Well, am I the only one who has noticed them?

Wherever you go racing during the Autumn / Winter months, they're always there, people dressed in exactly the same clothes, carrying exactly the same items, they even look alike.

You must have seen them, they wear long brown overcoats, brown trilby hats, shiny shoes, white shirt and dark tie and trousers with wickedly sharp creases in them.  Over one shoulder they carry a huge binocular case (usually brown), and under the other arm there is always a copy of the Racing Post.  The Sporting Life always used to be their publication of choice, but obviously that's no longer possible.

There are too many of them for it to be a coincidence, I find it inconceivable that there are that many people who want to dress up like dorks.  So there is only one conclusion to draw, they must be aliens.

When you think about it, it makes perfect sense.  You never see two of them together, they always work alone so as not to arouse suspicion, and have you ever seen one of them actually take his binoculars out of the case?, no neither have I.  That's because the cases don't contain binoculars at all, they probably contain transmitters for relaying messages back to the planet dork.  The giveaway is the fact that they lug these huge cases to meetings where there is a giant screen in front of the grandstand, so you don't need binoculars.

They obviously abducted a racegoer back in the 1950's when such clothes were fashionable, and assumed that is the way all racegoers dress, they don't realize that this is the 21st century and they stick out like a sore thumb.  They think they are inconspicuous and we humans don't realize that we are being studied, well they've finally been rumbled.

You may be thinking that Ivor Donkey is a paranoid conspiracy theorist as well as a sub standard racing tipster, but you'll see that I'm right.  Maybe somebody will make a sci-fi film on the subject.  "Close Encounters Of The Thirsk Kind" perhaps, or "The Fontwell Incident".  Or even "The EX-eter Files".

So be on your guard the next time that you go racing, and remember - "Keep Watching The Skies".