We all get countless e-mails sent to us
with funny things on them - only most of them are just annoying.
However, there are a few gems out there and these are they! Send your
funny e-mails (make sure they really are funny as well, not rubbish!) to
webmaster@wimbornecricketclub.co.uk
A woman and a man are involved in a car
accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them
are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says: 'So you're a man.
That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's
nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of
our days.'
Flattered the man replied: 'Oh, yes. I agree with you completely!'
'This must be a sign from God!' The woman continued. 'and look at
this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this
bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and
celebrate our good fortune.'
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in
agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to
the woman.
The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and
hands it back to the man. The man asks: 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies: 'No, I think I'll just wait for the police...'
MORAL OF THE STORY
Woman are clever. Don't mess with them.
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No introduction needed for this one
I don't think:
Snow Parking :
The wisdom of Peter Kaye
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
Geordies
For those that get to play alongside
Adam this season - this website may be of use - it's a shame we can't
have it with us all the time!! Geordie
Translator
Scousers
Please don't take offence at these!
Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle,
why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle
Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
A: Because if it walked it would be mugged
Q: What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A. A Burglar
Q: What do you call a Scouser in a tie?
A. The accused
Q: What do you say to a scouser in a uniform?
A: Big Mac and fries please
Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night?
A: What you looking at?
Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit
A: The Bride
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A girl walks in to a supermarket and
buys the following items:
1 Bar of Soap
1 Toothbrush
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 frozen pizza
1 single frozen dinner
The bloke behind her in the queue taps her on the shoulder. He is
carrying a basket with a six pack of stella, a pizza and some Wagon
Wheels. As she turns he smiles at her and says,
"Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies
"Yes. How did you guess?"
He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says
"Because you're minging"
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