You are familiar, of course, with those dreary surveys that appear in the tabloid newspapers from time to time that invite you to rate yourself as a sex crazed love bucket. In fact all they are asking you to do is fantasise about the topless model illustrating the feature. Why can't they do a survey about something important ? To immediately rectify this matter 'Bobbing Along' presents "How Do You Rate As A City Fan." In a philisophically and scientifically bogus test your knowledge and emotional response to the Bluebirds will be assessed and evaluated. Rest assured, there will be no questions that begin, "Your partner has been invited to a party but you'd rather stay home and make love........"
1. Which of these major trophies have Cardiff City won?
a.The FA Cup maybe
b.The FA Cup probably
c.The FA Cup definitely
2. The Welsh Cup was....? a.An important and historic competition
b.A convenient and scarecly mereited passport into Europe
c.A useful opportunity for City to be embarrassed at the hands of some non-league outfit from up the valleys somewhere
3. How many times have City won the Welsh Cup?
a.Once
b.Can't remember but Wrexham have won it more
c.More than Swansea and that's all that matters in my book
4. How many times have you travelled into Europe with City?
a.No, it wasn't me
b.Yes, it was me
c.I should co-co
5. When Eddie May was quoted in 1992 as saying, "I hope to get something out of Europe this year." What do you think he meant?
a.That he hoped to get a win
b.That he hoped to get at least a draw
c.That he hoped to get with a carton of 4,000 fags and a consignment of asylum seekers
6. When Toshack led Swansea to Division One he should have been.....
a.Applauded, it was a magnificent achievement
b.Slagged-off, anyone could have done it with Liverpool's reserves
c.Banned from entering Cardiff
7. What was your reaction when Swansea were subsequently relegated back to the 3rd Division in consequetive seasons?
a.Laughed
b.Laughed loudly as you posted off a congratulatory telegram to Toshack
c.Laughed like a drain until you were almost sick
8. When you talk about Buchanan's eqaliser against Swansea in 1980 you are
a.Exaggerating, but it was still a cracking goal
b.Lying, I wasn't there. I was watching Maesteg RFC at the time.
c.Normally on the verge of tears, it had the emotional impact of the Mona Lisa
9. John Buchanan was ....?
a.A master of the deadball situation
b.A tenacious midfield dynamo
c.A Scottish loony
10. The best ever City player in your opinion was
a.Phil Dwyer, nobody can touch his appearance record
b.Phil Stant, capable of beating the Jacks on his own
c.Some mythical figure from the 1920s who can be bullshitted about endlessly without fear of contradiction
11. The Worst City player in your opinion was
a.Any of the current shower
b.Derek Showers
d.Too many to list
12. What was you reaction when City were relegated to Division 3 last season
a.Took it calmly, it was no more than they deserved
b.Looked on the bright side as you weren't going to Ninian Park again
c.Issued a number of death threats against players and officials and ended up being told off by the police
d.Died
e.Invoked voodoo in an effort to make Football League officials reinstate City in Division 2. (Again told off by the police.)
f.Wept in the arms of a loved one. Which was alright really as you ended up having sex.
g.Didn't notice
13. What was your reaction when they were promoted in 1999?
a.Went mad
b.Didn't notice
c.Elation tempered with an uncanny sense of foreboding that suddenly made sense 12 months later
14. A real Cardiff City fan should have?
a.A firm and undying devotion to the club
b.A degree in advanced mathematics in order to work out relegation probablities ( and an understanding of 'Catastrophe Theory')
c.Help
15. The only way to get a drink out of Robin Friday was to...?
a.Buy him a drink yourself
b.Offer him drugs
c.Stick your fingers down his throat
16. You greet a City victory with....
a.Pleasure
b.Surprise
c.Can't remember
d.Sweaty prickles of relief
17.You greet a City defeat with
a.Anger
b.Grim resignation
c.A knowing nod of the head
d.A tirade of vulgar and abusive language, much the same as a win, really
18. There is no question 18
19. When City appoint a new manager you think to yourself
a.This is the new beginning we're desperate for
b.Who? Oh, no! Not him!
c.I wonder what his name sounds like with 'out' after it
d.What a wonderful world
20. Cardiff City directors have...
a.A responsibilty to the club and the supporters
b.A responsibilty to the club
c.A cheek
21. When City sign a new player you....
a.Rue the day
b.Wonder how he'll react to your abuse
c.Muse on the number of City strikers who score twice on their debuts and then fail to come close to scoring ever again
22. If you read in a newspaper that Jason Bowen had hit 'the wall' from a free kick, would you assume it was
a.The defensive wall
b.The toilet wall at the Grange End
c.The river Wall at Walsall
Well, How Did You Rate?
Mostly A Click Here
Mostly B Click Here
Mostly C Click Here