EDDIE MAY OUSTED AS JIMMY CASE AND BRYAN ROBSON SIGN FOR CARDIFF IN EARLY HOURS DRAMA!
I recently spent a week in bed
ill and the only relief from the pain and the delirium was a computer
game called "Football Manager". You are the manager,
you pick the team, buy the players then you sit back and watch
them lose. A bit like Eddie May really, except he's called the
Coach, of course.
I quickly ousted Eddie May from the hot seat. He was only keeping
it warm for me, and set about the job of taking City from the
bottom of the League to the top. One of the good things about
Football manager is that it lists the real players. Yes, Pikey,
Gibbins, Blakey, Cohen, they were all there. They stormed to an
opening day's 3-0 defeat at Northampton.
The players have a rating of between I and 9 on all aspects of
their abilities. Most of the City players' ratings were pathetic
twos and threes wilh a very unhealthy dose of ones. It was a shame
but they had to go if City were to get anywhere.
To add to all this realism I put in a speculative bid for Carl
Dale only to be met with the dreaded response "Carl Dale
is not interested in joining your team." Well, sod him then.
I was also peeved to find out that Notts county were asking £935,000
for Kevin Bartlett - cheeky buggers.
I mimicked the tactics of Len Ashurst. I sold freely to avoid
a cash crisis and brought in players of no fixed ability for pitiful
sums. TheCity roared lo 24th in the table, were knocked out of
all the cups in the 1st rounds (In the FA Cup by non-league Welling
-at Ninian Park, shee!) and reduced league attendances to crisis
level. I was sacked.
Like Len, I returned, promising the 'midas touch' to an imaginary
press conference. Some shrewd transfer work built up a sizeable
stash at the bank and there were deals that brought the likes
of Jimmy Case and Bryan Robson, no less, to the club. We flew
to promotion, pausing only to take the Autoglass Trophy and the
F.A. Cup. A unique treble.
A this stage the computer was losing its grip on reality as Arsenal
were relegated to the Second Division and Everton to the Third.
However, Blackburn were League Champions.
Flushed with success my softer side emerged, I brought back Nathan
Blake for old times sake and even bought Ken De Mange. He scored
some important goals from midfield. And we appreciated those goals
but a £500,00 bid from Plymouth saw Ken pack his bags.
I was on the verge of a play-off place lo the First Division when
I noticed that it was 4.30am. I had also develloped a habit of
cheering loudly at victory and swearing at defeat.
To heighten the reality I had
taken to supplying my own crowd noises.
With the sound of parents and neighbours alike beating on the
walls and calling for quiet,I accepted the Manager of the Month
Award and retired to bed.