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The Big Day Out
Once upon a time, many years ago, when mullets and spandex ruled the World, the music scene was dominated by Iron Maiden, Motörhead and othe bands of a similar ilk. Remember Spinal Tap, remember perms, remember the amps that went up to eleven, remember armadillos in spandex trousers and remember how every song had a rocking solo. There is a commonly perpetuated myth that Kurt Cobain killed that world. With the dawn of grunge, carefully managed Malmsteen-esque perms and mullets disappeared from the streets, Winger t-shirts vanished and spandex manufacturers went out of business. But metallers don't die that easily. Taking their Fender Stratocasters, hair, leather and assorted satanistic paraphernalia with them, they lay in dormancy, ready to awake and emerge whenever there was a large gathering of oldskool bands. Mercyful Fate (8/10) have black and white face-paints, oldskool riffage, a gold crucifix for the lead singer to play air guitar on, and they all looked pretty old to me. Strange then that I didn't see many mullet-wearing forty-year olds tuning their air guitars. Perhaps they were saving themselves for Metallica. Still, these guys played a damn good set, comprising of oldskool riffage, oldskool vocals (think Iron Maiden on speed and helium) and oldskool solos. Beautiful. This band rocks hard.
Creed (3/10) were next, on the main stage (why?). Well, I don't know much about Creed, certainly not enough to make witty comments about them, but then again, I don't want to know much about them. Talent was noticeably absent today, particularly in the vocals. I've heard "My Own Prison", and they can do a lot better than that. Oh well, at least they were energetic ... Symposium (7/10) next. What was a bouncy bubblegum pop act doing at the most metal festival this summer? I owned a Symposium album and they weren't quite what I had expected live. They did a Foo Fighters (remember Ozzfest '98) and, instead of sticking to where there talent lies - clean, pleasant melodic stuff - they tried to make it heavier to appease a distortion-hungry crowd. To my mind that was a mistake, but they seemed to go down okay. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. A few years ago, Mr. Dyson invented a vacuum cleaner that sucks and sucks and sucks and doesn't stop sucking. However, as an unfortunate byproduct of this wonderful invention, he inspired Pitchshifter (1/10). Political bands or bands with something to say really should think things through first. Rage Against the Machine, for instance, have clearly really worked out what they believe. The lyrical genius of Pink Floyd demonstrates great insight and eloquence. And Pitchshifter? A band relying heavily on lyrical impact? Well, a quick comparison should tell us:
Draw your own conclusions. Perhaps it would all be okay if they had great music instead, but they don't. They don't sing, they don't play, they don't write good songs and, to make matters worse, they rate themselves as modern-day philosophers. Apparently they played blindingly today (if you care, they got a 9/10 from Kerrrang), so I shudder to think what an average day is like. One fan told me that he felt sorry for Metallica because "Pitchshifter completely upstaged them." Is there any hope for such people, or should we embark on a vigorous program of compulsory euthanasia? Queens of the Stone Age (7/10) were pretty good. They were the first band that made me decide to go in, despite the combination of blistering weather and a lot of people crammed into a small space. However, although they're fun, the set was eminently forgettable. They're good, but they don't stand out. I guess that's why they're getting such a short review.
Big flags, main stage, international fame, a colourful Brazilian touch, great videos, undeniable vigour and a funky logo should have made Sepultura (5/10) a force which could have upstage Metallica. But it didn't. I felt myself sinking further and further into depression as these virtual demi-gods of metal disappointed throughout the set. They never have any singing or clean guitars and this lack of subtlety really does hamper them. Violent guitar thrashing and roaring has its place, but a whole set of it does not work. Maybe they've been suffering since the split. I don't know. Still, they pleased the crowd, so they must have done something right. To be honest though, they could simply stand up on stage, shout "We are Sepultura" and walk off, and most people would be content, such is their status. They didn't go that far, but I got the impression that they could have done a lot better. Monster Magnet (10/10)!!! YES!!! These guys know how to rock. As I shouted along with them "Space Lord Mutha Fucker!" and pogoed like a madbeast (I would have to wait till Marilyn Manson for any moshing) I decided that the £28.50 ticket was worth it just for this. Then I remembered the pain Pitchshifter put me through, and reconsidered. But I am SO seeing Monster Magnet next time they play near me. Marred only by the fact that, of their half-hour set, they spent five minutes complaining that they had only thirty minutes to play, they played just three songs. Three great songs. Then they burnt all their stuff. How rock'n roll. Terrorvision (9/10) - They used to have a place in my heart, with songs like Perseverance. That is, of course, until they released "Shaving Peaches" and Tony appeared on Never Mind the Buzzcocks. However, disillusioned as I am, I won't deny that they were very good. An amusing breath of fresh air with funky lights, funky music and funky onstage antics, that's what they were. At first I was worried that they might not be suited to the general atmosphere of the festival, but then I realised that they were out there to have fun, and so were all the crowd. A match born in heaven. I've decided to forgive them for Tequila. Just as long as they never play it again.
