Make sure at least 1 or 2 band members look after the merchandising. It usually falls to the same people, and is a bit of a chore, but it can earn a lot, and kick off conversations with the locals. We used a wallpaper pasting table with record sleeves/T-shirts pinned to it as our 'display'.

Money : Make sure the income (gig money and record sales) outweighs the major costs (in our case van inc. insurance and emergency European cover, ferry, petrol, cost of records, toll roads, and hotel if you have to stop on the way, driver if you don't drive yourself). It's obviously cheaper if the venues are closer together and if you are prepared to sleep on floors/round peoples' houses rather than in hotels.

Playing in Europe : This is usually much better than playing in the UK, as people turn up, enjoy themselves, buy records, dance, and you get paid, fed and given a place to stay. Crockford's Law of the end of the tour states that the last night will be spent in the best accommodation (5 star hotel with 30 inch TV in our case), but that you will barely arrive in time to get any sleep (5:30am). You will miss breakfast, and this will be followed by the most excruciating long journey home.

Food and drink : the free beers backstage tend to be more 'gassy' so watch out before the gig. Similarly the pre-gig meal can make playing uncomfortable, so either try to get it over with promptly, or don't eat a lot, or eat after the gig. Several venues provide welcoming refreshments e.g. chocolate snacks, fruit, crisps etc. I always found these to be best stowed for the next day's journey.

Quick venue guide : Key: D - Dancing afterwards, S - Shower at venue, H - Hotel accommodation (otherwise it was at someone's house), R - Restaurant meal / T - Take away at venue (otherwise was in house catering)
Nouveau Casino, Paris - D, S [Blow Up night, Art Nouveau restaurant bar outside, modern black inside]
Box'Son, Nancy - H, T [Local bar, small home made stage at back, used our own PA]
Tower, Bremen - D [2 stage venue - smaller upper area became 60's dance club afterwards]
Coffy, Dusseldorf - D, H, R [club under coffee bar, hatch to pass gear from road : too small for Hammond]
Landespavillion, Stuttgart - D, S [large hall on edge of dangerous park near central station]
Atomic Cafe, Munich - D, H, T [cool spacey club, painful push through the crowd to clear gear after gig]

Odds and sods : - have a few instrumentals up your sleeve in case of vocalist throat problems. - gear is usually safer in the venue than left overnight in the van, and loading up is easier when sober, however this does slow down getting away the next day.

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CD review : 'International Sweetheart' Shameless (Rainbow Quartz RQTZ 024)
My good friend and New Yorker Anne Husick invited me to review her CD for ya. I first met Anne several years ago at a 'Prisoner' cult TV convention at Portmeirion, with her amazing friends Geoff Notkin (cover star on the CD), and - hold your breath - Norman England. Eat your hearts out cult TV cynics because it was a fantastic week and sparked several amazing things. Best of all Anne periodically appears in London playing with some fab international band like The Band of Susans or The Demolition String Band, and I get to lig. She's also pointed me at excellent happenings in New York on my all-too-rare visits.
1. Voices - powerful multi-layered hypnotic vocals over strong guitar song about listening to the voices in your head.
2. The Corner - a chunky multi-harmony invitation to LOVE…or at the very least to come to the corner of the street.
3. Enemy - military 3-time rhythm kicks off this warning to anyone that lets the friends get too close...
4. Your version of me - Guitar riff with a twist backs the thought, as this track points out, that our perfect bedtime dreams of people are not the reality. Indeed, reality is much stranger.
5. Hurricane - a 3-time flight through the eye of a hurricane, accompanied by trippy melodies.
6. Grey Symphony - slower number sums up those moments when there's nothing to believe in. Hey, it's been out a while, but I think you missed it. Anne provides the amazing vocals, acoustic guitar and bass for Shameless, whilst Ned Stroh gives us stonking drum backing, and Chris Gibson provides the tuneful lead and rainy fuzz guitar sounds. If you want to get hold of a copy, or find out the cool things that are happening in New York, you can contact Anne at ShamelessH@aol.com…and if you're in New York, check out Anne's 9th annual Libra Birthday Bash starting 7pm on Thursday, October 10th at Sidewalk Cafe (94 Ave A, NYC) featuring : 7 - Michael Hofmann ; 7:30 - Leif Solem's Land of Orgasm ; 8 - Geoking ; 9 - Anne Husick & Knot Watkins (with the beautiful ladies of Shameless) ; 10- Briana Winter ; 11 - The Bitter Poet. Say hello from Parsley and win one of her classic grins.

Club : The Heavy Load Club, Saturday 5th October
This free and very popular club, specialising in rock from mainly 67-75, has it's first Saturday of the month slot at the Pleasure Unit, 359 Bethnal Green road E2. Nearest tube Bethnal Green 8.30 - 2am. Free entry all night, but no entry after midnight. More info at http://www.heavyload.clara.co.uk/

Club : Alternately check out the South London Pacific tiki bar in Kennington (excellent venue), where a top funky night out is to be had with with DJs Frank-N-Phil…but don't think you can come along without dancing. Phil is an Art Rocker DJ and plays an excellent eclectic mix. It's at South London Pacific, 340 Kennington Road. 5 mins from Oval tube.

TV Review : The League of Gentlemen, Thursdays at 10pm BBC2
The long awaited return of League of Gentlemen began this week. If you haven't seen them before, it's like a sick dream you would have after sleeping on a serious cheese and pickle sandwich. I watched the first 2 series several times consecutively courtesy of Liam Watson from Toe Rag who brought them on tour with The Bristols. Those series fitted together 'neatly' and had brought all the stories to a conclusion. Now they pick up the pieces of those who were not left dead (and some of those who were !) at the end of series 2. This first episode featured Pauline, the nightmare Jobseeker lady, who was in prison after her earlier antics. Here she finds a strangely moving affair with brainless jobseeker Mickey, who doesn't realise she's been sent by Social Security to spy. Meanwhile there is a new character in the local Doctor. If patients refuse to accept he won't give them anything stronger than a painkiller he invites them round to his house for fun and games - literally. Obviously there's a lot to live up to from previous series, but this was a good start, although sad that the 'full' sounding music in the last series has been replaced by a more 'bedroom studio' sounding effort.
Overall Rating : thumbs up. Hypnotic, compulsive, tragic re-writing of reality makes an interesting return.

