A donor's story

Having helped three couples start a family and with the possibility of more to come, I am attempting to put my thoughts and failings down on paper.

• feeling of awe, because of the implications of what I have started genuine feeling of warmth and satisfaction that comes from giving to people who have a very great need, simply because you are able to. When I think of the challenges to be overcome and the soul searching involved, I really admire the recipient couples and the strength of character they must have.
• apprehension of any future legal changes which may be detrimental to people involved in the programme.
• the programme has a surreal quality to it because of the lack of visual feedback. This generates a "something you did in the past" feeling. There is some pride in the fact they I have been able to put aside the normal apathy, fear and embarrassment, and to have the confidence to be part of the programme.
• I would hate for the whole thing to blow out of proportion with my name and address made public. However, the public need to be more aware of DI concept and the people involved. There are valuable lessons to be learnt from the secrecy laws covering adoption.
• I am quite willing to be identified and even meet recipient couples and children. I have a simple need to know what happened to them. At the very least I would like to be given non-identifying information about the recipient parents.
• I intend to tell my children about their half-siblings and in fact have already told my nine year old son, or at least broached the subject. I regard it as my responsibility. It was at bedtime so he was tired but there was a flicker of interest at the mention of half brothers, followed by a few nods and "I don't know" when I asked him what he thought. I'm sure the questions will come.
• I'm amazed to find that some recipient parents have no intention of telling their children. Imagine a child finding out accidentally in later life. I have first had experience of this. My late father found out about his adoption in his late teens when applying for a passport. He expressed deep disappointment that his adopted parents "didn't have the guts to tell me." Surely the parents' short term needs and possible fears, and the child's long term needs for a biological link can both be accommodated.
• surprised to find how well I fit the average donor profile. That is middle income, thirtyish, married with children, blood donor and agreeable to providing information for the child upon request at 18 years of age.