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Toledo. Torquemada's shop. A ticking of clocks.
SINGERS
You've heard them tell
From Seville to Granada
Of the old clock maker
Torquemada
And what befell
When his bachelor life
changed for the worse
He took a wife
Yes, one day (a Monday)
He thought to himself
That just like his clocks
He'd be left on the shelf
So he put a small ad.
In the local gazette
- I saw it myself
And I'll never forget:
"WANTED: a missus
A fair senorita
All love and kisses
A thrifty housekeeper:
Send vital statistics
A sample paella
Curriculum vitae
Then I'll be your fella
Now as I'm not the sort of man
To do a thing by half
Enclose a testemonial
Or recent photograph
And as I am a cautious man
I think it for the best
That you may be asked to sight read
And to take a written test
Send pedigree or family tree
A clean bill of health
And I may consent to marry you
And leave you all my wealth!"
Both Tuesday and Wednesday
Brought no reply
The neighbours all thought
It was pie in the sky
But on Thursday morning
It seemed the sun shone
Out of the convent...
CONCEPCION: Tra-la-la-la-la, etc.
...came Concepcion
They courted on Friday
(It was love at first sight)
And they were engaged
By the Saturday night
And on Sunday morning
It came to pass
They plighted their troth (on oath)
After nine o'clock Mass!
He thought he had found
The most perfect of spouses
Demure and so modest
That he'd wear the trousers
He thought to enjoy
All her favours alone
But Concepcion...
CONCEPCION: TraAaAa-la-la, etc.
Concepcion had ideas of her own!
Men came from the mountains
They came from the plain
For a taste of her Nights In The Gardens of Spain
But once that he'd wed her
There was no release
He had to put up with her Spanish Caprice
So when he got wound up
He'd make an excuse
Which left her quite free
To play at fast and loose
He'd take his fedora
Jam it down on his head
And simply ignore her
Wind the Town Clock instead
(Clocks strike the hour)
Out! Out! Out!
Concepcion's expecting a lover today
Out! Out! Out!
Stamp and shout!
A husband is not going to stand in her way
Through the streets of the town
Comes a young muleteer
A strapping young lad
But a trifle dim
Who's loved Concepcion
Many a year
But she doesn't care for him
To arrive at this time
Is inopportune
Concepcion thinks it
The final straw
When he presses his nose to the window
Then presses his suit at the door
(Hee-haw!)
He presses his suit at the door
He enters the shop
He has a pretext
A watch that wants repairing
Is he going to stop?
Concepcion's vexed
And all the time he's staring
Out! Out! Out!
Concepci6n's expecting a lover today
Out! Out! Out!
Fume and pout
Scheme to get this one out of the way
(Clocks strike the quarter.)
CONCEPCION (winningly) Ramiro! Ra-mi-ro!
She asks him to carry a Catalan clock
On his back so ample and broad
And take it upstairs to the foot of the bed
And he will have his reward
(Ramiro takes the first clock upstairs.)
Not a moment too soon
Gonzalve comes in
A poet who praises her charms
He's a pallid young man
And a trifle thin
He pulls out a sonnet
And coughs to begin
But there are further alarms
With a clump and a thump
Ramiro descends
(His speed has been surprising)
And even though
He's not very clever
He'll add two and two
If he sees them together:
This could be compromising
Out! Out! Out!
Concepcion's being unlucky today
Out! Out! Out!
Turn about
Find out a place to hide him away
She glances around
For a hiding place
Her heart is beginning to knock
As she thinks of the gossip
And the disgrace
So she bundles him into the clock
(Tick-tock!)
She bundles him into the clock
(Clock strikes a muffled half)
CONCEPCION (even more winaingly) Ramiro! Ra-mi-ro!
She asks him to carry this Catalan clock
She says she has made a mistake
He must take it upstairs
And bring down the first
Whose tick would keep her awake
(Ramiro takes the second clock upstairs.)
Not a moment too soon
As she stands at the door
Feeling quite faint
And out of breath
She sees down the block
(Hee-haw! Tick-tock!)
Don Inigo Gomez
And though he's plain
And old and stout
Her simple heart is fluttered
For he is a banker
And he's a grandee
It's apparent to you
It's apparent to me
She knows which side
Her bread is buttered
In! In! In!
