© 1994

Printed at the Barry Press, Llandudno

Set in New York 18-point extended

Once upon a time, in a land far far away (but not as far far away as New Zealand), there lived a beautiful princess named Zoë, of the house of David.

And lo, the time of her bat-chayil drew nigh, and admirers from all over the land went forth, each man with his household, bearing strange and curious gifts.

And her cousin Barry, son of Benjamin, saw in a dream that he should bring her something beginning with Z.

And he sought counsel from all the wise people of the land, and also her parents, as to what he should bring her.

First he went to the Zoo, and they recommended a Zebra, for her to keep in the garden. But her parents weren't sure she would look after it.

So he suggested a Ziggurat instead, even a small one, twelve cubits by twelve cubits by twelve cubits.

"It could go in the garden," he said, "and you could sit on it in the summer.

And Ziggurats don't need foundations, so it wouldn't need planning permission."

But, her parents pointed out, "It might make a very nice wedding-present; but, for a bat-chayil present, isn't it a bit ..... Babylonian?"

He consulted the rabbi, who started by saying, "Of course, Z is best in the middle of a word, like mitzvah." Then he recommended the books of Zephaniah and Zechariah, with commentary.

"Mazel," said Barry.

He consulted a Zoroastrian, who suggested a Zodiac or a Zephyr. But she couldn't drive.

And a Zwinglian from Zurich, who suggested a Zeppelin. But she couldn't fly.

He consulted a friend of his, also called Zoë, who worked in the Little Garden Shop, which sold unusual plants.

She was by a heliotrope reading the Sun. He asked her about Zinnias, but she told him they wouldn't last very long.

"Someone once bought me a Zoëtrope," she said. "Oh, how do you find it?" asked Barry.

"I don't," she said. "It finds me."

He consulted Zalman, a Zionist from the Zuider Zee, who suggested anything by Zandra Rhodes with a Zip.

He consulted Zsa-Zsa and Zelig from Zabrze, who suggested a thousand Zlotys.

He even consulted Zeppo from Aleppo, just because he was there, although no-one could ever understand why.

He consulted Zale's, the jewellers, who suggested a ring made of Zirconium, set with Zeolites.

He consulted Zeiss, the instrument-makers, who suggested a Zenith telescope or a Zoom.

He consulted Zwemmer's, the booksellers, who suggested the complete works of Émile Zola. But they were very long, and all in French.

Finally, he consulted a Zen monk, who was maintaining a motorcycle.

"Where have you tried?" asked the monk.

"Everywhere," said Barry.

"Hither?" asked the monk.

"Yes," said Barry.

"Thither?" asked the monk.

"Yes," said Barry.

"Zinc laterally," said the monk.

And so it came to pass that her cousin Barry went forth and brought her a Zither.

Her parents were quite relieved, that it didn't need feeding.

"On the other hand," said her Dad, "he hasn't exactly been to the end of the kingdom for it, has he?"

"No," said her Mum. "But at least he's been ..... to the end of the alphabet."

"Cool," said Florence.

"Like, Zero," said Dylan.

"She could play one of your songs on her Zither," said Florence.

"Like, why?" said Dylan.

"Well, your real name is Zimmerman, isn't it?" she said.

"Oh, yeah," said Dylan, sleepily.

"It's been a long day," said Zebidee. "Time for bed."