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Guitarist available : Michael Michael from Germany is living in London now, and looking for a band or people to jam out with...favoured style RnB/60s/Garage/Psych. He plays a Telecaster on a 100 W Fender amp. He played drums before as well but he hasn't got a kit here. His number is 0779 6292608 or you can e-mail him at peterpaule@aol.com.

Professional photography : Lisa Lisa is a professional photographer for the Independent and others. If you need photos for your label or your band (portraits or live performance) she can be contacted at lisabarber@mphnews.fsnet.co.uk or mobile 07899 834 518.

CD Review : Real People Are Overrated - The Realistics, Tiswas records TWR512
Good news for us Realistics junkees, aside from their impending return for more gigs, is that the Art Rocker stall now has copies of their 2001 album. Featuring their trademark sounds, but also moments of almost pastiche from other pop / rock classics, it's an interesting twist :
1. Monotony - 3 minutes of great pop party opener, with moog signature noise.
2. Quickie Gone B.B. - Slower start before the characteristic backing harmonies drive it along.
3. Starvation Days - A 'Police'-like verse, leads to a moogy quirky chorus.
4. Apartment Two - Great moog-led hypnotic song with advert-like punch, and nice line in neighbourly paranoia.
5. All Along The Highway - Straight-ish guitar song with a touch of Elvis's 'This Year's Girl' and sad words.
6. Should've Known - This is David Dundas piano rhythm meets falsetto soulful vocal. XTC 'White Noise' ending.
7. Turning Around - I think they did this poppy chorus song in their set when they were over. Touches of 'Pump it up', and teenage lust lyrics.
8. Four-Letter Word - This is quirky and strange, with a catchy chorus.
9. Digital Brigade - This is straight poppy stuff, but jumbled with multiple changes till your mind's been spun round.
10. Prettiest Idiot - chunky 3 chord pop, but one of them's a strange one, and it's breakneck pace, with screaming vocal and moog chaos break.
11. New Direction - Beat box starts this crazy latino-esque anti-anthem.
12. X Effect - Moog-led android rock against cloning.
13. Comedy of error - Slightly shouting synthy pop anthem, with melodic harmony hookline. More sharing around of the lead vocal changes the sound quite dramatically along the way. Like all the best pop, the songs are all around 3 minutes long. Wild booklet featuring sometimes just one line snippets of oblique lyrics and pics of the guys' antics before we knew them. Some immediate pop pleasure (fave tracks 'Monotony' and 'Apartment Two'), plenty of musical adventure and thought provoking lyrics to get your mind's teeth into.

Web site tip : http://www.ufoseries.com/
Marc Martin's UFO series home page with delicious pictures, and Quicktime clips, from the best TV show ever (my humble opinion). Real 'pick through the details' stuff with the birthdays and recent activities of actors and actresses from the show. Find out, for example, that Ayshea Brough (SHADO communication operative, and later host of pop show 'Lift Off With Ayshea') is now running her own interior design company.

Gig review : Charles Napiers and Flaming Stars at The Borderline 19/09/02
Charles Napiers were just great, and they and their soundtrack backing were mercifully clearly audible. I'm delighted they are gigging again. Flaming Stars were their reliably mean, moody and magnificent selves. The Borderline is a 'prestigious' venue in London's parking-free West End. The Napiers were supposed to go on at 8, but another 2 bands were put on the bill at the last minute, so after rushing there I stood around waiting. The venue 'lost' the cheap list and it was £7.50 to get in. I had thought it was good that they played the Borderline, but after that I thought they'd have been better off elsewhere...

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Drummers available : Rusty Floyd, Matthew Maus
Don't tell me you can't find a drummer ! I have 2 excellent exponents of the art available : - Rusty Floyd has flown in from the States and is looking for a suitable band to apply his talents to. He is quite a hard drummer, lorra fills etc. He was in the M-80s for ages, a band called the Easy Livin (ex-Mourning Shakes), and a couple of other NY punk bands. He cut his teeth on really fast punk. So his style is punk/garage. He likes Keith Moon, Ginge etc. but he is very broad minded and an adaptable drummer. He played in a rockabilly band in NY for a while too. The only thing he probably wouldn't want to do is White Stripes type drumming - too basic and sans bass player. He plays guitar too. If you're interested you can contact him via Angela_Floyd@ml.com - Matthew is the legendary drummer from too many legendary bands to mention, except I would be tempted to name drop The Clique and his magnificent deputy work for my bands the Adventures of Parsley, Dutronc and The Silhouettes. He's a regular on the 'New Untouchables' modernist scene and an excellent chap. He can be contacted via his home email at matthew@themauspad.fsnet.co.uk.

CD Review supplemental : The Electric Shocks
Sorry, forgot to mention with my review in Art Rocker 45, that although the CD I have is a collector's item to die for (God I love writing for Art Rocker !), the first 3 tracks are going to be their triple A side single with Vinyl Japan (good call, VJ). Some of the other tracks and new stuff are due to appear later on ArtRocker as a mini album.

