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46
years ago I was conceived as a result of donor insemination.
In
1945 my adopted father, a surgeon in the United States, arranged
for my mother to undergo this procedure at the University of Chicago
Medical School. After the second world war DI was introduced as
a new technique. I was one of the first produced in this way. My
parents were very anxious to have a child, and this was the only
way my mother could conceive.
I have
no idea who my natural father is. He was a medical student at the
university who donated his sperm, and my parents were not told his
identity. I understood he was health, good looking and intelligent,
but that is all I know. I have never sought to uncover who he is.
I would rather remain ignorant.
I want
to dispel the illusion that those born through DI are likely to
undergo an identity crisis. As far as I am concerned, I grew up
in a Reform Jewish family in Denver, Colorado. Given my background,
it is not surprising I decided to become a rabbi.
As
a child I was not told of the circumstances of my conception and
I was fortunate in having a secure home with two parents. I had
loving grandparents, many aunts and uncles and I knew where I belonged.
Even when I discovered the truth in my 20s, it made no difference.
My family is till my family.
But,
in retrospect, I think it was a mistake not to have told me from
the beginning. With the best intentions, my family wished to protect
me from reality. No doubt they felt the truth might prove unsettling.
In
the event, I felt a sense of liberation when I learned the facts
of my birth. From my earliest years I was aware that my adopted
father was different from me in many respects. We do not look alike,
we have very different temperaments and we have few interests in
common. As a child I was conscious of this. Now that all has been
revealed I can understand what for many years perplexed me. It was
as though a missing piece in a jigsaw had at last been put into
place.
I feel
no shame or embarrassment at the way in which I was conceived. Indeed,
I am deeply grateful to the doctor who arranged my birth and to
the medical student who donated his sperm. I literally owe my life
to them. I know what joy my birth brought to my parents. DI is a
miracle of science, and as one whose life was the result of such
scientific advance, I can only feel indebted.
It
can be very threatening for the husband to see his wife become pregnant
and known that it is through another man. The child born may not
resemble the husband in any way. All too easily the child can be
seen as a symbol of the husband's inability to reproduce. Understandably,
such factors can bring about considerable trauma within the family.
For
the child, it is of fundamental importance that such feelings be
recognised and overcome. He or she must be wanted and treasured.
Without this, problems of adjustment and development are inevitable.
It is probably easier for everyone if the truth of the child's conception
is acknowledged. It is not a nasty secret to be buried and forgotten,
but a cause for gratitude. A child conceived through DI was no mistake.
He or she is truly wanted.
At
first sight test-tube babies, virgin birth and surrogate motherhood
all seem very troubling. Yet there is nothing to be disturbed about
in the actual technique of DI. Rather it should be regarded as a
gift from God, one that gives humanity yet further opportunities
of forging new and loving families.
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