They Think it's All Over!
Hot news from Kremlin Hughes in Moscow
Good news at last, just as the
Wales Euro 2004 bandwagon is about to slip through the ice and
sink to the bottom of the river to be forever trapped in the permafrost.
Monday's big press conference in Russia saw coach Valeri Gazzaev
desperately geeing up his side for Saturday's showdown.
Gazza told local telly (according to my translator): "Wales
are an excellent team and I have been telling my players how good
they are."
His side though, don't have such a high opinion of our plucky
boys. All of which is very heartening.
Firstly, to your correspondent it's quite obvious that Gazza has
not seen us play recently. Blimey, if he'd been out in San Jose
in May he would have seen us play so poorly even Barry Town might
have fancied facing us. There's no way he could say we are a good
side if he had seen any of the last five games. So he hasn't even
turned on his video and by definition that's a dereliction of
duty. He should be sacked, it's his bloody job to watch us play
isn't it?
Given Gazza thinks we're good and the players think it will be
a pushover, there's obviously a split in their camp. And that's
about our strongest sliver of hope.
As for your humble pundit's opinion well we've got no chance.
Unless we get the first goal. AND the second goal. Then maybe
we've got an outside chance.
Our boys have yet to recover to win a match from going a goal
down since God knows when. And one goal has rarely been enough
so far this campaign.
So we have to score at least twice and not when we're chasing
the game. With Simon Davies out that means the midfield have to
pull their fingers out for the first time in over a year. And
Darren Barnard has to start - he's the best crosser we've had
in years and he'll have to start banging them in to Hartson. It
might even be worth playing Barnard in midfield and keeping Speed
at left back but then you're left with the dilemma of who fills
the vacant hole left by Pembridge. Quite frankly I don't see anyone
bar Hartson, Giggs and Barnard scoring our goals. Maybe a Speed
header or Earnie on as a sub.
Bobbing Along's team:
Jones; Barnard, Melville, Gabbidon, Delaney; Speed, Savage, Giggs,
Koumas, Johnson; Hartson.
Prediction:
4-2 Russia overall - obviously I hope I'm wrong. But the performance
against Finland in Cardiff sapped my will to live and on my psychotherapist
has told me to rule out hope of qualification. I'm supporting
the Russians. On medical advice, only.
Best moment so far:
Actually it's one that hasn't happened. Friday night will be a
stress-free zone as for the first time in many years, there's
no under-21 game to think about attending.
So you've been deprived of some groundhopping and a glorious view
of a beetroot canning factory and the thought: "Well maybe
they'll only lose 9-1 instead of 9-0 if I go. What you mean you
never had that dilemma? Bloody part-timers! And there's no heart-searing,
bone-chilling, navel-numbing ineptitude to moan about. That's
lined up for Saturday.
Top tips:
Food's lovely. Not a beetroot in sight. Lovely cakes. Really lovely
cakes. Really really lovely cakes. Food prices slightly cheaper
than London. Unfortunately, it was such a good night I can't remember
the beer prices but think they're about London level.
Stay clear of the Zhiguli bar in Arbat. Saturday saw bouncers
there using cattle prods to attack a well-behaved British customer.
As for police, we were stopped once but had our passports on us
so there was no problem.
It may be that the potential threat to Welsh fans has been overstated
a little. There are plenty of areas where you can drink though
not many where you can go on a straightforward pub crawl. Best
to find a spot for a couple of hours and then pile into gypsy
cabs to another venue across town. So far the average time for
getting a gypsy cab has been half a minute - you need to stand
on a busy road mind. There are not many clusters of bars in the
same area. Best ones are scattered around town. New discovery.
Che bar is near the Rossiya and is recommended though has not
yet been probed by the website. It will be on Thursday though.
Lenin's mausoleum is shut for two months so you'll have to sing
the Red Flag at the game instead.
Brrrr it's cold:
But so far nowhere near as cold as expected. Thermals and
willy-warmers not needed though no doubt on Saturday it will be
a different. No snow in sight. Hoorah for global warming.
Kremlin Hughes