The people who followed Jesus were called the twelve decibels...The epistles were the wives of the apostles... one of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
 

Letter to the Daily Telegraph from a reader in York last November:-"Sir, I believe I shall shortly be needing some gopher wood. Can anyone tell me where I can get it? Does it come in imperial measures or shall I have to buy it in cubits?" (You remember the weather problems in York at the time?)
 

A notice in last April's "Parish Link", the church magazine covering, inter alia, Whipsnade read:"WHIPSNADE CHURCH SERVICES - How often have you decided not to come to church on Sunday mornings for fear of dirtying your shoes? Well, don't worry - on muddy days we come in WELLIES! Please join us."
(Surely that's not the reason TBC attendances _______   have been so low on Sunday evenings?)
 

Thanks to Rachel Clarke's friend, Lyn, for letting her share this with us:-
Five-year-old Nikki showed me a picture she had painted and I hadn't a clue what it was. "It's an empty cave, Nanny, THE empty cave." "What empty cave?" ...(Sigh) "The one you told me about last Easter when they couldn't find Jesus' body!"
 

John came home from his first day at school. Mum asked "What did you learn today?" He replied "Not enough. I've got to go back tomorrow."

We hear that 2 "Old Tottonians" have moved back to this part of the world - MAURICE and PEARL HOLDEN have deserted the Essex coast for the Enfield area where they are nearer to daughter CAROL. We hope they're settling down in their new home.

IRENE ANDREWES was having health problems before Christmas and I'm told that EDNA BENTLEY has been in hospital for an operation. We hope that both are feeling better by the time this edition goes to print.

On a brighter note, how many of our readers watched "Songs of Praise" from Northampton on 3 December? LESLEY GOULBOURNE (nee ANDREWES) and a few others from her church took part but, as far as I know, no-one spotted her on screen.....