HORATIO THE HEDGEHOG

HORATIO THE HEDGEHOG

     Before the Roman came to Rye
     Or out to Severn strode
The rolling English drunkard made the rolling English road
     A reeling road a rolling road that rambles round the shire
And after him the parson ran the sexton and the squire
     A merry road a mazy road and such as we do tread
When looking for buildings to abseil down instead of Beachy Head

HORATIO was a hedgehog, a hedgehog bold was he
He'd get on a bus without any fuss and visit his friends for tea
He'd roam around the countryside with a spirit brave and free
And should evil befall, he'd curl into a ball, and whistle the Robert E Lee

He went to a party in Sidcup on the roof of a building high
It was Marlowe Tower, and hour after hour he danced the evening by
Then suddenly there were cries and screams and a scurrying to and fro
And he was chilled to the snout by that dreaded shout "There's fire down below!"

Now the building was being re-furbished, and they'd disconnected the phone
And every one there was in despair, for they knew they were all alone
The lift and the stairs were both on fire, the flames were all around
They couldn't stay put and they couldn't go up and they couldn't get down to the ground

The flames were about to engulf them, they couldn't keep them in check
Their only hope was a coil of rope attached to the disco deck
But everyone there was too frightened to climb down and call the brigade
For the rope was worn and tattered and torn and battered and cracked and frayed

But - the hedgehog stood on the burning deck whence all but he had fled
He instinctively knew what he had to do and he faced the crowd and said
Though the rope may break it's a chance I'll take, for a hedgehog must roam free
O who will get to the parapet and let out the rope for me?

Up spake two brave accountants, stepping forward from the ranks
We'll help you, O Horatio, for this relief much thanks!
Then he took a drink to steady his nerve, and his head and his lip and his knee
His only fault was a milk and malt, and he drank it down in three

He clambered over the parapet, that hedgehog brave and true
They let the rope out and they watched his snout 'til it disappeared from view
The smoke and the shadows had swallowed him up, and the women began to weep
To the pavement lights from those dizzy heights, 'tis thirty fathoms deep

The lives of all were in his paws, as everyone there knew
Yet they could not tell whether all was well or the rope had snapped in two
Then a faint high-pitched sound drifted up to their ears -what else but a scream could it be?
Then they all started cheering, for what they were hearing was him whistling the Robert E Lee!

He carried on whistling all the way down, until he got to the ground
Then set off at a rate on a roller-skate that he noticed lying around
He got to a phone and he called the brigade and they put out the fire straight away
And still it is told how a hedgehog bold, Horatio, saved the day

Ever since then, to record that feat, and to see it is never forgot
The local retailers still sponsor abseilers to go from the very same spot
And so once a year, near the first day of May, men and women of Kent
Gather together, whatever the weather, to re-enact that famous descent

But what of Horatio? His hat and his pipe no longer hang up by the door
He does not go roaming by day or by night, he cannot go out any more
He cannot remember the places he's seen, not even that rope he climbed down
Yet still he recalls - though he does not know why - that once he was talk of the town

He lives now in a hospice, bright and cheerful as can be
His only fault is a little malt that he still has with his tea
He does not know who the nurses are, nor his children who visit him there
But he's comfortable and he's happy, for he does know that they care

He falls asleep like all the rest when they turn out the light
But sometimes he starts whistling in the middle of the night
He's fidgeting and sweating, and he calls out for his friends
And the nurse comes round and holds his paw until the nightmare ends

The days are calm and peaceful, there isn't much to do
They sit him by the window, for he likes to see the view
While he goes no more a-roaming around the countryside
He loves to watch the children playing in the park outside

For life is for the living, so live it to the full,
And do not laze around at home a-gathering moss and wool
Roam around the world by day, and dance and sing by night
And when adventure happens by, jump on and hold on tight!

Follow every rainbow, stand up for every cause
And should life start to slip away, grab hold with all four paws!

So rise up, all you hedgehogs, and go to Innisfree
Or Portland Bill or Harold Hill or even Leigh-on-Sea
The whole world loves a hedgehog, so no matter where you roam
Know the whole world is your playground, your garden and your home

     Though he seems to watch them blankly, be it clearly understood
He knows he'd go and join the children playing if he could
     He'd be swinging on the swings with them, and sliding down the slide
Though he goes no more a-roaming, we may still declare with pride:
     He's still the same young hedgehog, his spirit still is free,
     Horatio is a hedgehog
     A hedgehog bold is he

BARRY PRESS

poems about hedgehogs