
It all started so well. Was it an omen?
The clerk at Sarajevo's Lion Hostel (Grrrrrrr!) asked: "English?"
"No, Welsh!"
He'd heard of us!
"Wales? Jimmyfloydhasselbaink! Very good game against Coventry."
Blimey, how does Dutchman Jimmy feel about being identified with
our wonderful country just because he plays for Cardiff? It was
a suitably surreal start to Sarajevo - a trip made by
about 15 Welsh fans for reasons I shall try to explain in a few
moments. But it'll still be hard to erode your scepticism. Yes
some of us are clinically insane.
But have you been to Luxembourg? If so, why did you bother going
a second time?
I first came to Bosnia in 1996, as a reporter, to cover the United
Nations' peace-keeping activities for the Brighton daily paper.
The country is gorgeously, stunningly beautiful - the mountains
were topped by a rich blue sky that sparkles like champagne.
Alongside the beauty, there was the haunting horror show. Towns
and villages were littered with mines
there were hundreds of dead pigs in the streets (the last thing
Serbs fleeing their homes would do before abandoning their homes
would be to shoot their pet pigs) and many houses were literally
blown to bits if their owners happened to be from the wrong side
of the ethnic divide.
Serbian churches were booby trapped and the British troops we
stayed with were housed - symbolically perhaps - in an abbatoir.
We were trying to think of more beautiful cities where we'd seen
Wales get hammered and could not think of one more beautiful than
Sarajevo. Fringed by mountains on all sides it is now 87% ethnically
Muslim and, superficially at least, appears to be thriving. Its
mountains are covered in a talc-thin layer of
snow. The narrow river literally roars through the centre with
the melting winter snow -the water an unnatural colour - clay,
like a cup of tea. Sarajevo's river is tea!
But again the beauty belies its bloody past as the origin of World
War One and the scene of recent ethnic warfare. Cemeteries dot
the city, stark white memorials sprout like toadstools from
the ground to mark the graves of young people. Just two hundred
yards from the stadium is a huge graveyard and the sight of memorials
to children killed in the war of just 14 years ago was a shock.
On arrival in Bosnia, it occurred to us that this is probably
the best Wales under-21 team ever. The concept of a good under-21
side from Wales is difficult to understand.
So it might not be saying much, but is undeniably true having
on and off witnessed their matches since 1991 in Kortrijk, Belgium,
when the local coppers' idea of a warm welcome was to frogmarch
every Welsh fan down to the copshop to have their mugshot taken.
Everyone except me. They took one look at my mush and decided
not to risk an expensive lens. I took against Belgium from that
moment on and have heartily enjoyed every defeat they have suffered
since.
Recent history has left some of us talking about them. And going
to games. Look at the facts - they've hardly ever been in with
a shout of qualifying for anything and here we are deservedly
leading group 10. You can't argue with a 4-2 win over the Frogs
can you? Or beating Sweden 4-3 after being 3-1 down in a friendly.
Win the group, or finish as one of the best runners-up, and there's
a play-off in October and who knows,
we could be heading for Sweden in June next year - some 50 years
after our last famous outing in Scandinavia when we would have
won the 1958 World Cup if John Charles had been playing against
Brazil in the quarter-final. You know it's true. We should have
won that World Cup.
Of course any true Welsh fan will realise that at some point something
will screw the whole thing up. My money's on Sweden declaring
war on Denmark.
They bloody hate each other and it's been coming for years. You
read it here first - 2009 will be scrapped due to the outbreak
of World War 3. In Scandinavia.
Our reasons for going:
Pompey fan Roland: "I've been to Luxembourg and I like the
Balkans. I particularly like the kebabs here."
Sheffield United fan Alan: "I like going to competitive games
and this one is more important than the Luxembourg match."
Wrexham fan Stu (who changed his mind twice and then flew out
on the day of the game - top effort): "I didn't want you
fuckers to have all the fun. Oh yeah, and having been to Malta
and the game in Grenoble I've followed them closely."
Me: I'd just finished working in Ukraine and needed a break. Yes,
Ukraine. It's on the moon. I was teaching the Clangers to speak
English there. Their enunciation has improved but that Soup Dragon's
a dead loss.
One fan was out in Sarajevo for health reasons - he was recuperating
from a heart attack suffered two weeks ago.
With five minutes to go the stewards guarding the 12 fans in the
away end must have wondered why these people had come all that
way - we must have looked like a bunch of donkeys with stomach
ache. Yeah, I know - you (and the Belgian police) already thought
that anyway.
