Because our children are so wanted and we have so much love for them, we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking they should be perfect kids and we should be perfect parents! There is of course no such creature! Parenting is as challenging for parents of children conceived with donated gametes as it is for anyone else. Most of us with a new baby, tantruming toddler or bolshy adolescent find ourselves relying on the only experience we have ever had - being parented ourselves, and that has both positive and negative sides!

Books on parenting can be helpful as long as they are all taken with a pinch of salt, an ounce of common sense and mixed well with our own knowledge of our particular child - her temperament, his feelings, their way of responding to the world. The following are ones I have found helpful personally and in my work -

Your Child's Development: from birth to adolescence:
Richard Lansdown and Marjorie Walker, pub: Frances Lincoln in paperback. Not just walking and talking, but emotional and social development as well. The key to understanding behaviour is knowing something about stages of development, what to expect, how to respond.

The Secret of Happy Children and More Secrets of Happy Children:
Steve Biddulph: Pub: Thorsons in paperback. Australian parenting guru Steve puts over good, sensible stuff with lots of humour (something parents need loads of!).

*How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk:
Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, pub: Avon in paperback. This is THE book. The American examples and language can be annoying but well worth putting your irritation to one side if you want to revolutionise communication and co-operation in your household.

Saying 'no': Asha Phillips, pub: Faber and Faber in paperback:
Child psychotherapist Asha Phillips looks at setting limits at different ages and stages and lets us know that while No is harder to say than Yes, the ability to say 'No' is a vital part of loving relationships.

*The Long Awaited Stork: A Guide to Parenting After Infertility:
Ellen Sarasohn Glazer: Jossey-Bass Publishers, San Francisco. Ghastly title, good book generally and because of chapter on DI which includes suggestions for words to use when sharing information with our children. *both these American books are available in this country and worth tracking down. If you have Internet access Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk will supply American and English books quickly and maybe even at a discount. Olivia Montuschi