You know you're an REM fan if....
1. You can't hear the studio version of Man on the moon without yelling 'Coo-all!' before the instrumental bridge.
2. You can read ITEOTWAWKI(AIFF), LMR, MotM and AFTP with ease but have no idea what SCUBA, UNESCO and NORAD stand for.
3. You voted for Dukakis because you thought that President Michael sounds cool.
4. You've ever had an e-mail address or screen name containing the words Kensey, Meat Science, Murmur or Driver followed by a number
5. You've ever had a car registration plate that spells an REM album title.
6. You have cassette or CD cases on your shelves bearing only the name of a city and a date but no artist.
7. You know how to do the 'Stand' dance.
8. You and your wife actually did the "Stand" dance at your wedding.
9. When asked how many times you've seen REM play live, you answer "This year??"
10. You've been to Athens for no other reason than it's REM's hometown.
11. You know that there are two versions of 'Bad day'
12. You can sing along to both versions.
13. You've considered trying to grow a Unibrow
14. You're more interested in last night's setlist than you are the headline news.
15. You've ever shaved your head.
16. You've purchased spreadsheet software for the express purpose of organizing your bootleg collection.
17. You say 'Automatic' to answer questions with no sense of irony.
18. You admire Michael's fashion sense.
19. You've ever flamed someone for criticising Michael's fashion sense
20. You've named any of your pets or children Amanita, Weaver or Kenneth.
21. You think that Michael can actually play harmonica.
22. You're proud of your setlist/guitar pick collection.
23. The password on your PC is REM related
24. You have the current tour schedule on your fridge and check it every evening
25. You buy your tickets to see REM and only then do you check to see if you can get time off work.
26. You think it's perfectly reasonable to go to see shows on consecutive nights even if the venues are 500 miles apart.
27. You trade for more than one copy of the same show
28. You think that $10k for a copy of the original Cassette Set is fair market value
29. You take it personally when friends comment that Michael can't play harmonica
30. You're used to people asking you: "Don't all these tapes sound the same?"
31. You stand by your personal theory about what Michael's singing in the chorus to 'Sitting still'.
32. You're sure that one day you'll actually find a copy of the April 5th 1980 show
33. You've listened to 'Losing my religion' more times than REM have played it
34. You refer to any and all other music as "non-REM"
35. You have a small piece of rubble at home in a film canister that you picked up when you visited 394 Oconee St
36. You've eaten Sweet Potato Soufflé and Cornbread at Weaver D's Fine Foods
37. You've moved to another country to be with another REM freak.
38. Every time you go into a record store the first thing you do is go to the REM section and look at the CDs there.
39. Every PC screensaver that you've ever displayed on your monitor has been R.E.M. related.
40. When you play air guitar in your room to ITEOTWAWKI you finish off with the famous Peter Buck scissor-kick then spin and twirl combination.
41. You buy every single import single for years solely for the "not available in the USA" b-sides, then happily re-buy them all again by purchasing the In Time bonus CD and justify if with a big big smile by saying "Cool! Now I have them all on one disc!"
42. You are not a guitar player, but you still know what the term "arpeggiated guitar chords" means.
43. You once bought a blue Future Farmers Of America jacket in a thrift shop because you saw Peter wear one in an early photo.
44. You bought both UP and Reveal in the regular and premium editions even though you tell everyone that you don't particularly like them.
45. You have LP, cassette, and CD copies of all the IRS albums.
46. You argue that Mike actually looks "cool" in those sequinned Nudie suits.
47. You are convinced that your interpretation of the words to the chorus of Sitting Still is the correct one.
48. You find a badly scuffed, unplayable LP copy of Murmur at a yard sale and even though you already have four of them at home, you buy it anyway.
49. You define important dates in your life as happening "pre-Warner Brothers" or "post-IRS"
50. You met your girl/boyfriend/spouse/lover on an REM Website or at an REM show.
51. You Dream about the "Big Find"
52. You start saying the word "Chestnut" out of the blue.
53. You stare at your REM bootleg collection of cds or like to scan your list online.
54. You would lie through your teeth to get an REM recording.
55. You have more bootleg REM cds than you have "Non-REM" CDs.
56. You have recorded covers of REM songs.
57. You have dreams about REM shows that when you wake up you wished that you could have bootlegged the show.
58. You have that one recurring dream where you're in the back room of a really old dusty grimy antique shop and you find an old box on a shelf. You blow the dust off the box, open it and find 50 mint copies of an unreleased 7" REM single. The song on the single is a cover version of 'The Crusher' by The Cramps. The sleeve is a picture of a bulldozer squishing a crowd of people (just like in Soylent Green). You start to wake up and slowly realise that you've been dreaming and that this single doesn't exist in reality. You try to go back to sleep just to give yourself time to at least play the darned thing and hear the song. You stay resolutely awake. You get yourself out of bed but you feel bummed all day. In quiet moments of mournful reflection you still think that there's a chance that the single really exists and that the dream was a sign to you and you alone.
59. You think that Warner Brothers did a pitiful job in compiling the bonus CD of In Time and wish to hell that they'd have turned the job across to you.
60. Your requested presents from a friend's trip to the US aren't the usual cheap CDs & Levis, but a phial of (polluted) Cuyahoga water and some pressed kudzu.
61. Your family think you're nuts because you cook in a Weaver D's apron & sleep in a 40 Watt T-shirt
With thanks to the good people at REMring