Book : The Hammond Organ, Beauty in the B - by Mark Vail, Published by Miller Freeman Books ISBN 0-87930-459-6 $24.95
Charlie Diamond was kind enough to lend me his copy of this. Being me, it took ages to get round to having a look at it, but I can now thoroughly recommend it if you can get a copy, and if you're interested in Hammonds. As well as a detailed history, it has excellent pictures of lots of different models, and great tips on techniques, soloing, and settings. Most fun for me was to discover the settings top Hammond players usually use. [Trainspotters only : Rod Argent's fave draw bar setting is to have the bottom 2 draw bars all the way out, while Keith Emerson likes to pull out the bottom 3. Before now my settings have only been for volume - top manual all 6's, bottom manual all 4's]

Web site tip : http://www.mapblast.com/myblastd/driveStart.dsp
Touring Europe with your band, and trying to ensure the venues aren't too far apart ? Tediously this site 'defaults' to USA answers, but ignore that and it can be used to establish distances, travel times and directions. Even gives you a map showing the suggested route.

CD Review : Terrahawks Original Television Soundtrack (Fanderson Records FANTH9).
N.B. As far as I am aware this CD is only available to members of Fanderson (The Official Gerry Anderson Appreciation Society). If you want to join, the details are at http://www.fanderson.org.uk/fanderson.html#Club. Join now, and be ready to get the UFO soundtrack CD, due out before Christmas ! After the previous Fanderson releases of the combo Fireball XL5/Supercar CD, and the 2 double CD's of Space:1999 music, next up is this interesting collection of Terrahawks music. Obviously when Gerry Anderson's music isn't by Barry Gray the feeling isn't the same, but a few points caught my eye and ear. Richard Harvey (the main composer) had worked with the excellent Maurice Jarre (Dad of Jean-Michel) who did his orchestral recording at Abbey Road. After Terrahawks, Harvey went on to work with Elvis Costello on the score for 'GBH'. One of the CD's songs is co-written by Hammer Films music man Harry Robinson, who not only wrote the magnificent 'Journey to the Unknown' theme, but also provided the orchestrations for Benny Hill. The CD includes 3 demos for the main theme, 1 of which later became the full main theme. This was intended to pay homage to Star Wars, Dallas and E.T. The idea behind the music was to provide an orchestral sound from the considerably cheaper new synth technology. This is synthi in the vein of 'I lost my heart to a starship trooper'. It's an interesting musical 'vision', that for me evokes the pint of lemonade and 2 packets of Wheat Cruchies that I would have when I watched the show on the student hall's TV in Manchester, early 80's.

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Hero of the week : Ray Beverley
Ray is the bass player of sixties popsters 'Rupert's People' who produced the classic 'Dream In My Mind' and are also known for their version of the track 'Hold On', and 'Reflections of Charles Brown'. Ray is a top-notch guy, who went on to form his own successful design company, although these days he works for other people. He has a magnificent collection of cars including a Mark 2 Jag, and an amazing house out in the country. Most importantly, he doesn't carry a massive ego, but is one of those solid types that keep the show on the road. He also is still up for wearing the full psychedelic regalia onstage, so he's definitely a man after my own heart. You can find more about Rupert's People at http://www.makingtime.co.uk/rupert.html, and the company that Ray is Head of Design for have a web site at http://www.in-pursuit.co.uk/.

Film review : The Bourne Identity
Well, the night after I heard Radio 4 slag it off as unrealistic but fun, I watched this excellent spy film with a twist. Matt Damon plays a spy who has lost his memory, but, confusingly for him, retained his skills of languages and escaping when people are chasing him. He has to work out who he is and what's going on before his ex-colleagues kill him. In this he is aided by German actress Franka Potente, who starred in the wonderful German film 'Lola Rennt' ('Run Lola Run' in English). It's a role with similarities for her, but she does it great. The film has fantastic shots of Paris: La Defense and Pont Neuf were particularly fun for me, having been lucky enough to spend time at both with work and music making at different times. The violence was, as with most modern films, a bit too flinch-inducing as far as I was concerned, but the speed of the action was very exciting. The other thing that I found immensely satisfying was the supposition that a cool girl in Zurich will be driving an old fashioned mini as her car of choice. It's then great to see it chase through Paris escaping from the police. As a regular mini driver I can confirm that it is much more likely to be able to weave through traffic avoiding collisions than others are (although you might fare worse if you were actually involved in a collision...). There was also a nice line in computer paranoia as phonelines, CCTV, and credit card payments enable the CIA to trace everyone everywhere.
Overall Rating : thumbs emphatically up. Didn't have the amount of humour of my current 2002 favourite 'Men In Black 2', but was jam packed with action and excitement. Robert Ludlum, the guy who wrote the original book & was also executive producer, died 6 months ago, but has left 2 other books that may later extend the story.

Web site tip : http://www.tv.cream.org/
Bruce Brand put me on to this amazing website that catalogues ancient TV shows, and is invaluable for when you remember some oscure TV show, but only in the vaguest detail. I knew it was a winner when it had a picture from the show 'Zokko'. This was a kids' show that linked together various bits of magic tricks, animation and God knows what with a talking pinball table [Magician Ali Bongo who appeared here, also provided magic advice for 'Tarot Ace of Wands']. Although you knew you would get a weekly helping of a space serial, the rest of the show was an apparently random selection of bits and pieces. The good thing was that no bit of the show was too long, so if one bit didn't interest you there would be something else along in a minute. It was this 'jamboree bag' editorial style that inspired the way I put together my contributions for this mailout…

Drink : Home made milkshakes
Trying to avoid the dodgy yet seductive McDonalds milkshakes in the summer days, I have taken to a home made variety. This is particularly helped by Lidl, who are currently selling 2 Litres of Ballino Soft Scoop Vanilla Flavour Ice Cream at a mere 52p! Putting a tablespoon of Chocolate Nesquik milk shake mix into a pint glass, I then put scoops of the ice cream in till about half-full, pour over semi-skimmed milk, and then stir with the tablespoon, squashing the ice cream into more liquid format. Repeat to the full pint level. Stir / add ice cream according to taste - less stirring/more ice cream leaves you with a thicker shake. If you're adventurous then replace the Nesquik with various real fruit or fruit juices, or use flavoured ice cream. In the words of Mr. Hammersmith from the film 'Tangerine' this is "nectar of the gods", although of course you do have to dance off the resulting extra weight at Art Rocker club on Tuesday nights…

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CD Review: The Electric Shocks - Managed to get a copy of the demo CD from guitarist Dave after their excellent performance at Art Rocker. I was embarrassed to find that I had witnessed their set previously when they supported Fraff, but somehow it hadn't hit me - probably because I was too preoccupied with my DJ-ing on the night in question. Anyway, I was happy to get a second chance, 'cos they're great.

