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because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realise that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3/ The third thing is this: people often turn to thoughts of suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. Sometimes just thinking about suicide, to have the fantasy of suicide and the method you would use, is enough to bring about a sense of releif. To know that if it’s just to much to bear the pain, there is a way out. But you have to be alive to feel this relief. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4/ The fourth thing is this: some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try The Samaritans by phone or e-mail worldwide, or look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line. Look in the Counselling and Help section of your Yellow Pages, and call a psychotherapist or a counsellor, carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen. But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5/ The last thing I want you to know right now is this: Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet and various online services.Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.
Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or more...! until they outnumber your sources of pain.
Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource I can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.
Now: I’d like you to call someone, or if you are in my area, I invite you to call me on: 01803 665604
Other sources of help:
British Association for Counselling - Click on the writing in blue to go to their site. Choose “Enter” from the homepage, then choose “Table of Contents”, and then “Finding a Counsellor”. If you enter your personal details BAC will send you a list of counsellors in your area. This is an excellent source for experienced and qualified therapists.
The Samaritans - trained volunteers are available 24 hours a day to listen and provide emotional support. You can call a branch near you on the phone, or e-mail them. Confidential and non-judgmental. Short of writing to a psychotherapist, the best source of online help. Click on the writing in blue above to go to their site.
Books that actually help, by people who get it:
- Out of the Nightmare: Recovery From Depression And Suicidal Pain, by David L. Conroy, PhD (New Liberty Press, 1991, ISBN 1-879204-00-2). If this web page helped you a little, this book will help a lot. Dr. Conroy knows how to untangle the web of darkness. Recommended reading for every suicidal person, therapist, counsellor, friends and families of suicidal persons, and those left behind by the suicide of a loved one. The book is quite comprehensive, but non-technical, and can be sampled in small doses. Buy the book online from Amazon.com.
- Suicide: The Forever Decision: by Paul G. Quinnett, PhD (Continuum, 1989, $8.95, ISBN 0-8264-0391-3). Frank and helpful conversation with a therapist who cares. Buy the book online from Amazon.com.
- Choosing to Live: how to defeat suicide through cognitive therapy by Thomas E. Ellis PsyD and Cory F. Newman PhD (New Harbinger Publications, 1996, $12.95, ISBN 1-57224-056-3). Another conversational book with practical help for suicidal persons. Buy the book online from Amazon.com.
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