Be safe - Take precautions

I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile.

My reasons are numerous and after being married for 7 years and having 7 children,
I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless.

After getting married, I was advised to use the 'Rhythm Method' despite trying the
Tango and the Samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha,
apart from which, where do you get a band at 5 o'clock in the morning?.

A doctor suggested we use the 'Safe Period'. At the time we were living with in-laws
and we had to wait 3 weeks for a 'safe period', when the house was empty. Needless to
say, this did not work.

A lady of several years experience informed me that if we made love whilst breast
feeding we would be alright. Its hardly 'Newcastle Brown Ale' but I did finish up with
a clear smooth skin, silky hair and felt healthy - and my wife was pregnant.

Another old wife's tale we heard was that my wife jumped up and down after
intercourse, this would prevent pregnancy. After constant breast feeding including my
earlier attempts, if my wife jumped up and down she would finish with two black eyes
and eventually knock herself unconsious.

I asked the 'Chemist' about the 'Sheath'. The Chemist demonstrated how easy it was
for me to use, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again which doesn't surprise
me, as I fail to see how a durex stretched over the thumb. as the chemist showed me can
prevent pregnancy.

She was then supplied with the coil and after several unsuccessful attempts to fit it, we
realized we had got a left hand thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.

The 'Dutch Cap' came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with
our sex life at all, but alas it did give my wife severe headaches. we were given the
largest size available, but it was still too tight across the fore-head.

Finally we tried the 'Pill'. At first it kept falling out, then we realized we were doing it
wrong. My wife started putting it between her knees, thus preventing me getting near
her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot the pill.

You must appreciate my problem. If this operation is unsuccessful I will have to revert
to oral sex although just talking about it can never substitute for the real thing.

Yours

Dick Sinagin