There are several articles available here about Flossie's various friends. Click a link to be taken to the relevant article.
A Who's Who of Flossie's Friends
The Life Cycle Of Clarence the Aubergine
Before Clarence: Flossie's Life Before Nunhood
From left to right...
Sister No Mercy -a nun of the Order of the Immaculate Sadist. Be nice to her.
Sister Napalm, The Viet Nun - a veteran of no conflicts whatsoever, she leads the gallant armies of the nuns in basket making and vegecide. Her best friend is General Mortimer Beetroot - a keen strategist who is delicious in a light sauce with seafood cocktail.
Sister Bastard, The Blue Nun - a nun who everyone brings to parties but is left well alone.
Sister Peshwari, the Keema Nun - (sadly, not pictured) an exploding nun used to spread terror in built up vegetable patches.
The appearance at the Gathering, of my dear friend and fellow mage, Clarence The Aubergine, created much interest amongst many of our friends. Indeed, he has become something of a cult figure within the Steppe Treaty Alliance and even beyond. Perhaps this is an opportune moment to impart more details of the life and works of this truly great vegetable, and dispel any false assumptions you may hold about him.
1. Each mad nun has an icon and Clarence - proud, purple and shiny - is carried in my belt to advise, comfort and support me and play a key role in the execution of my healing powers. However, contrary to popular belief, our relationship is purely platonic. Sex, although forbidden to we nuns, is pleasure, but sex with an aubergine brings only pain.
2. Before important events such as The Gathering, Clarence goes on retreat to mentally prepare himself for the rigours ahead. This involves lengthy meditation within thecool cabinet at the noble Savacentre Of Bastledon until I collect him on the eve of the event.
3. By the final morning of The Gathering, Away from the life preserving force known as the refrigerator, Clarence's body is but a shrivelled shadow of its former glory (dropping him numerous times - especially in the lavatory - doesn't help). To protect the order, The League of Rascals, and our allies in battle, it is necessary for his spirit to be ceremonially passed into a more solid container (such as a metal tea strainer) to carry his soul through the conflict. His body is then sacrificed, a claw hammer reducing his husk to pulp and the recitation of the word "Bastard" with each hammer stroke ensuring his sprayed juice liberally anoints his followers.
We all know Sister Flossie, the League's very own Mad Nun as a gentle, if decidedly barking, purveyor of all things aubergine. However, if you think she has led a cloistered life you may be shocked at this tale of her chequered past!
Flossie Smudge was born a mere twenty years ago to a noble, but impoverished, family in the realm of Albion. She spent a happy childhood in the countryside, climbing trees, playing "Drow & Indians" and sacrificing Celts on hunting trips with her older siblings. But all this was soon to change!
Her parents were perpetually in debt and were eventually forced to sell the twelve year old Flossie to a wealthy landowner as his child bride. Young Flossie was horrified at the prospect of becoming the chattel of such an obese and uncouth tyrant (he made Albrecht appear decidedly anorexic in comparison) and plotted her escape. On their wedding night she sunk a dagger between her husband's porky ribs and, with virtue intact, fled the realm.
She spent the next year travelling through Erin and Lyonesse eking out a nomadic existence by running errands and performing the odd assassination on behalf of various great aristocratic households.
It wasn't until her travels brought her back to Albion that she encountered Albrecht and his friends. She was given employment by Albrecht and Fanny, his half-sister, as their squire. Over the years she became a trusted member of the League of Rascals acting as a bodyguard at the 1092 Gathering.
Her subsequent conversion to nunhood and membership of the Order of Mad Nuns has been well documented in Rapscallion (see Issue 3 to hear this scintillating story).
These days Flossie spends her time between Gatherings preaching the Word of the Aubergine and searching for a cheap exorcism. Her hobbies include teaching Clarence to play snooker, singing about tent pegs and trying to open doors with bananas.