|
Blonde on a plane
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section.
The stewardess tells her she must move to economy because she doesn't have a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart and I have a good job and I'm staying in first class
until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the woman to leave and she says
"I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The stewardesses don't know what to do because they have to get the rest of the passengers
seated to take off, so they get the co-pilot.
The co-pilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear.
She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the economy section.
The head stewardess asks the co-pilot what he said to get her to move.
The co-pilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica".
The Blonde And The Cute Sheep
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair
cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car
to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she said to the shepherd,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed,
and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter
and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you.
If I can guess your true hair colour, can I have my dog back?"
The Rules
1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice. 3.
No Male can possible know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES,
she must immediately change some of THE RULES
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong,
it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances,
let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat,
lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS,
all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
19. Every house belongs to the oldest female living there
The Gynaecologist
A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynaecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window.
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh.
Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes", she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"That is right", said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes", the woman said, "You're checking for any lumps for breast cancer."
"Correct", replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he jumped on his patient and asked her "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes", she said, "You're getting herpes; because that's why I came here in the first place."
Virgins & Angels
Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mum.
She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."
A girls school biology lesson
Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college,
asked during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body
which, under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size,
and define those conditions?"
Miss Smythe gasped, then said, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me.
I assure you, my parents will hear of this," and sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct Miss Johnson." said Mr. Perkins. "
And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment.
|