1. My My - opens with a blistering rocker, with a single note guitar twang leading it on some bits. Comes to a sudden brave stop after a mere 1:26
2. Baby what's your plan ? - "a thriller with the last page missing". Another fast moving track with a good backing vocalled singalong chorus. Just makes it to 2 minutes.
3. Life is Sweet - Harmonica opens this rocker with a garage style 'speed up' bit, and rock 'n' roll guitar. Just makes it to 3 minutes !
4. Sick Sick Feeling - back to lightning fast for this 40 seconds of fun.
5. Lust and Mistrust - sounds like the single to me, with very catchy chorus and cheeky little verse bassline and lyrics. [Mind they don't try to nick it for a car advert !]
6. I'm Wrong - This has one of those deceptive bass-less verses that gives way to a full on chorus romp with 'Pearly Spencer' vocals through a radio imploring "I'm wrong".

Daniel seduces us with lyrics that kick and harmonica. Guitar comes from top man Dave, and Kaoru who also provides keyboard and backing vocals. Johnny stonks the drums and Jennie plays bass.

It's today's rock sound where flashes of Buzzcocks meet the Only Ones. Maybe add Wire 'cos of the track length. This is the epitome of what I expect an Art Rocker band to sound like - that's if some of us didn't keep pushing with retro sixties-kitsch space-fest ideas just to confuse the matter.

To use the vernacular, it rocks. You can contact them via Dan on 07801 095694 or Dave at lpeditor@yahoo.com, and they've got a web site at www.theelectricshocks.com.

Recordings: Ian Shaw - Ah yes, there is one other place beyond Toe Rag I have forgotten to mention. Former King of Shaw Sound Ian Shaw is now plying his trade doing digital 'fixing'/ song arrangement/programming and mixing work, often working with artists' home recordings. If you've tried it yet, you'll know that the vocals often let the home recording side down, and Ian specialises in recording them. He works mostly from home where he has an air-conditioned recording room with Pro Tools and old Neve/valve equipment, Neumann and AKG mics, Cubase for programming and excellent coffee (it says here...). I can assure you he's the business, as not only has he stomached working with yours truly and my band The Herbs, but he's also recently done Snuff, The Tiger Lillees, and the Would Be Goods new album.

It doesn't end there, as in the dim and distant he has worked with many more, including ABC, Super Furry Animals, Primal Scream, Edward Ball, Nick Heyward, Julian Cope, Shriekback, The Mekons, Heavenly, Kevin Rowland, Furniture and Mari Wilson. His rates start at £150 per day, and you can contact him on 020 8962 9413 or 07968 445382.

Club: The Lunar Lounge, Thursday 5th September Lunar Lounge Upstairs @ The Embassy Bar, 119 Essex Road Islington London N1 2SN Tel: (020) 7226 9849 Angel tube station (Northern line) or Highbury & Islington (Victoria line/BR). Mid-weeker at the Embassy with Lunar Lounge DJs. Admission free www.lunarlounge.co.uk

Concert: The Felix Moment Power Trio + The Embrooks + The Sires, Friday 6th September At the Fusilier & Firkin. Expect delivery of some razor sharp r'n'b, mighty freakbeat and manic garage respectively. The Fusilier & Firkin is opposite Camden Lock at 7-8 Chalk Farm Rd NW1. Door opens 8.00pm. Admission £4

Club: The Heavy Load Club, Saturday 7th September Yes, I know Fraff are on too, but this is another cool thing that's happening. It's at the Pleasure Unit, 359 Bethnal Green road E2. Nearest tube Bethnal Green 8.30 - 2am. Free entry all night, but no entry after midnight. The music, for those of you who haven't experienced a Heavy Load yet, is good rockin' from the 1960s and 1970s, circa 1967- 75.They're not in it for the money, just the music and meeting great people. Get your hippy hat on and come along.
More info at http://www.heavyload.clara.co.uk

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CD Review: The Special Agents "Double-0-Surfin'" CD EP< Agent Geoff kindly sent me this Sheffield band's new release from Italian label Vitaminic.

1. Double-0-Surfin' - Title track begins with the immortal words of Ed Bishop a.k.a. Captain Blue. The tune is, as it suggests, a menacing surf twang that uses the rising scale from The James Bond Theme.
2. Cast Your Spell - Lighter keyboard-fest reminiscent of a Booker T cricket theme, if the match was, say, played on a beach.
3. Davros is Headless - Opens with a delightful Daleks in London quote, and becomes a screaming garage growling dancey number reminiscent of The Green Hornets at the height of their powers.
4. Dub All Agents - An interesting dub re-mix of a previous Agents release "Soul Agent".

