Azeris follow Azzurri
Wales 4 Azerbaijan 0
Watching Wales gets weirder and
weirder.
Four years ago, almost to the day, this fan watched the under-21s
in Winterthur, Switzerland, go down 1-0. In that side a Premiership
player sauntered up to take two corner kicks about one yard in
front of where we stood.
The first one fizzed fecklessly into the side netting. Not even
a hint of exasperation from our Premiership star. Several minutes
later the second corner did likewise. The player seemed unconcerned
and sauntered nonchalantly back to the half-way line. Not for
the first time at a Wales game, I felt like jumping on the pitch
and kicking the culprit up the backside for an obvious lack of
commitment. Even now, all watching are still due a written apology.
Who was that player? None other than John Oster. Who was that
player who shone like a diamond against Azerbaijan? Mr Oster again.
Or was it? Has the guy got a double who's been beamed down from
planet Zog to replace the life support machine for a football
kit we watched with disbelief in Switzerland.
Wonders never cease. When we heard he was playing, we gulped.
And then he turned on a marvellous display. Platini-esque cross-field
balls, full of running, popping up here, there and everywhere
when you least expected it. A goal would be the least he deserved
and he's risen up the cluttered midfield pecking order, ahead
of a couple of West Brom players, for sure.
For the only time in international football history, a Grimsby
Town player was man of the match. It doesn't get weirder than
that.
And if that wasn't surreal enough, we finally saw a home game
on a Saturday for the first time in 18 months. No rush to get
home and a leisurely preamble to a game in the sunshine, followed
by at least eight more hours in the pub.
They even gave us a goal after 13 seconds. Don't tell me Bellamy
had anything to do with it - it was the dumbest own goal this
fan's seen for at least 15 years. It also sparked brief fantasies
of a 9-0 win. It has to be said the Azeris were truly useless
- the worst team to play us since San Marino.
And thank God for the Serbian state of emergency. OK, it's left
many fans out of pocket.
But there's absolutely no way we could have fancied our chances
over there with the full-backs who ended the Azeri match. Surely
Paul Trollope and Rob Edwards would have been badly exposed?
On the one hand, it was good to see Trollope get a run-out. One
of the abiding memories of the Baku boreathon was seeing him come
on to the pitch in the last minute. He was like a dog with two,
er, bones - brimming with energy, clearly chuffed to bits that
he was on the pitch to win a rare cap. Just reward for enduring
a long trip while dozens of others stayed at home to nurse their
bunions.
Seven seconds later the ref blew for full-time, which must have
been a bit of sickener for Trollope. This fan remembers thinking:
"Blimey, I could have done that for seven seconds - the FAW
should raffle the chance to do it to the fans. They'd make millions
(of Azeri zonks)."
But on the other hand Trollope's second-half display can be best
described as ropey in the extreme. The ref missed a handball in
the box which was surely a penalty. He deserved his run-out but
here's one fan who hopes his future appearances are not at left
back.
That's the only gripe about the game. Why can't all the games
be like this? Cardiff was busier than the road to Basra, everyone
was lovely and match day is like winning the lottery every time
even if expectations are getting sky-high and the pre-match announcements
border on the boastfully arrogant.
It's bound to start going wrong soon!
Fan of the day: There were no contenders until 1.30am when
in the gloom of Wyndham Arcade, travel guru Leigh James, keen
to continue surfing a tsunami wave of ecstasy and shock at seeing
Giggs hit a barn door. He started bemoaning the fact he couldn't
get in to Kiwi's. Having just exited, we knew the bouncers were
doing him a big favour.
But that's by the by, Leigh scoops the dubious honour for the
dubious reason that this was his last home game before he goes
to live at the north pole in an igloo. Well somewhere close to
the north pole. That's what following Wales does for you. Watch
out all you polar bears!
Best moment: The Giggs goal. At bloody last. A seismic
shock after missing more barn doors than at a Bethesda twmpath.
As his pregnant partner can confirm, he's no longer firing blanks
and he finally banished the dark cloud hanging over him since
he torpedoed the 2002 World Cup campaign with his incredible miss
against Poland.
And not often you'll see a Man U great have one set up for him
by a loan midfielder at Walsall (well done Carl).
Worst moment: No change here. Thirteen seconds to get a
goal. Three minutes and 13 seconds before the bloke with an inferiority
complex started up "Are you watching Enger-lund." After
switching his brain off, he let the loathsome lyrics erupt from
the bile in his belly, travel up his gullet and trip off his tongue
to shamefully reverberate round the stadium.
If you don't know why this is moronic in the extreme, look up
the Italy report, cos quite frankly this site is fed up of repeating
itself. And anyway, ranting gets boring after a while. For the
Finland game, we've hired a hitman to hunt the culprit down.
Fashion plea: The snappers behind the goal all wore luminous
pink bibs bearing the Kappa logo. Your correspondent would like
to buy several. As a resident of Brighton, there's absolutely
no doubt that the preening Sussex glitterati would pay good money
for these.
Besides, we need to fund utterly pointless trips to countries
run by thieving, gun-toting psychopaths (ie, we're struggling
to pay for the San Jose trip - can you still get a thruppeny bit
back for returning Tizer bottles to newsagents?). Email your bib
offer to the address below.
adecolley@hotmail.com