Eric Blyth, Reader in Social Work at the University of Huddersfield addressed our members meeting in Nottingham on 19th September 1998. Here are brief extracts from his talk.

Telling the truth is generally accepted as the decent thing to do (compare how we think and feel about people we know - or suspect - who are not trustworthy). As parents we teach our children the value of truth and usually punish them if we catch them not telling the truth. However, there is a counter-view summarised by the proverb 'What you don't know can't hurt you' and is usually resorted to as the justification for not telling people bad news. A classic example of this would be withholding news of a terminal illness from someone. When people have used donor assisted conception services they appear to be subject to these contrary pressures.

Research conducted in a number of Western European countries (including the UK) indicate that the vast majority of people who have used donor assisted conception do not intend to tell the child the truth about their origins. The reasons that people give for not telling the child include concerns about:

• the impact this will have on the child him or herself (how they will feel about themselves);
• the impact on relationships within the family and the unequal genetic relationship between the child and the two parents;
• the lack of detailed information about the donor that can be given to the child.

These are real concerns and have often been reinforced by professionals who, in the past, have actively encouraged people to keep quiet about their use of donor assisted conception.

What are the reasons for 'bucking the trend'?

• the child has the right to know;
• the child might guess there is something 'different' about them (e.g. notice physical differences);
• someone else who does know may inadvertently or maliciously tell the child (it is extremely rare that absolutely no one
• knows about a couple's recourse to fertility treatment);
• keeping the child in ignorance of her or his genetic origins will require constant vigilance and result in possible stress;
• if/when the child does find out, they may resent not being told in the first place;
• those who have told their children find their apprehensions are not borne out;
• donor offspring appreciate being told about their origins, even when there is little information about the donor.

What can the experience of adoption tell us?

• the expectation that adopted children will be told the truth about their status 'normalises' the situation, i.e. so much is taken for granted;
• revelation of the factors surrounding adoption (i.e. parental fertility difficulties) have not caused problems;
• revelation of the child's status as an adoptee has not adversely affected their perception of themselves or the way they are perceived by others (including their friends);
• having told the children the truth from the outset there is no need to be constantly vigilant to avoid giving away a 'secret' (or fearful that someone else will do so);
• adopted children who know about their status are not preoccupied about their genetic parents.