The songs are written by Agent Geoff (organ and guitar) except for 'Davros' which is the first song by Agent Chris bassist - he's off to a flying start. Sharp pop drumming is provided by Agent Scott, with Agent Rod supplying the vital twangs on guitar. This is good stuff, that I would place mid-way between Swiss groovers The Men From SPECTRE, and evil guitar soundtrack-ers The Charles Napiers. The CD can be bought online from http://stage.vitaminic.co.uk/main/the_special_agents or direct from the band at Special Agents World HQ, PO Box 1562, Sheffield, South Yorkshire S2 2XU.

If you want to catch them live, they are playing at the Casbah in Sheffield on Wednesday 28th August with Fishswim and The Replicants. It's Agent Geoff's birthday then, so don't forget to wish him all the best. They've also got a website at www.geocities.com/thespecialagents

Club concert: Friday 30th August 2002 -The Lunar Lounge LIVE @ Spitz, Old Spitalfields Market 109 Commercial Street London E1 6BG. Tel:(020) 7392 9032. Liverpool Street tube (Central, Hammersmith & City, Metropolitan). Live performances from the fabulous GENE DRAYTON UNIT (unique Sax driven Hammond combo, web site www.genedraytonunit.com) plus more funky Hammond and vibe from THE MILLION DOLLAR MEN Plus! Lunar Lounge DJ's. Admission £8.50, Doors 8pm-01.00am. Advance tickets on 07786 540 286 www.lunarlounge.co.uk

Competition: The first Lunar Lounge monthly competition appears at www.lunarlounge.co.uk, and the prize this month is a vinyl copy of The Adventures of Parsley album "TOP TV THEMES" plus a pair of tickets to the 25th October Lunar Lounge LIVE! Another pair of tickets will go to two runners up. Simply visit the site, go to the competition page and enter your e-mail address in the box provided. Competition closes Friday 20th September and a random winner will be picked from the hat and notified by an e-mail requesting a delivery address.

Buy: Sick of uncomfortable headphones that won't stay in your ears ? I can personally recommend Sony MDR-228LP headphones, which have a groove shaped earpiece which means they sit better and enable you to hear more clearly without wacking up the volume. They are not cheap: £17.50 at Argos (product ID 534/1290), but they have made a significant improvement to my Walkman experience.

Web site tip: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Film/8165/content.htm A Guide To Avengerland, this site is the a guide to the locations used during the filming of classic British television series including The Avengers, The Prisoner, The Saint, Danger Man, Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased), The Baron, The Champions, The Persuaders, Man In A Suitcase, The Protectors, The Professionals and more.

DVD Review: Moonbase 3: The Complete Series, Second Sight Films Ltd.< Catalogue Number: 2NDVD3038 This is what happens if you cross the genuine Apollo spaceflight coverage with Doctor Who. With James Burke advising on the scientific accuracy, and Dudley Simpson providing the Radiophonic Workshop music, this is a joy for those of us that wanted to end up in space when we were kids. Moonbase 3 is the European base (1 is American, 2 is Russian). The 2 DVDs contain all 6 episodes, and are remarkably prophetic with their visions of water on the moon, and international space collaboration versus the costs being reviewed politically (in Eurodollars !).

Overall rating: Thumbs up. Highly recommended for Space fans like myself !

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CD Review: Got the latest Felix Moment Power Trio demo CD, & thoroughly delicious ‘tis too.

1. Penny for a Bean - Super sharp pop song that evokes memories of the band’s crazy stage cavorting.
2. Materialise - My favourite grinding track about a London walk. Great verse that makes the hairs on my arms come up: ‘Sometime later on a West End escalator, I concluded that my role was somewhat underpaid, Like a raindrop in the ocean, no prospect of promotion, walk into the crowd and watch me fade….fade away !’
3. Doreen (my bone is decent) - Chirpy little song about church-goer misbehaviour. Stonking drum sequence. Ends by rolling into a swooping instrumental.
4. Filthy Little Slice - humorous snappy song about lust, with a Peter Gunn style riff. Overall, the whole package is reminiscent of Wilko Johnson at the height of his powers, and is a guaranteed good night out. Johnny Geezer drums is as sharp as you would expect from the man that drives The Kaisers’ sound. Professor Blinding on bass is a surprise package in wacky 70’s wide collar and lapels, with a style like Blockheads bassist Norman Watt-Roy.

Charlie Diamond guitar is a top guy, fantastic guitarist, and amazing stage mover, even when he’s done his shoulder in the day before. Recommended.

You can contact the band via professor.blinding@virgin.net or +44(0)208 802 7739.

Web site tip: http://www.mydigiguide.com Slightly confused about this one. I used it to have the Digiguide folks automatically tell me when my favourite TV and radio programmes were going to be on. Then I found I’d been de-registered and they were going to charge money for the same service. I’d finally decided it was so useful I was going to pay, went back to the site and found that I could get the service for free again (?!).

It takes ages to add all your favourite TV programmes (although you can click on them in the full TV guide listing if you find them), but then you can see at a glance when just the programmes you want to watch are on. The individual programme listing is more detailed than it used to be, so it helps you spot when you’ve seen an episode before, but unfortunately this has made it a bit too long to print off like I used to (unless you don’t have many channels or shows).

It’s great if you have cable or satellite (where it is difficult to spot the good amongst the dreadful), but also for the programmes that are never scheduled in a regular slot, like the magnificent Phil Silvers Show. Highly recommended, and I’m looking forward to the next step where this plumbs sensibly into the video and maintains your collection for you.

Give it 5 years I’d say - although it’s already partly working in Germany.

Film review: Dungeons and Dragons (Sky Premier last Thursday) Okay, let’s face it - you’ve been waiting for a film I didn’t like. Well, this isn’t quite it, ‘cos I like to think I’m not dumb enough to waste my time on a film I knew was an absolute howler (unless it was at least a mark of respect for someone that had recommended it or invited me to see it).

