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Company's Position On "Streaking"
To: All Employees Subject: Company's Position on "Streaking"
The Management Has Adapted The Following:
1. Streaking will be permitted as follows: Female employees will streak on odd days,
Male on even days. On payday, all employees may streak subject to the following:
2. Girls who have tattoos on the lower half of their bodies such as "sock it to me" or
"What you see is what you get" will not be permitted to streak. Men with tattoos such as
"Let it all hang out" will not be permitted to streak. Also, men with tattoos of butterflies,
roses, or elves will streak with females.
3. Junior executives may carry briefcases while streaking, however, the usual rule applies -
- Junior executives may never carry any business papers, but may carry the usual such as
a box of Kleenex, lunch, wife's shopping list and playboy magazines, etc.
4. Girls with busts size larger than 36B must wear a bra while in the shop area or around
any moving machinery. Girls with bust sizes smaller than 36B should not try to impress
people by wearing a bra.
5. If you streak in any area where food is served, you must wear two hairnets.
These will be available in the vending machines in the cafeteria.
6. In the event your physical make-up is such that your sex cannot be determined,
such as flat chest for girls or long hair on boys you must wear a tag stating
"I am a boy" or "I am a girl". Tags will be attached on girls with hairpins or paper clips,
on boys with rubber bands; please return paper clips and rubber bands to stationary
supplies after you have finished streaking.
7. Girls may wear jewellery while streaking but in no event should they
bend over to retrieve it should it fall. (Due to insurance regulations).
8. No female beyond her seventh month of pregnancy or those wishing to
become pregnant may streak.
9. No mixed streaking in dark hallways, broom closets, or under desks.
10. When streaking, do not tailgate.
Signed: The Management
Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office...But Aren't
10. I need to whip it out by 5:00pm
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Put it in my box before I leave.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag.
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!
5. HMMMMMM...... I think it's out of fluid.
4. My equipment is so old it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
1. It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits there.
Have you ever been evaluated against a different standard than your boss?
Well, here we have identified some of those standard differences which a lot
of you may identify with.
When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
When you don't get something done, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't get something done, he's too busy.
When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When you do it your own way, you don't do what your told.
When your boss does it, he's showing creativity.
When you do it on your own, you're overstepping your bounds.
When your boss does it, he's demonstrating initiative.
When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss takes a stand, he's being firm.
When you violate a rule, you're self-centred.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
When you help a peer, you're not busy enough.
When your boss does it, he's a team player.
When someone else does your work, you're passing the buck.
When someone else does his work, he's assigning responsibility.
When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your bosses out of the office, he's on business.
When you call in sick, you're going golfing.
When your boss calls in sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
When you're seen shopping during work hours, you're a slacker.
When your boss is doing the same, he's picking up office supplies.
When you get a raise, you're lucky.
When he gets one, he really earned it.
When you do a good job, you get a pat on the back.
When he does a good job, he gets a bonus.
 “My mom was a ventriloquist and she was always throwing her voice.
For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father”
If you have a joke you would like to send us, email: jokes@almosttrue.co.uk
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