Newsnight - Pilate

by Jane And Mark Lewis

Background
Rating
Characters
Staging
Script

Background

This sketch is based on Newsnight - The Night Before Jesus Died - just with the main politician bits reworked. The format is based on the BBC2 TV news programme Newsnight - sometimes presented by Kirsty Wark. The idea for starting Kirsty's intro with a line from a pop song is a homage to one of our favourite comedy programmes - BBC2's Dead Ringers which uses the same device in its spoof of Newsnight.

Rating

Characters

Kirsty Squawk - Newsnight presenter
Pontius Pilate - Roman Governor of Judea

Staging

TV style interview - ideally behind a desk/table.

Script

Kirsty: Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you. More on that story later. As the popular prophet Jesus of Nazareth is convicted under the Prevention of Terrorism Act we have with us tonight the Roman Governor himself, Pontius Pilate, Governor - thank you for joining us.
Pilate: Thank you Kirsty.
Kirsty: You have today condemned this Jesus of Nazareth to death. What exactly is the threat that this preacher-man poses to civil order? By all accounts he has been preaching a message of love and healing the sick. He hardly sounds like a dangerous man.
Pilate: He has obviously transgressed some very important religious rule of the Jews - their Sanhedrin were quite steamed up about it. I am uninterested in the precise details..
Kirsty: [interrupting] Uninterested in the details! Surely in your position as Judge in this situation you have every cause to be completely clear on the details. For example the important detail that the man's trial itself broke their own criminal law.
Pilate: If you will let me finish. The details are irrelevant of the exact religious crime that he has committed. That is a matter for the local community leaders. I am here to ensure the rule of Imperial Law. And this man's actions have stirred up a veritable hornet's nest of trouble. I understand he had himself proclaimed king last week when he rode into the city and caused a civil disturbance in their Temple. So maybe he isn't quite as whiter than white than you are implying.
Kirsty: Is that your information - from your own investigations or is that simply regurgitating the accusations of the chief priests?
Pilate: The important matter here is that this man has been the source of civil disobedience and is a focal point for trouble. As you know tensions often run high at this time of year..
Kirsty: Passover?
Pilate:   Yes - their biggest festival of the year. The city is full of pilgrims. It would be very easy for matters to get out of hand.
Kirsty: So why release a murdering terrorist, Barrabas, instead of this Jesus - against whom the evidence appears incredibly thin - you yourself declared him innocent of any crime.
Pilate: This Jesus has broken the Jewish Law - a blasphemy apparently that demands the death sentence. Taking into account the wider picture I gave executive approval to the sentence.
Kirsty: So basically what you are saying is to avoid a riot you were prepared to condemn a possibly innocent man to death and cave in to pressure from the crowd. Isn't that mob rule?
Pilate: This Jesus of Nazareth was convicted under Jewish Law it is not for me, a so-called "Gentile" to re-try the case.
Kirsty: Didn't you just cave in to pressure from the crowd?
Pilate:   I have exercised my proper authority as governor within my Imperial mandate
Kirsty: Did you cave in to pressure from the crowd?
Pilate:   I have upheld the law whilst remaining sensitive to the particular local customs and religious faith of this region
Kirsty: Its a very simple question - just answer yes or no. Did you cave in to pressure from the crowd?
Pilate:   I have addressed the important issues here about the remit of my role and not interferring in religious rulings...
Kirsty: [interrupting] I'm sorry - I'm going to have to be very rude. Did you cave in to pressure from the crowd?
Pilate:   The important issue here is maintaining civil order during the festival season. I have taken the necessary actions to ensure that order. What the people need is strong leadership and sometimes you have to make tough and unpopular decisions.
Kirsty: Like a few years ago when you massacred the Galileans in the Temple. Have you got something against Galileans?
Pilate:   I don't have to listen to this anymore. [gets up]
Kirsty: You're going to just wash your hands of this?
Pilate:   [with menace] This interview is over [removes mic and storms out]
Kirsty: Right. OK. Well it looks like we'll have to leave it there. Tomorrow night we'll be bringing you the first exclusive interview with Barrabas. Just time to look at tomorrow's headlines: The Jerusalem Times leads with Government Clampdown on Heretical Sect. The Daily Herald reads “Messiah” Arrested! Prophet Doomed. The Financial Times has Market Recovers as Tables Turned on Preacher. The Zealot headlines with Radical Rabbi in Sentencing Shocker. The Sabbath Sport has Moses Is Alive and Living On Mount Carmel! That’s it for tonight. Shalom.