Anyway, this film is highly derivative and frighteningly formulaic. I like baddie Jeremy Irons, especially as he was in Play Away, and it was great to see Richard O’Brien in a film. I just couldn’t get the side of my head that was trying to meet this mystical magical world to stay joined to the part that was hearing a kind of American street talk being sprouted by the young guy characters. I just wasn’t sitting in the right ‘demographic’ for the film marketeers.

When the swords sparkled and crackled like light sabres, there was a heroic Queen, and the dragons started swooping and diving like a big space fight, we were basically in Star Wars. Pretty ironic given that Star Wars used the fantasy genre as a springboard itself, so we’d come full circle. I did get tired in Lord of The Rings, but I was always comfortable with the quality of the production.

In this, the so-called impossible tasks were accomplished with ease, and it was a stereotype Richard Pryor-like young ‘comedy relief’ black gent. that was making me feel uncomfortable. What was going on? The ‘12’ certificate violence sat alongside some dialogue and plot that was lighter than PG ! 2 saving graces:

Firstly, the good guy who got killed did not suddenly magically appear unharmed, as seemed likely as the film went on. Secondly, it was not a pure Hollywood machine movie, as the filming was done entirely on location in the now-submerged Prague, and production elements were drawn from Australia & Canada…and the effects were good.

Overall Rating: thumbs horizontal to down. Watch if you don’t want to be challenged, and if special effects can take your mind off the cringe-worthy scenes.

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Holiday idea: The Wild Wild West - Learned last week of a Wild West Holiday venue in Cornwall where you can caught up in gunfights, become a deputy, ride a horse, go on trial and get locked in jail, go in the saloon and all that crazy stuff. No kidding.

Check out the web site at http://www.wildwestthemepark.co.uk.

I gather it’s not far from the amazing 'Eden project', so you can even do the two of them.

Van driver (and van) available: Bands and others may like to know that David Viner (07973 293270, email - davidviner99@hotmail.com) is available to meet your van driving needs e.g. international tours, at modest rates, and can supply the van to do it.

Web site tip: Track down monies you are owed for your appearances on records via the guys at this site: www.ppluk.com

Film review: What Women Want Sky Premier (boo, hiss) showed this on Saturday. Mel Gibson stars as a stereotype chauvinist guy who acquires the ability to hear women's thoughts after getting an electric shock. The bit before he gets the shock is embarrassing, but once he gets his new ability it gets a lot funnier, although with predictable conclusions i.e. when you know what other people are thinking you are more sympathetic to them.

Yep, I was typically moved by him falling in love with the woman he's been manipulating, but I did feel the logical flaw: everyone (woman or man) is likely to want unique attention, and no one person can provide that for everyone, even if they know what everyone else is thinking. And what would happen if all the frauds owned up, and all the nowhere people got the appreciation they deserved ? The amazing thing about watching this on Saturday, was that later that same night the SciFi channel featured a very similar episode of old TV show ‘The Twilight Zone’. It starred the guy from the TV show 'Bewitched'. This time he could also hear what men thought, and he (more realistically) mis-read what someone thought.

Overall Rating: thumbs up, but will mainly appeal to sentimental people like meself, and is not as sharp as other such films with a weird twist e.g. Groundhog Day.

Record review: Val's Basement 45 If sheer rock and roll stamina guaranteed success, stalwarts Val's Basement (www.valsbasement.co.uk) would have made it years ago. Instead, here they are plying their trade with a black and white sleeved 7" on their own Motorcityfuel Recordings, as trailed by Luzio last week.

A side - Fatgold - Scott's full on chunky guitar drives this along with the backing of tight rhytmn section (Graham bass and Danny Drums) before John lets loose with the lead vocals. It's a raw brash sound that evokes their stage performance.

B side - (Lil'red) Routemaster has a kind of Status Quo start, before tribal drumming and plenty of fuzz guitar and bass let rip. 'Bottle' sound guitar solo takes it away.

The band are good guys and always have a laugh. In my mind they've moved to a rockier sound with this single. In the topsy turvy music world they'll probably win a 'best newcomers' award when they get some recognition. In the meantime they've added a pumping single to my collection.

Check them out at BlowUp/The Metro on Saturday 24th August.

Club: Friday (16th) - The Lunar Lounge, downstairs @ The Embassy Bar 119 Essex Road Islington London N1 2SN Tel: (020) 7226 9849 (Tube - Highbury or Angel Train - Essex Road). The Lunar Lounge DJ's return to this popular venue with their special blend of Hammond funk, trip-tease, Japanese Club Pop and more! Admission FREE.

Joke: I’m told Robert de Niro is to play Harold Shipman in a dramatization of his life. It’s called ‘The Old Deer Hunter’.

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CD review: Gee, I hope you saw The Realistics (www.therealistics.com) 'cos they've gone back to New York now, and they were blooming marvellous. Reminded me of The Yachts at the Kensington Nashville back in '79 for energy and new wave pop excitement. I'm so glad I bought a copy (76 of 200) of their limited edition CD, 'cos it's great.

Tracks are:

1. It's Alright, It's Okay - full on rocking start with self-effacing lyrics about party behaviour.
2. Angie - stonking melodic track with soul style chorus.
3. Why didn't you stay - hairs up on the back of the neck for those of us who know what it's like to be romantically haunted by someone that didn't stick around. The falsetto tune is as hypnotic as the lyrics. Stonking chorus. My favourite track of the 7.
4. Tiny Avalanches - Another absolute corker tight pop tune with great lyrics about the ledge you jump from when you're living behind a lie. Great harmonies and rising chord sequence with a keyboard sound that's reminiscent of 'Echo Beach'. Second favourite.
5. Stranded in Stereo - another rocky one, with multi-layered vocals driving it on. Lead vocals getting progressively more hysterical through the song.
6. Go Ahead - Monkees style backing vocals and electric piano bring you to a rocky chorus.
7. Film Star - Melodic Oasis-style rhythm backs a sad song about someone that isn't a big flame in the fire. Moogy solo at the end.

