April 28 2008
Ask not for whom the bell tolls . . .
We are now well inside the final furlong of this year's election
race and in less than three days time all we wanabe councillors
will know our fate - grisly or otherwise.
This has been a curiously low-key campaign probably because almost
25% of the members, including most of the Independent Political
Group's top brass, have been returned unopposed.
Old Grumpy has been out tramping the streets of Hakin in an attempt
to drum up support.
So far, I've avoided the stereotypical political activities and
though I've met a number of charming babies on my travels, I've
avoided kissing one.
By the way, if any of the young mothers in my ward are reading
this, all the babies in Hakin are absolutely delightful.
And, touch wood, the people of Hakin have invariably been telling
the truth when describing the psychological profile of their
dogs.
"He looks fierce, but he wouldn't hurt a fly", they
say, and my ankles remain unscarred.
That said, with less than two days to go to the opening of the
polls, Old Grumpy is suffering from a series of repetitive strain
injuries ranging from doorbell thumb to letter box cramp.
Indeed, I would say the letter boxes are much more dangerous
than the dogs and I'm surprised the postal unions haven't come
out on strike demanding that anyone wishing to enjoy a postal
delivery should install a standard-design, user-friendly letter
box.
By user friendly I mean one that can be manipulated by someone
with fewer than three hands.
But, while posing less of a physical threat, it is doorbells
that are the chief danger to the politician because they have
the potential to cause annoyance to the very people you are trying
to persuade to vote for you.
The best sort are those that are clearly audible from outside.
You press these and allow a decent interval to elapse - 20 seconds,
say - before stuffing a leaflet through the letter box.
Otherwise, it's press and hope.
The temptation, especially when you think there might be someone
at home, is to give it a second push.
This is where empathy is a great help.
Old Grumpy has recently developed the habit of having a quick
post-lunch power nap, and I ask myself how I would react if someone
kept on ringing my doorbell and woke me up.
Not very well, I can assure you.
So, never ring twice!
After all, they may have seen you coming up the garden path and
decided to exercise their constitutional right to pretend to
be out.
I learned this lesson at the 2004 election when I rang the bell
at at a house where I knew someone was at home - the TV was on
and the front door was partially open.
When nobody appeared, I rang again, and again.
Eventually a gentleman appeared in his dressing gown having obviously
been disturbed while having a bath.
I pointed to the copy of the election leaflet in my hand and
said: "You should have had one of these."
"Yes", he said, "And you're all the f------ same,
so f--- off" before shutting the door firmly in my face.
I wrote on my canvass return: "Not likely to vote for the
opposition".
In this business, you have to put the best possible gloss on
things.
And another lesson I've learned is not to be too sophisticated
with things like the electoral roll.
Last time around I arrived at a house and noticed the name Friedman
neatly printed under the bell button.
After consulting the electoral roll I concluded that the previous
residents must have moved on and, as the Friedmans were not registered,
there was no point in leaving a leaflet.
Half a dozen houses later, I came across another family of unregistered
Friedmans and repeated the process.
When a third family of the same name passed across my radar it
occurred to me that Friedman might be name of a doorbell manufacturer.
needless to say, being a quick learner, I haven't made the same
mistake this time around.
No politics please
Council elections in Pembrokeshire always bring forth shedsfull
(or should it shedfulls, or as my spellcheck suggests, sheds
full) of nonsense about no place for politics in local government.
As politicians are just ahead of estate agents in terms of public
trust and esteem, it is little wonder that they baulk at being
described as such.
However, Pembrokeshire County Council spends some £200
million of taxpayers money annually.
As there is never enough money to do everything, someone has
to decide which areas of spending should take priority.
Whether we like it or not, these are political decisions and
it would seem to follow that the people making them can only
be described as politicians.
My own main opponent, Eric Harries, has been campaigning under
the catchy slogan "People not politics" but, as I have
been keen to point out to anyone prepared to listen, it was he
who introduced politics into county hall when he founded the
Independent Political Group of which he was the first leader.
I was talking to one of Eric's former IPG colleagues the other
day who told me that the independent councillors had been advised
- by whom he was not prepared to say - that, unless they formed
a political group, the council would be dominated by the Labour
Party.
At the time, Labour held only 14 of the 60 seats so it is not
altogether clear on what system of voting this dominance was
to be based.
The truth is that the main purpose of the IPG is to control the
destination of the more than £200,000 the council spends
each year on the Special Responsibility Allowances paid to Cabinet
members and chairmen and vice-chairmen of committees.
'tis bliss
Latest additions to my daughter's herd of Gloucester Old Spots
on a visit to the milk bar.
Published and promoted by Mike Stoddart Court Farm Liddeston Milford Haven SA73 3QA Candidate Hakin Milford Ward, Pembs County Council elections 1 May 2008.