© 1992

Printed at the Barry Press, Llandudno

Set in New York 18-point extended

In the sleepy snaily sluggy snuggy snugly-snoozy of the yawning dawning, something stirred.

Stirring staring shifting shuffling sniffing snuffling in the dewy huey gooey of the early earth was Hughy Hedgehog.

Purry furry bleary blurry by the farmer's fire lay Captain Cat.

Fat Captain Cat who never caught a rat, but what of that?

Fat Captain Cat dreaming that he is sleek slim cool Captain Cat, the coolest cat that ever growled, stalking rather than walking on his pre-prandial prowl down the primrose path of life and love, fresh from a night on the tiles, not the scrubbed shiny tiles of the kitchen floor, but the soaring sloping tiles of the city tenements, strolling the tip-top roof-tops, eyes bright, patrolling, eyes alight, on guard eyes-right, light on his feet at night.

"Wake Up!" said the farmer's wife as she passed by his cosy comfy blankety basket, and cool Captain Cat became fat foolish flabby Captain Cat once more, flopping onto the floor.
"Be outside with you!" said the farmer's wife, and off he went, out into the garden, half-asleep half-awake, wandering through the flower-beds towards Dylan and Thomas, the two rabbits in their cages, Thomas the good thoughtful philosophical rabbit nibbling at his lettuce, and Dylan the wild wiry wayward rabbit, father of hundreds and lover of none.

"I should like to be like Dylan" thought fat Captain Cat as he waddled round the flowers and the vegetables looking for the saucer of milk hidden daily by the farmer's wife so that he should have a little exercise at least.

In the hedge, hungry Hughy Hedgehog was busy bustling looking rustling in the glistening leaves listening smelling - and saw a shiny white stone slanting up towards him.

Peering over the edge of the stone with his nose and his paws he saw a pool of cool white liquid rippling as the stone shook as he moved and drank it down cold but like the milk his mother gave him when he was young.

Suddenly Captain Cat saw Hughy by the hedge, trespassing in the garden that was his, leaning over the saucer that was his, drinking down the milk that was his, his, his.

"Hiss hiss hiss" went Captain Cat as he circled warily around.

"This hedge isn't big enough for both of us, stranger" thought Captain Cat.

"This is one dude who'd better be on the noon stage" thought Captain Cat.

"Make my day" thought Captain Cat.

The bugs and insects all scuttled and scurried away to safety.

The worms popped their heads quickly out of their holes, and as quickly popped them back in.

Dylan began to sing.

Captain Cat sprang, swift and silent, and with a swipe of his paw struck at Hughy's nose.

Swifter still Hughy tucked that nose into his stomach and all Captain Cat hit was a spiny spiky ball, rolling harmlesly off and rolling mockingly back to nestle next to the saucer again.

Again and again with his nose and his paws Captain Cat frantically and furiously pushed Hughy away, but all he got for his pains was pain, a searing scratching stabbing stinging pain that made him shriek with anger then fear then terror until he ran away still shrieking into the kitchen.

"My my" said the farmer's wife. "I've never seen you move so fast. What are those scratches all over you? And whyever is Dylan making that awful noise?"

She cleaned the blood from his face and his paws. Then she picked him up and carried him to the hedge so that she could see the terrible thing that had done this to him and had frightened him so much.

But all she saw was Hughy Hedgehog, drinking once more from Captain Cat's saucer.

"O villain, vile and vicious," thought Captain Cat, "tremble, for your doom is upon you! The milk of human kindness is not to be stolen by the likes of you."

But the farmer's wife thought differently, and told Captain Cat not to be so foolish, and from that day forward, she left two saucers of milk under the hedge, a large saucer for Captain Cat and a small saucer for Hughy Hedgehog.

And everyone lived happily ever after, under the milk hedge