They fell about on stage whilst playing razor sharp. Behind delicious organ from Will and great words and vocal lines from guitar lead Dennis, there was amazing full-on drumming from Dave, and Mike, a bass player whose hand always found the fret despite crazy leaping about. Dennis re-tuned his guitar in a half second gap in the song after he broke a string.

The guys do amazing 3-part harmonies and soulful falsettos. Will all the bands who aren't quite sure listen and learn: this is what a band should be like ! Very refreshing. If you missed it they’re heading back here in the autumn.

Drummer wanted: The Rocket Scientists have got a tour arranged in San Francisco in a few weeks and they are drummer-less. Do you know anyone in the area that would be up for drumming with them ? Their influences are Strokes, Foo Fighters, Super Furry Animals, Stereolab and The Hives.

If you or anyone you know might be up for it, please contact the amazing Lydia (bass player) directly at lydialolly@yahoo.co.uk. [If you're not in the area, you are still welcome to join them if you can fund your own travel to San Francisco...]

Film review: Men In Black 2 Breakneck speed delivery for further venture into aliens in the city madness. The frantic pace reminded me of the tedious ‘Cats and Dogs’, but this film was sharp, with cool styling and good jokes. Nice to see some product placement for wacky things like Twister, rather than the usual corporate stuff.

I did like the way Will Smith couldn’t resist additional meddling in peoples’ psychic inertia, whilst he brainwashes them into thinking they never saw an alien. Nice touches like the morose security guard at MIB headquarters, and the alien race living in a locker at Grand Central station. Tommy Lee Jones is a cool mother and compulsive viewing. Love it when he says ‘we are what we are, even if we forget sometimes’.

There’s a bit of an ‘Ed Wood’ moment as the Men In Black use a ‘Twilight Zone’-style video to remind themselves of what actually happened with one of their old cases. The whole package was tighter and funnier than last week’s Austin Powers 3. Michael Jackson actually looked vaguely human when he appeared, and his bit was quite funny and self-effacing.

Overall Rating: thumbs up. This film ‘hit the spot’ for me, and it’s good to know that films with attitude still get made.

Correction: Sorry, the number I gave for Gizzard Studios last week was missing a ‘0’. It’s 020 8880 0980.

Web site tip: Check this out: amazing online version of book cataloguing British Beat, R&B, Psychedelic and Progressive Rock 1963 - 1976: http://www.borderlinebooks.com/uk6070s/tapestry.html

parsley.L@virgin.net (hey you guys - that’s for real letters to me, not spam !)

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Hero of the week: I met Steve Brown, a.k.a. Glen Ponder of Alan Partridge’s house band ‘Ferrari’. He’s doing music for the All New Harry Hill Show, and the house band are called ‘The Harrys’, with musicians made to look like Harry Hill. I think Steve Brown thought he’d found his very own ‘mentalist’ as I enthused about his musical contribution to long gone radio comedy show ‘In One Ear’.

Never mind. He and his band were magnificent as Harry performed an impromptu tribute to Cliff, setting the words of the Lord’s Prayer to a succession of James Bond themes.

Web site tip: Get free tickets to TV shows (like Harry Hill) by signing up at http://www.tvrecordings.com.

CD Review: I was lucky enough to get a limited edition CD by the Speed of Sound.

The 4 tracks are:

1. Ring Of Confidence - racey instrumental link guides you into a hypnotic ballad vocal duet by Kevin keyboards and Debbie drums.
2. Bloodstock - James bass player sings this hard driving tale of running across the grass as Pete guitar wigs out in accompaniment.
3. Firepower - Kevin puts on ‘Days of Pearly Spencer’ voice / describes himself (‘a common cold’) and a mysterious American loud person who reminds me of me in gregarious mood.
4. Absolutely Straight - Great keyboard-lead pop instrumental beginning leads into oblique observations about our world (‘can you swim ?’).

The whole thing is a taster for their forthcoming album, and although it isn’t a commercial release yet, you can download MP3’s of the tracks from http://www.speed-of-sound.com/recordings.htm.

Film review: Saw ‘Austin Powers Goldmember’ on Saturday. Some great moments that cannot be missed e.g. Steven Spielberg directing Tom Cruise as Austin Powers, union jack mini (new unfortunately) becoming a submarine, the Osbournes critiquing the film.

Also some great music - check out Austin’s song about his Dad, and ‘What’s It All About…Austin ?’ over the end credits. Same rambling content / more style than comedy, but still held my attention.

Mike Myers is now doing so many characters that he can’t remember where one ends and the next begins. Dr. Evil is particularly ‘off character’ at times.

Good to see Adventures of Parsley friend Neil Mullarkey reprise his Doctor role, this time for bad guys. Something wrong with me, because I expected a bit more real action adventure instead of remorseless bum/pee jokes, but that’s not to say I didn’t laugh. Glad to see him keeping my blue velvet suit in fashion.

Overall Rating - thumbs up. There are better films, but you won’t regret going.

Studio recordings: Ever imagined I would recommend a studio other than Toe Rag ? Well, yes, actually: it’s been put together by the legendary Ed Deegan, former Toe Rag engineer, Dr. Who fan, and all round excellent guy. Here’s the details of ‘GIZZARD RECORDING’: Analogue and hard disk recording studio, specialising in recording all live music.

You can find them at ZEN, 51 Leswin Road, Stoke Newington, London, N16, UK. Tel +44(0) 0208 880 098. Email soundsfat@hotmail.com for a studio spec. Prices are £130 pounds for an 8 hour day (includes engineer and all backline, drums, amps etc), £10 pounds per hour for mixing.

