An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died
in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years,
mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercising.
 
When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their
mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath
suite and a Jacuzzi.
 
As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this
was going to cost.
 
"It's free," St. Peter replied. "This is Heaven."
 
Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship-style
golf course that the home bordered. They would have golfing privileges
every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing
the great golf courses on earth.
 
The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"
 
St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free."
 
Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with
the cuisines of the world laid out.
 
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it is free!" St. Peter
replied, with some exasperation.
 
"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man
asked timidly.
 
St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part, you can eat as much as you
like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick
either. This is, after all, Heaven."
 
With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat
and stomping on it, and screaming wildly.
 
St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what
was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your
fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been
here ten years ago!"