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SCAR TISSUE...

Free-sheet collage of horror and dark humour - featuring short fiction, genre prose, poetry, artwork, cartoons, lists, reviews, news, cuttings, trivia, adverts

Published irregularly since 1994. Here are just a few samples of work from selected issues...

Ten Terrible Things:
cute chicks wearing doc martens
tacky toys in my breakfast cereal
waiting for automatic doors to open
Nana Mouskouri on CD
catching the 'flu on my day off
TV commercials for Gillette razors
people who say "believe me..."
the Whispering Gallery in St Paul's
newspaper advice columnists
fans that rave on about crap films

by Warren Shortland

Mars Votes Yes To Single Market
It’s an end to enmity;
Economic ties
Are stronger than peace treaties.
No one wages war
When the order books are full.
Earthside factories
Operate on double-time,
While Martian deserts
Fill up with washing-machines.

by J.C. Hartley

Worldwide Announcement
The alien race
responsible
for setting humanity off
on the road to civilisation
are due to return to see what
we've done with their gifts of
fire,
the wheel and cutting flints.

Before they arrive
it's essential we hide
all
the flared trousers,
fun pubs
and people who say,
Yo, dude.

If this is not done,
there is a serious chance
the aliens will
withdraw
their technology
in disgust
at what we have become.
Leaving us cold,
immobile
and trying to rip meat
with our prehensile bits.

Be warned,
before it’s too late!

by Brian Maycock

ANAGRAMS
Scart Issue
Stasis Cure
Arises Cuts
Satire Cuss
Scare Suits
Suits Races
Situ Caress
Saucer Sits
Casus Tiers
Ser Casuist
Cats Issuer
Cart Issues
Cues Stairs
Citrus Seas
Cassius Rte
ICA Trusses
Causes Stir
Cruises Sat
Curse It Ass
Cast Is Sure
Crust It Sea
Custer Is As
Rust Is Case
Stirs As Cue
Is Suet Arcs
Suet Is Cars
I Truss Case
Is Ass Truce
Stars Is Cue
by Jinx

TEN BEST PROVERBS
Necessity is the mother of invention
90% of inspiration is perspiration
Experience is the best teacher
It takes all sorts to make a world
There’s nowt so queer as folk
Truth fears no trial
He that knows nothing, doubts nothing
Self-praise is no recommendation
Empty vessels make the most noise
If you can’t be good, be careful

compiled by Ian Shutter

POWERFINGER
Powerfinger installed
light fixtures for the stars.
His smoked pupils
were immune to glare.
And his skin was thicker
than the Earth’s mantle.
Often he walked
on open pits of fire
just to burn the rust
from between his toes

by William P. Robertson

The Unsung Heroes
In the 1960s, there was a sudden and dramatic increase in the sediment yield of rivers all over the world. This was caused mainly by the increased rate of urbanisation and construction, but also by the large influx of drugged pseudo-religious hippies (plus assorted cooking utensils) who accidentally fell into rivers during pop festivals.
Their bodies collected and blocked many rivers, causing massive floods and killing thousands of people, which only added to the problem. In the end, both the USA and Great Britain declared a state of national emergency, and the bodies were hauled into crates and sent to Ethiopia, where they held famine at bay for a record three months and 10 days.

by Cherry Antacid

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