Wales v Whalers
Norway 3 Wales 2
You know a country's got no sense of humour when its officials decide to arrest your six-foot-tall inflatable whale.
OK, a pal had chucked it around
a bit when maybe he shouldn't have. It went sailing over fans'
heads all the way up to the top of the Ullevaal and thendown to
the bottom and then back up to the top and down again before a
steward grabbed it and it was dragged off and handed to the police. A bit galling
that, especially as the gateman had told me - 'Whale's OK but
you can't take your flag in.' I only got the flag in by promising
not to unfurl it - they claimed it was too big (did the Mill Stadium
stewards fly out to work here on the night?).
Worse than that though, most
of us missed Robbie Savage's goal because we were watching the
whale being cuffed and we were too busy singing: "All we
are saying is give us our whale."It's not as if we see many
goals on our travels. But to miss one because you're watching
an inflatable whale (£8.99 from a shop overlooking Goscar
Rock in Tenby) being shopped is ridiculous. Sorry about that.
This fan will not be taking any more whales to Wales games. Promise.
Locals bullying a defenceless
killer whale apart, the trip was another tremendous success. Forget
the result, the 350-strong Gwyr Harlech corpswent expecting a
defeat and that's what we got - a small dose of misery and a hapless
second-half display. This is the land, don't forget, where Edvard Munch's
famous angst-ridden painting "The Scream" originated.
Close up, it looks horribly like a Welsh fan's normal demeanour.
I thought I was looking in a mirror. But that's scarcely the point. On the
terrace was a fabulous finale for visiting fans who had another
storming match and embarrassed the near-mute whalers who barely
broke open their blowholes.
Even the Luxembourg fans made more noise ten years ago. Savage's goal
cranked up the feel-good factor. Their equaliser saw us simmer
down but Bellamy's cat-like pounce to put us ahead again set up
a first-half frenzy that never faltered. In full flight we are
a veritable swooning, swaggering symphony of serendipity. Something
like that anyway.
Bellamy's bad miss at 2-1 up turned
the match. Now we know why Coventry went down last season. Bad
misses have been so costly - Giggs, Roberts and Bellamy have all
fluffed opportunities to win matches. But to be fair - nobody
worked harder all week and you could see his disappointment at
the end of the match when he bowed his head.
The second half was enlivened
by two marvellous chants - "Stand up if you hate A-Ha"
and "I am whaling" to the tune of Rod Stewart's "Sailing"
- and one old chestnut - "We'll never qualify".
The other top ditty was the
one from many years ago, Cardiff's Boore Bros concocted a song
in Cyprus that went (to the tune of In The Army by the Village
People): "I'm from Norway, yes I am I'm from Norway, yes
I am I shovel snow all day long and sing this happy little song:
I'm from Norway yes I am" etc etc, repeated until you're
sick to death of it. It might look crap written on a website, but it
was good to see three local girls singing it to themselves after
they came out of the stadium.
Though the manner of the defeat
was another classic fiasco, it probably ranks well down the list
of classic Welsh fiascos. In the nine matches so far, I reckon
we've had four classic fiascos - Belarus, Poland and Armenia at
home and this one. Another classic fiasco looms next month, no
doubt. At
the end this fan felt extreme relief, rather than disappointment,
that the away campaign was over. I was glad it was all over and
the whalers even gave me my inflatable back.
About 50 footballholics have
visited all five away venues, covering some 12,690 miles in all.
We've seen the best performances of the campaign in Ukraine and
Poland - if only they'd played as well at home.It comes down to
this doesn't it: The team might be a monument to mediocrity but watching
Wales is the most wonderfully surreal triumph of utter faith and
celebration. A truly reckless devotion.
Highlight:
I don't usually go a bundle on meeting the players after seeing
Eric Young in Luxembourg who pretended to be French when I tried
to pay him a compliment and brushing me off by parroting: "Je
comprends pas." London wanker. But several turned up in the
Smuget bar after the game and, my, one of them was even a real
nice lad.
Carl Robinson is by far the nicest footballer I've ever met. So pleasant and un-oikish, I felt guilty for thinking he should have come off earlier in the match against Armenia . He should give David Collins PR lessons.
Kit Symons, in a dodgy gold chain a la Lee Chapman, talked of how Harrods and Fulham boss Mohammed Al Fayed dished out mugs emblazoned with Harrods on one side and Conan the Barbarian on the other. Sorry to pass that one on but that's the only thing I remember him saying - apart from him confirming they were all bamboozled by Bobby Ghoul's reign.
But there's always one isn't there?
A big admirer of Paul Jones I found myself at the bar and asked
him if he was who he was, if you see what I mean. He said: "Yeah."
and swiftly turned his back on me to carry on talking
to an admittedly pretty young lady.
Lowlight:
Who was the nincompoop who started the 'Jingle Bells, oh what
fun it is to see Wales win away' chant? This was with at least
half an hour to go. My heart sank like a harpooned whale soon
as the song was aired. They're a bit naughty, the Norwegians. Killing whales
is bad enough. Even worse, they charge at least £4.50 for
half a litre of not very nice lager.
Best player:
(through gritted teeth) Savage.
Celebrities: Coming out the woodwork they were, what with all the players turning up in the nightclubs. It was like a scene from OK! magazine. Super Furry Animal Guto was there. Manic Street Preachers manager Scott Thomas arrived wearing weirdo daps - a hybrid of fetish magazine leatherware and wellies 'embellished' with a Nike swoosh. If we tolerate that our children will be wearing them next.
Worst dressed celeb:
Nathan Blake just shaded it. According to resident French Impressionist
expert Bryn it was an abomination: "He was wearing a shirt
that looked like a Monet painting."
Fan of the day:
When we used to play footie down the street in Dinas Powys, the
best player 25 years ago was diddy Andrew Jacobs. I've seen him
about four times since. His sister's my sister's best butty. And
he turned up here for his first Wales away on a business trip
in a posh leather jacket and with a bunch of locals, having watched
the match in ponce class (ie a box). Some of us have spent £4,000 or
so on our five trips. And this guy's watching Wales on expenses
in one of the most expensive cities in the world. That's what I
call class!
adecolley@hotmail.com
Thanks to Bryn from Ynys Monet, Rob Thomas and Prestatyns
John Hughes for tips.
Fellow anti-whalers should read www.stopthewhalingnow.com <http://www.stopthewhalingnow.com>
and A-Ha fans should read www.a-ha.com <http://www.a-ha.com>