My lovely wife, Carol,
died of cancer 17 June 2002. Having been at her hospital bedside constantly
for nearly 3 weeks, I was with her when she died - comforting and blessing
her, holding her hand and stroking her face - a wonderful privilege.
When I chose the principal
wreath, I just chose one saying 'CAROL' for that name says it all.
Carol was one of God's most
beautiful creations. Born on 18 December 1936, she enjoyed a happy childhood.
Her mum was the rock of the family, just as she became the rock of hers.
When I met her, a nearly 17yr
old, (we were set up by friends at a dance), I was immediately 'a lost
cause'. She was stunningly attractive, with sparkling brown eyes, auburn
hair, beautiful face, tall and slim with a lovely figure, and gorgeous
innocent smile that has become legendary. But not only did she have this
outer attraction, there was an inner beauty every bit and more beautiful,
even as a young woman, which developed with the years.
There was at times an almost
Mary-an quality about her - an innocence and vulnerability, qualities of
sheer goodness and kindness, a deep love for her husband and family, and
wider families and friends - a love that later reached out to others who
needed befriending and understanding, born of a deep love for people and
a passion for justice.
She had a simple, uncomplicated
faith that she could convey to others in need, a wisdom that could see
to the heart of a problem and reduce it to its proper proportion, her speech
was gentle and even-tempered, and she had a delightful, disarming way that
made people feel straight away she was their friend. It was rare indeed
to see her angry, rather was her anger expressed in writings and tears,
as at the death of her 10 yr old great-niece Ellie.
There was no sanctimoniousness
about her - she enjoyed a joke, and was truly funny, often spontaneously.
She had a delicious sense of humour, and could laugh and giggle with others
and at herself - I sometimes tickled her just to hear her lovely giggle.
She was an affectionate, warm, passionate wife in her love to me, as was
my love to her.
For me she was an utterly
complete woman. Her most loved prayer was that of St Francis, and her life
came to reflect that so well - it is difficult to find a flaw in her character,
although when I said that to a friend, she amusingly remarked that ' Carol
had a very dubious choice in her line of husbands'.
She was a committed
Christian, and gave freely of her time to God in the church in several
capacities - utterly reliable in what she promised; always willing to help
(where did she get the time?); welcoming to new people, often bringing
them home for a meal; never judgmental, while conveying gently and wisely
her sense of right; and a loving, warm, friendly human being who made the
world a little brighter and better wherever she went. She taught me much
about myself, and most of what I know about real love - what that really
means.
She was made an 'honorary
child' by her niece, because she could be a child to children; she laughed
with them and gave them cake for breakfast. She got down and played with
the smallest the games they wanted to play, until her illness made it impossible.
Many 'gay' Christian people
felt they could talk to her as a mother, about things they could not discuss
with their own parents, and she opened the way for parents to understand
and love their 'gay' children.
Like all married couples,
we had our difficult times; but I thank God for these as they brought us
closer, and those years are full mostly of lovely, sometimes hilarious,
memories on which I am feeding as I try to come to terms with her death.
Perhaps the following two of the several 'Valentines' that I composed for
her summarise my feelings;
You are the loveliest woman
in the world to me!
Your mind within which
No prejudice or mean-ness
do I find.
Just charity of thought,
commonsense;
Wings through problems. So
kind.
Your spirit bright
Brings love, laughter, faith
and understanding
Lifting from care and hurt,
Forgiving, bringing new insight.
Your body
Which bore our children,
Warm and soft. bringing love,
comfort, tenderness,
Embracing, relaxing me.
I love you so much.
You are the loveliest woman
in the world to me.
====================================
Thank God for giving you
to me to share life.
Many pleasures, many treasures
One supreme - Our love.
Many burdens, never harden
That great gift - Our love.
Earth nor heaven, joy nor
sorrow
Take away our love.
===================================
God gave his precious Son
for me, and God gave Carol to me for nearly 50 years - I must be very special
to God, for God to give me such wonderful gifts. I cannot be angry that
she has gone, but can only give God thanks moment by moment for the lovely
woman with whom I shared most of my life. Praise
His Loving Name.
Yours in Christ
George
3 July 2002
DONATIONS IN MEMORY OF CAROL HOPPER - THANKS
TO ALL WHO GAVE
Carol's family asked others
of the family & their friends to consider rather than buying funeral
flowers, donating to a special hospital bed of a design that brought much
more comfort to her in the last weeks before her death. In the event friends,
many from the 'gay'Christian community, who loved her and the many who
had been touched by her love and graciousness donated some £3000,
and George & Carol's own family and wider family, donated the balance
to buy two (2) such beds which were presented to Elizabeth Loury Ward of
Southend Hospital on 16 December 2002, see
photo below. The party consisted of our
4 daughters - Beverley, Angela, Paula, Andrea, 2 of our 7 grandchildren
- Darcy and Darwin, and George. The event became a celebration of Carol's
life!
The family also donated £300
to buy 3 Z-Beds for the children's ward of Basildon Hospital for parents
staying overnight, over £350 to Gt Ormond St Hopital for Sick Children,
£300 to Cancer Research, £500 to Evangelical Fellowship of
Lesbian & Gay Christians for a project, £30 to the cancer support
organisation BACUP, £500 for a 3ft high memorial cross in Trinity
Methodist Church where Carol & George worshipped for some 40 years,
and a small sum to Integrity Uganda which is a Church-based support group
for young Ugandan gay men which George and Carol supported when the church
tried to stop the work. The Hopper family provided the funds for a meeting
house - Hopper Hall, together with a garden - Carol's Garden, which now
contains a memorial to Carol.
Carol's memory will live
on in the hearts of all who knew and loved her, and many who only knew
of her, but benefitted from her love and graciousness.