Some clients include Cornershop, Sexton Ming, Sonic Torpedoes, Delicatessen, The Imposable.

Trick questions (thanks to Kingbeard):
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What colour is a purple finch? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand

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Science fiction lives: Casio Colour Digital Wrist Camera at Argos. Cat.No. 251/7687 http://www.argos.co.uk Got one of these for my birthday - fantastic. Thought it was weird, but now it’s at Argos I guess it’s mainstream.

Agony column: ‘Dear Doctor Parsley, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t want to go out with me. What should I do ?’ - Doctor Parsley writes ‘Forget them and go find someone with better taste.

Better yet, write a hit song about your pain, get it off your chest, make loads of money and use it to set up a free advice service for the broken hearted.’

Hero of the week: I met Susannah Cheal MBE, head of the ‘Who Cares?’ Trust (http://www.thewhocarestrust.org.uk) which helps kids in care, this week. She’s a hard working ‘good guy’ who has an amazing vision for a virtual room that kids in care could bring up on the computer of wherever they found themselves that minute, and organise in the way they chose.

They created this idea from asking the kids in care what they actually wanted (a simple but effective method that is often overlooked !).

Web site tip: Use the Railtrack journey planner http://212.87.65.227/bin/newquery.exe/en to make sure you can get home after the gig. Also good at suggesting new routes for those of us that only ever knew of the Underground.

Job spot: Nostalgia pays the rent : 1960’s film extras are wanted for forthcoming film/TV productions set in the 1960’s. I’m told the rates of pay are excellent. If interested, contact Cherry or Jane on 020 7242 6717 or send recent photo(s) together with daytime Tel No’s to The X-Files, Fully Booked Inc Ltd (FBI), 4th floor, 20-24 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS

Record Review: The Embrooks have a new CD EP out called ‘Back In My Mind’. The sleeve is amazing with the guys holding their instruments outside the green Royal Albert Hall under a purple psychedelic sky.

The 4 tracks are: Back In My Mind - stonking poppy track with strong sing along chorus; A Note In My Drawer - slightly more thoughtful with some nice wa guitar and ‘la la la’ singing; The Time Was Wrong - good multi-part harmony psychedelic ballad - gorgeous phasing and wild acid guitar solo; Children of Tomorrow - Great spacey vocal stuff.

It’s a Toe Rag production, so you know what to expect, although I did have to adjust my bass control up from the minus 5 I usually leave it at.

If you want a copy then send £4.50 to 45 CHARLES CRESCENT, CHERITON, FOLKESTONE, KENT CT19 4NG, UNITED KINGDOM with your address or e-mail them at embrooks@ntlworld.com .

Film review: Saw Scooby Doo last night. Some nice effects and very true to the style of the cartoon, but overuses certain kinds of special effects and didn’t have enough comedy for Rowan Atkinson, so that it kind of comes across as a poor man’s ‘Spy Kids’.

The best things about it are the guy that plays Shaggy - who is very faithful to the original, and the use of crazy hippy kid jive talking - like, yeah.

Quote: Bobby Ball (of comedy duo Cannon and Ball) said “If you can keep your head whilst all round are losing it, and being a load of face-aches, You’ll be a man my son, and what’s more, you’ll make exceedingly good cakes. (Kipling)”

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Txt msg joke: turn on ur radio, Tony Blair has died!………..Carlsberg don't send text messages but if they did they'd probably send the best text messages in the world

Web site tip: My mate Tony Reeve offers you some free cartoons like the ones he does for Private Eye. Catch us the first Friday of the month in Forbidden Planet at 12:30 (usually !) before we go and review the new DVD releases http://freespace.virgin.net/reevietone.news

Broken amps: Mike Cross Aylesbury 01296 486623 Only man I've met with nostalgia for that golden 'transistor' age in the seventies, where they were built to last, and it's easier to replace the broken component without needing a new circuit board.

Record your own music: The legendary Sexton Ming is making some room at home and is selling his 8-track quarter inch machine and mixing deck. He's looking for £350 o.n.o. and if you're interested please contact him via e_guru@hotmail.com.

Club: Thursday (18th) at the Lunar Lounge, downstairs @ The Embassy Bar 119 Essex Road Islington London N1 2SN Tel: (020) 7226 9849 (Tube - Highbury or Angel Train - Essex Road). A chilled subterranean mid-weeker of sofas and Lunar Lounge DJs. Tickets : FREE

Buy: Eis Stern Premium Quality Chocolate Ice Cream (1 litre) - LIDL - 99p Forget Ben & Jerry and Haagen Daas, and get your chocolate ice cream fix from the German Ice Meisters.

Film news: I hear Michael Caine plays Austin Power's Dad in the new 'Goldmember' film. Cool.

Destined to repeat history: "Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervour, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword.

It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry.

Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so.

How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar." - - Julius Caesar
Ouch...and Caesar could string a sentence together...!

Holiday idea: Phaze is Hammond pop groove with beautiful Fay Hallam and her beautiful voice. Phaze's next gig is on Sunday the 4th August 2002 at the Euro Ye Ye 60's Mod Rally in Gijon, Spain. For more details visit The New Untouchables at http://www.newuntouchables.com.

Hero of the week: I met legendary Hammer Horror actress Barbara Shelly the other day (more info. on her at http://www.hammerfan.com/). She was in 'Danger Man', 'Quatermass and the Pit', 'Village of the Damned', 'Man In A Suitcase', 'The Avengers', 'Doctor Who', 'Blakes 7' and 'Man From UNCLE'.

She's an excellent person, a Buddhist and a vegetarian, with some wild ideas on synchronicity.

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Email parsley@gardenrecords.com

ARTROCKER can be found at 3A Highbury Crescent London N5 1RN.
Contact them by emailing info@artrocker.com | www.artrocker.co.uk