I love drinking I do
Norway 2 Wales 0
Boozing. What other glorious pastime but drinking offers the chance to go to the pub, rub your hands together and ask: "Barman, a pint of your very finest arse."
We didn't get a punch in the mush, a sharp retort or a basilisk stare and we were indeed served up with a foaming pints of very finest arse after the under-21 game in Drammen. Father Jack should move out here.
Well, make that a pint of 'Aass'. One of the big employers in this picturesque dormitory town is the local brewery Aass Bryggeri. Its beer tastes like any other lager - bland, drinkable and with a hint of sulphur that suggests it might hurt your insides more than you would like.
You'd think they'd change the name, mind. Take an 'r' out of 'Aass Bryggeri' and you have a very painful experience.
And it was painful experience number 24 (or something like that) for the under-21s who must be close to notching up one of the worst records in international football. Wins might be rarer than a League of Wales goal on the BBC but I swear the record is not deserved.
Having watched three away games - in Yerevan, Kiev and Drammen - the lads have been a bit unlucky, though not on this occasion.
We might have been robbed in Kiev but Norway deserved this win in the sleepy Marienlyst Stadion which usually hosts club side Stromsgodset.
Their first goal was the usual defensive dilly-dally. Turning round after putting up our flags we saw the ball trickle over the line very slowly and keeper David Walsh slumping on it and all the Welsh players looking amazed at how stupid a goal it was - the usual Welsh defence fiasco no doubt.
The second involved a nice bit of midfield/attack interplay too complicated to go into. Despite being 2-0 down the lads then played with a bit of heart and managed to clear the clouds of disappointment raining in my mind, banishing the memory of the Armenia performance - quite a feat.
There was plenty of neat football from us but no penetration - this side don't believe in taking any risk that might end in losing the ball and the results suffer for it.
About 1,400 attended but very few watched the game - 90% of the locals were kids busy having spitting competitions and looking bewildered. It got so dull we were reduced to reading the perimeter advertising and discovering things like arse beer.
Bizarrely enough, watching the under-21s abroad this year has been a highly enjoyable as a day out - just about everyone in Abovyan, Armenia, will remember the occasion as a touching, even moving, experience. Not for the match, but for the welcome. For this fan it was the highlight of the entire 2002 campaign.
But that losing streak must go - it's the obvious angle for every match report. This might sound ridiculous but on behalf of the 50 or so pot-bellied 30something types who turn up for these games, I thank the players for their efforts. It's easy to slag coach Jimmy Shoulder, as has happened, and maybe he should have got more out of the players than he has. He should have picked Leon Jeanne more often.
Honestly, they're a lot better than the motley crew of 1998/99. So get your Aasses in gear and get behind them for the Portugal 2004 campaign.
Highlight:
The final whistle.
Lowlight:
It went off big time.
Treorchy's finest, Wayne John, claims he and three other sturdy
butties were attacked by a Chinese midget at 4am outside 7-11
in Oslo. The midget whacked him on the knee before being thrown
across the road by one of our fearless quartet who were then interviewed
by police who took no further action. Look, I'm just passing the
story on - I'm not saying it's credible.
Fan of the day:
"He was lost and has been found." (Luke 15:32). Prodigal
Son Mark Ainsbury has returned to the fold after two years snubbing
the Greatest Fans in the World. Been busy doing the grouting in
his bathroom apparently.
He returned in good voice and great humour - he even turned the other cheek (Matthew 5:39) when a scrotey Norwegian stripling spat on him from full 20 yards away the stand. Because the game was so boring we spent some time marvelling at this great expectoration.
Best player:
Ian Hillier of Spurs had a cracker at right back. One for the
future etc etc.
adecolley@hotmail.com