The humble banana seems innocuous enough. It is the idle person's source of energy and Vitamin C because it doesn't need washing and is easy to peal. So easy that Max Miller was once banned for pealing a banana during a radio programme.
"One skin … two skin … three skin … five skin!" he intoned.
Now the former Zimbabewan president, the Revd. Canaan Banana, has been indicted on eleven counts of sodomy in Harare. One has heard of frustrated women and lesbians using bananas to satisfy their hunger for C-man rather than Vitamin C. But for a man to use a banana in such a way, defies natural anal-ysis.
However President Robert Mugabe, who used to endure vile rumours that his masculinity had been tampered with by the beastly British, loathes queers and bad bananas. So the hapless Canaan Banana is likely to get short shrift. He can expect to be eaten!
Perhaps Tony Blair should send his experienced Minister of Culture and the one without the handbag (or 'Portfolio' as they say in SW1) to the rescue! Imagine the scene in the Monamotapo Hotel in Harare as the waiter greets these two New Labour Britons early one morning.
"Good morning Sirs! Would you like a Banana or do you prefer a Cooked breakfast?"