Concepcion's heart tells her what she must know
It's no sin
A banker is good for a quid pro quo
(Ramiro brings down the first clock)
But here comes Ramiro
Once again
By now the poor lad
Is in quite a sweat
His knees are both knocking
His backache is shocking
Concepcion still has a use for him yet
(Clocks chime the three-quarter hour.)
CONCEPCION (who can deny her?) Ramiro! Ra-mi-ro!
She asks him to bring down the Catalan clock
The one that's still remaining
For clocks as well as walls have ears
Poor Ramiro's close to tears
And puffing and groaning and straining
(Concepcion helps Ramiro to the foot of the stairs.)
The banker decides
To hide in the clock
And spy upon the two
He gets in all right
But being so stout
Once he's got in
He cannot get out
He doesn't know what to do
(Cuckoo!)
He doesn't know what to do
TABLEAU
(Don Inigo struggles in his clock.
Ramiro tumbles downstairs with the second clock.
Gonzalve is thrown out of it senseless.
Concepcion is distracted.
The Mule and clocks do their own things.)
Tick-tock!
Cuckoo!
Hee-haw Hee-haw Hee-haw!
Ra-mi-ro is
Crawling across the floor!
Cuckoo!
Hee-haw!
Tick-tock Tick-tock Tick-tock!
Don In-i-go is
Stuck in a Catalan clock!
Hee-Haw!
Tick-tock!
Cuckoo Cuckoo Cuckoo!
Gon-zal-ve is
Here and he's senseless too!
Tick-tock!
Cuckoo!
Hee-haw Hee-haw Hee-haw!
Tor-que-ma-da... Tor~que-mada...
Tor-que-ma-da's
Coming right through the door!!
(Concepcion props Ramiro against the counter, slams thedoor of the clock containing Don Inigo, and drags Gonzalve into the other clock with her.
SILENCE
Torquenzado enters. Ramiro can only hold out his watch. Torquemada checks it. He is courteous and good-humoured to the end)
A watch for me?
Now, let me see...
I'll make it good as new though it's been knocked or dropped
It needs two hands, a face
Complete new works, a case
...I wonder why it is my finest clocks have stopped?
(Opens a clock.)
Don Inigo!
Yes, yes, I know:
You're finding if my work is to your liking
Now, please don't trust your eyes
But
try it on for size
I guarantee that you will find it really striking!
(Opens the other.)
Gonzalve too?
Well, how d'you do!
I see that you have really set your heart on it
You're making sure?
A guided tour?
No doubt you've found the perfect time in every part of it!
Concepcion?
Perfec-tion!
In your safe hands see how the business mounts
Today I feel
You've clinched a deal
I've always known, my own, it's your sure touch that counts!
(The lovers pay up and depart with their clocks.)
So old Torquemada
Just does not mind
He counts up the cash
Then he pulls down the blind
At the end of our play
Now the others are gone
He tiptoes away
With Concepcion
And now he knows
Just what to do
So Concepcion
Gets a good
Torqu-ing too!!
END
_____________________________________________
KD revised 16.6.97
CONCEPCION AND THE CLOCKS
Concepcion is a retelling of Franc-Nohain's comedy, familiar from Ravel's setting as L'Heure Espagnole. In ahectic hour, the wily Concepcion nearly - but not quite - controls three lovers while her clockmaker husband is winding the municipal clocks. Our version compacts the action into a quarter of an hour.
It was originally performed by the choir of Archbishop Holgate's School, York with shadow puppets. Subsequently it was performed at the Queen Elizabeth Hall, London in National Festival of Music for Youth. Here it was a staged piece, Ramiro's exertions with the clocks being supplemented by a set of porter's wheels.
There are other possibilities for perfomance. For example, five soloists instead of a choir. The piece is devised so that there are always participants who at any given moment can supply the commentary. The division of the parts should be decided by the participants. Such forces may recommend themselves to adult groups. (Mini 'insert arias' are available for adult cabaret performance. These add approximately five minutes to the timing.) We hope the piece may be useful to opera in education groups: the animal and clock noises may be adapted for the youngest performers.
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