and what to do about them ... usually nothing at all!
If you receive something like:
Alert: Virus WarningIf you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetises the stripes on all your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will make your car misfire. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. For god's sake, are you listening? It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Super Glue and your Super Glue with Toothpaste, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun when someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings that grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from all of your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN! If you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. ******** Please send, send, send, send, and send! ******** |
This is a parody of such virus hoaxes. Some are almost as ridiculous as this is - written in an exaggerated style. Some claim the authority of government agencies or of Microsoft, Symantec, Norton, McAfee and similar major companies. The vast majority are nonsense, but they do have serious consequences:
If you receive an obvious hoax just delete it. If you are not sure, check it.
Each of the major anti-virus companies has a website which lists both the real and the hoax viruses around. Put one or two of those on your list of website favourites.
There are a few nasty viruses around but all of the ones you are likely to meet are known to the anti-virus companies. An up to date anti-virus program will deal with them and protect your system. Make sure you have such a program, that it is up to date and that it is actually running. If you do not have an anti-virus program get one as soon as possible. Many computer and internet magazines have cover discs with copies of suitable programs on them. A few are free, the most familiar names cost around £30-£60 ... a significant sum but worth every penny when they trap a virus coming into your system.
There is little point in getting paranoid about viruses ... they are an unpleasant fact of life, but with a little care most of us will not suffer. Sometimes you find advice saying you should be specially careful of emails from people you do not know. Sadly the truth is the opposite. Strangers rarely send viruses - friends do - unintentionally. The first thing many viruses do when they reach a computer is send copies of themselves to everyone in the email address book. A virus checker will catch them. One common give-away, however, is the email which says something like: "fault: this email could not be properly delivered but the text is in the attachment ... open this to read the message."
Delete the email at once and run your virus-checker.