Dear Jane... In the last newsletter Jane requested examples of ways in which parents have introduced the topic of DI or related issues to their children, Kate replied :

Here are some thoughts on telling our son about his DI origins. I guess this will expand over the years. What I have to say seems quite brief at the moment, probably because, at 20 months old the dialogue is a bit of a one way process.

I started to tell Tom about his DI origins from when he was 3 months old or so. This was largely so I could practise and find words that I was comfortable using. I found it surprisingly difficult when I started and it was not helped by the fact that he was obviously so disinterested.......... (or was he?)

In the chaos of a day that characterises caring for such a small baby of 3 months, the best opportunity was when we were in the bath. At 20 months, this tradition of bath time talks persists. But I also take opportunities when they crop up. Weeks or even months may go by when we don't talk about it, and then we may talk about it on consecutive days.

I bought the book "My Story" when Tom was about 12 months old and I tried to read him the book but his patience was not sustained much beyond the credits on the first page. Mind you, he does seem to select this book to read now from his pile of books, and he particularly likes the page with the egg and sperm on it.

And of course his picture in the back is exciting, well for me it was so symbolic putting his photograph in its rightful place. He certainly greets this with an "oooo".

Recently friends came for tea and Tom was sitting on our friend Andrew's knee, asking him to read a book of his choice to him - Tom happened to choose "My Story". What a good example of how important it is to be open with friends and family - this was such a comfortable exchange.

In telling, I still struggle with the language, particularly because I do not know what to call the donor. I must say, I feel uncomfortable with the idea of those "very kind men" - it feels dishonest to call them that, who knows what motivates donors to donate, but I'm pretty sure it isn't kindness - what a horrible word. Donor daddy does not sit comfortably, sperm donor sounds so clinical, so I just say the man who gave us his sperm.

It's suddenly occurred to me as I write this that Tom has just discovered the word "man" and uses it constantly when we are out, pointing and shouting "man!" at every man who walks past.

Recently, our conversations have become more sophisticated, because Tom's comprehension is suddenly so obviously all embracing. Very little passes him by. I try to include my husband in our talks, but recently I have come to realise that their relationship is special and private too, they have their moments together when they chat. In fact as I write this article they are both recovering from chicken pox, together. As Michael says, what a splendid example of male bonding between father and son!

I'll keep you posted! Best wishes Kate