"I'm sorry I was late, I was getting a blowjob from Marilyn Manson and boy does he have a purty mouth." Attitude in abundance from Brian Molko, but the music was not enough to support such arrogance. Placebo (4/10) were dire and completely failed to please the crowd. The music sounded thin, Brian's voice didn't sound interestingly different, just annoying, and hasn't he heard? The androgynous look is so passé. Strutting round in a black miniskirt, Brian Molko really should have left cross-dressing to someone who knows how to do it with style ... The Artist Formerly Known as Brian Warner struted on stage in a black PVC corset and thong. Now THAT man has keen fashion sense. Marilyn Manson (8/10) kicked off well, rocking hard with songs from all four albums. It was all going great - we even got the cheesey speech before Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs like Me) when Marilyn Manson reveals that he had a dream last night in which he conversed with God. Of course, conversing with God does conflict with The Reflecting God: "I went to God just to see / And I was looking at me". The crowd didn't seem to care though, lapping it up as Marilyn blabbered on about how he was drowning in a sea of LSD and was washed up on a desert island, where the sand was made of cocaine and the palm trees of cannabis. Mmmm ... fondue. But then disaster struck with Rock 'n Roll Nigger as a bottle hit Marilyn Manson right on the pink triangle on his forehead. As he screamed for the person who threw the bottle to come up on stage and hit him, I realised that the set was going to finish early. It seems almost a part of the act now - he doesn't do a complete set at festivals. We didn't get an encore, we didn't get The Beautiful People, he just trashed the drums and stormed off. Most people I spoke to agreed with me - he'd played well, he just hadn't played everything. It was also a shame that he lacked the ten-foot high letters spelling DRUGS, the costume changes and everything else that makes him the best live act around. But then, he wouldn't want to upstage Metallica's flames and fireworks, would he? The eagerly anticipated moment had finally arrived. Metallica (9/10) came on and yes, the mullets were out in force by now to appreciate the band that has won "Best Band" award in Kerrrang for so many consecutive years. Within two seconds I was in the middle of a mosh. Wicked. And so the set continued, moshing, quieter moments of appreciation for the subtler parts of the set, more moshing ... it just doesn't get better than that. Well, someone hit me in the head because they thought I was responsible for the major bleeding above their left eye (if you're out there, sorry, but it wasn't me), and so I suppose it would have been better if that hadn't happened. But still, it was great. However, Metallica cannot get a 10/10. Yes, the fireworks were entertaining, yes the band played well and I'm even prepared to overlook the fact that they didn't play Fade to Black. However, we'd had a whole day of self-indulgent soloing. Metallica were playing for two hours. How many solos do you think you can fit into two hours of set? You can have way to much of a good thing. But that wasn't their only flaw. Some bands go offstage and stay offstage. Some go offstage and come back on for an encore. Some go off, come back, go off and come back again. But who plays a ninety minute set, goes off, comes back for an encore, goes off, comes on for another encore, goes off, comes back for a third encore and then finally goes off for good? Only Metallica. This was milking gone insane. Well eventually Metallica went offstage for good, and after about ten minutes the crowd realised that not even Metallica can make five exits, and so reluctantly left The Bowl. And it was left to us to reflect upon the day's disappointments and superb performances. It's a shame that many of the bands had been disappointing. I was dizzy, tired and had a worryingly large lump on my head, but hey, I'd seen Metallica. I could leave Milton Keynes with a contented smile on my face ... You'll note I haven't reviewed Ben Harper. Wondering why? Because all I can remember of him is that he played Purple Haze. Sorry, Ben Harper fans. Both of you. |
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