There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for
nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by
the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. 

The noise would always awake up his wife and the smell would cause
her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning.
He told her that he couldn't help it. 

She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but
the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a 
natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she 
tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. 

She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't
stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out." The years went by
and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore
her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Thanksgiving
morning.

Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. 
She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey.
While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to
the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. 

With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a 
bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband 
would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the 
covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. 

She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear,
pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to
finish preparing the family meal. Several hours later she heard her
husband awake with his normal loud ass trumpeting. This was soon
followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic foot
steps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom.

The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as
she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him 
she had finally gotten even. About twenty minutes later, her husband
came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror
in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him
what was the matter. 

He said, "Honey, you were right--all those years you warned me and I
didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one
of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God
and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."