If you've ever been Live Role Playing at Renewal, then you might have met Sister Flossie The Mad Nun and her vegetable familiar, Clarence the Aubergine. Welcome to her world..... Who's this Sister Flossie bird then? Flossie and Albrecht drink to the power of EuroHike tents! Albrecht "Scorpion" Scarletti has kindly written this foreword in tribute to his decidedly addled chum. "Born in Albion, Flossie Smudge led a fairly uneventful life as a filthy peasant. To keep her family fed, watered and clothed, she was sold into marriage. Her spouse was to be a local nobleman - a duke. He had all the sex appeal of the pox and the social graces of a recently ploughed field. He also smelled bad (he probably had a small penis as well, not that it really mattered to our Flossie)." "On the wedding night, while the duke struggled to find his wedding tackle with a pair of tweezers, Flossie stabbed him to death then legged it. The duke's men gave chase, however, she was saved by the League of Rascals. Then the leader of this fashionable band, I took pity on her and made her my squire." "In 1092, I was accused of cowardice and, though my bravery was later proved, Gunther von Zeppelin had replaced me as leader of The League of Rascals and the damage was done. Flossie, disillusioned with her life as a squire, left to join holy orders - well, they were agnostic Nuns so I suppose they were partially holy. Unfortunately, her troubles were only just beginning." "The order of sisters she joined underwent a series of demonic possessions. Though they were exorcised, repossessed and exorcised again, the whole thing took its toll on the poor sisters. They did not know their true enemy until Flossie fell into a vegetable patch where she confronted the diabolical Herbert - a marrow so malicious it made her cry. If it had not been for a friendly aubergine leaping to her defence and giving her a comforting hug, she might still be in that vegetable patch today crying like a big girl with a skinned knee." "Now she was alert to the dangers of Herbert and his green paramour, Steve the Asparagus, with their legions of asparagus shaped asparagus. And so began the campaign of horror, terror and vegetables that continues even unto this day." "During a ritual in 1097, Sister Flossie invoked the power of Clarence and was given the power to strike fear into any piece of asparagus regardless of its colour, creed or vegetable orientation." "On the last day of Renewal, Sister Flossie is forced to transfer the spirit of Clarence the Aubergine from its limp, pale, shrivelling, much dropped husk to something more substantial - like a tea strainer or strangely hypnotic key ring. Sister Flossie's ritual varies from year to year but it usually involves a few incantations followed by beating the old husk to a messy pulp with a claw hammer while gleefully shrieking "bastard, bastard, bastard"."