In February 1998 Walter Merricks addressed a British Fertility Society meeting on the ethics of gamete donation. Here is an extract from his talk:

Is it ethical deliberately to bring into the world a child who will be unable to know half of his or her genetic provenance? The HFE Act requires clinics to consider the welfare of the child before proceeding with assisted conception treatment. Is it right deliberately to separate genetic and social parenthood? Our answer is that responsible parenthood - using that phrase to comprehend the range of duties one generation can owe to the next - is composed of a variety of activities and obligations, and that caring for, nurturing and nourishing a child in the context of a loving relationship is at least if not more important than physically begetting a child, however ineradicable the fact of its biological origins. The welfare of child therefore should be addressed by considering whether the potential parent or parents seem capable of offering it responsible parenthood.

Most DI parents apparently still say to clinics that they don't intend to tell their children about their origins. Some argue that the absence of evidence about the effects of secrecy gives parents a free hand to choose what to do. But there is already a powerful and persuasive store of psychological evidence that lying, misleading, and deceit are corrosive within families, and can have dramatic and damaging effects when the lies and secrets are discovered. Can people really keep the secret, through the whole of their lives, throughout the child's life, through adolescence, despite death, divorce, family rows? At 18 a child who suspects something will be able to check on the HFEA's register whether he or she was born following assisted conception treatment. A legal analysis of the situation would centre on the issue of the rights of the child not to be deceived.

There are few adults who were conceived by DI who know the fact and have had a chance to reflect on it. Very few of those I know were told early in life, and most learned of it in circumstances which were less than ideal, and some in circumstances almost guaranteed to be disastrous. So we see being honest with our children about the facts of their conception as an element in responsible parenthood. Big secrets are unhealthy in intimate relationships. Their existence is nearly always felt on a subconscious level. They are usually based in and caused by feelings of shame, and shame about the method of family creation will inevitably colour the parent/child relationship. A method of family building about which people feel ashamed is not going to be right for them. One could argue that it is incompatible with responsible parenthood.

What will our children think of us - we who have children who will never know one half of their genetic inheritance? We do not and cannot know that they will not blame us for bringing them into the world this way - along with all the other ills children usually blame their parents for. Telling our children about their origins may be a necessary but not sufficient preparation for life as a DI offspring. We believe a strong emotional bond developed through good quality parenting can offer at least some protection against future despair and "genetic bewilderment". We must anticipate that our children may blame, argue, resent or revolt. But the deed is done and cannot be undone or reversed, and its consequences will perpetuate themselves through the next and the next and the next generation. The evidence however suggests that those who as children have experienced satisfactory parenting absorb the capacity to cope with adversity, even trauma, gaining a resilience which enables them to learn from and move on from these life events. Crucially they learn the capacity to cope with mixed feelings - itself a skill we as DI parents need to exercise and to pass on. Our children need to develop the ability to 'hold' conflicting feelings of loss and sadness together with an optimism and enthusiasm at the world and its potential. Our belief is that if we are honest with our children; share with them, as they grow up, our feelings and thoughts; offer them some strength and confidence; and try to prepare them for life as best we can, we may thus try to live up to the ideal of responsible parenthood.