There was almost no match report to speak of until a frankly freakish
last five minutes which left you feeling like you'd been mugged
- only these muggers had actually given you some cash instead
of robbing you. Let's just say that even pleasant suprises can
shake you up violently. Views differ but this fan
reckons the result was a travesty. A welcome travesty. The game
was a stinker salvaged by two Welsh goals bestowed by a heavenly
thunderbolt.
The first half was like the Ghosts of Under-21 games Past and
I found myself bird-watching. Could that be a hawk high up in
floodlights or was it a crow? The first shot on goal came from
Bosnia after 33 minutes and flew 25 yards wide. Half time was
a welcome wake-up because we could all moan about how cold it
was getting and why couldn't we get a bloody programme.
It seemed to be depressingly familiar. In the 53rd minute Bubucar
Dialiba of Sarajevo side Zeljeznicar caught the central defenders
on the hop and was able to shoot home past Owain Fon Williams
(any relation to the composer?) with a 20-yarder. That was when
we questioned our sanity.
Twelve minutes later the home coach, no doubt snorting: "That
Gunter might be a Premiership full back for Spurs but he doesn't
look much cop to me", substituted his goalscorer in what
has to one of the dumbest replacements in the history of world
football.
Virtually nothing else of note happened - Stu remarked: "It's
just like watching Wrexham" - until the last ten minutes
when, first, Yeovil's Simon Church missed from a sharp angle and
then Walsall's Mark Bradley hit the keeper with the goal gaping.
In the 86th minute Joe Jacobson skipped down the left past
two players into the penalty box and slipped the ball to substitute
Church (any relation to Charlotte?) whose first touch swept it
into the net. This was a goal from nowhere and, having crossed
Europe it was a welcome gift.
Seconds later, Church deftly controlled a ball into the box, slipped
a short lateral pass to Ched Evans. Ched of Heaven - feed
him and he will score.
Evans swivelled to his right to beat his marker and calmly slotted
the ball in from about eight yards. I'd like to say we all went
as mad as slavering wolves pursuing a moose and howled our heads
off.
But, as it's the under-21s, it's hard to feel comfortable about
going absolutely crazy. You invest less emotional energy in the
outcome and so you're not at fever pitch level like you were in,
say, Moscow where I left my teeth marks in the seat and the match
seems like a personal psychodrama which I'm still recovering from.
So, ... we were mildly chuffed.
The players were ecstatic. They knew they didn't deserve it. And
now, statistically, Evans ranks as the greatest player ever to
play for the under-21 team.
He's scored 9 goals in 7 games. Will this one prove to be the
most important in Welsh under-21 history?
The whistle came after three minutes of add-on time and we could
have gone 3-1 up by the end (would that have been a double travesty?).
The abiding memory was of the Bosnian centre-half lying on the
centre circle, clearly astonished that his side had lost a game
in which he was probably the best player. You felt for him.
But you also felt for this Wales team too. They played with heart,
occasional swagger and a confidence that, believe me, no other
under-21 side in recent history has ever come near. Some players
from the past have looked as though they were in detention after
school.
You could even argue that this side is blessed. They've pulled
off several wins against the odds and they clearly never give
up. Afterwards it was difficult to pick out a single player who
stood out.
Cardiff's Aaron Ramsey looks like he could be felled by a falling
snowflake but has Hoddle-esque passing vision and was rarely bullied
off the ball. Swansea's Shaun MacDonald was full of beans and
never stopped running but the key performance was the 20 minutes
from Church, brought on for Sam Vokes, whose willingness to shoot
and move created the equaliser and his touch set up an implausible
winner. So hats off to Brian Flynn for throwing him on.
It's official - the Greatest Ever Under-21 team. But there's still
plenty of time for them to muck it all up.
The BBC website had some top typos to take the piss out of. Many
thanks for that, I might start avoiding the TV detector Gestapo
and start paying the licence fee if they can promise more giggles.
Apparently our Bournemouth centre forward is Sam Voles - a big
improvement I would have thought, change your name Sam, I dig
it. It rhymes with goals - journalists all over the UK will have
lots of fun with it and you'll be remembered for the rest of your
life.
And we apparently last qualified for a tournament in 1858. Well
it bloody well seems like it doesn't it? Oh and if any Beeb types
are reading, I need some freelance journalist work because I'm
fed up of teaching Clangers and there would appear to be a vacancy
so get in touch. Look, I know it's only a keying-in error but
Eighteenfuckingfiftyeight? JesusfuckingbastardChrist!
Wales under-21 play England at Wrexham on May 15 in a friendly.
The team's next Most Important Game Ever is against Romania at
home on August 20. A win means qualification for the two-game
play off.
Don't hold your breath but you if you go you might just witness
history. And if we qualify then maybe Jimmyfloydhasselbaink really
is a Welshman.
Cadwch y ffydd.