Extracts from actual letters sent to the
DHSS (Social Security) -
perfectly genuine (I am told).
- I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it backfired and burnt
my knob off.
- The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which is
unsightly and dangerous.
- Would you please repair our toilet. My son pulled the chain and the
box fell on his head.
- Our kitchen floor is very damp and we have two children and we would
like a third so will you please
- send somebody round to do something about
- In reply to your letter, I have already cohabited with your officer
with no results so far.
- I am pleased to inform you that my husband who was reported missing,
- Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children -
one of which is a mistake as you will
- Re your dental enquiry. The teeth on top are alright but those on
my bottom are hurting dreadfully.
- I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate.
This is a lie as I married his father a
- week before he was born.
- I am sorry I omitted to put down all my children's names.
This was due to contraceptional
- I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
when he put his foot in the hole in his
- back passage.
- The lavatory is blocked. This is caused by the boys next
door throwing balls at the roof.
- The toilet is blocked and we can't bath the children until it is
- Will you please send someone to mend our broken path as my wife
tripped and fell on it and is now
- Mrs Smith has no clothes and has had none for over a year. The
clergy have been visiting her......
- I need money to buy special medicine for my husband as he is
unable to masturbate his food.
- My husband is diabetic and has to take insolence regular but
he finds he is lethargic to it.
- Unless I get my husbands maintenance money soon I shall be
obliged to live an immortal life.
- Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors
with my landlord and milkman.
- You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this matter?
- In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to
twins in the enclosed envelope.
- I want my sick pay quick. I have been in bed under the
doctor for a week and he is doing me no good.
- If things don't
improve I shall get another doctor.
- I do not get any money from my son, he is in the army and his
regiment is at present manuring on
- Salisbury plain.
- Milk is wanted for my baby and his father is unable to supply it.
- This is to let you know there is a smell coming from
the man next door.
- The toilet seat is cracked - where do I stand?