ARTICLES
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"I should wish for everyone I love to be happy; that's more important than me not being a dog." [Lauren Laverne] 
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What song describes you best? 'Queen Bitch' by David Bowie. What is heaven? Being able to do what you want all the time. What is hell? Maths and physics. What is your earliest memory? Being pushed in a buggy wearing a plastic raincoat that had a little window in it for my face. We were going to pick up my brother at school. It was raining and I remember thinking, "Aha, it is raining but I am warm and dry." So my first memory is a feeling of smugness. It was the basis for the rest of my life. What is your greatest fear? Being alone. Who is your all-time hero? Mark E Smith. What's the most trouble you've been in? Marie and I got totally lost when we first moved to London. We were drunk in Shepherd's Bush and didn't know how to get home or use the tubes. But I've never been in real trouble because I never get caught. Who was the first love of your life? Primal Scream. What's your greatest talent? I can make my tongue ripple and my ears wiggle. Upon whom would you exact revenge, how and why? On anyone who hurts any of my family or who's nasty to Marie and Emmy. I'd like to have them killed. But usually I just hate people and that usually works. I've got a real wicked streak and I just will bad things to happen to people. It speeds karma and they always take a fall really soon. What's your most treasured possession? Three big frames that have loads of photos in them of everywhere I've been since I was born. What have you most regretted doing while drunk? Going up and talking to people I admire. Going off with horrible blokes. And in January I got really drunk and fell over, which I really regret now because I have a big scar on my leg and everyone always asks about it. What can you cook? I do brilliant mash. What's the best piece of advice you've received? When I was little my mum was always telling me, 'Live for today and do whatever makes you happy.' It's real hippy, child-of-the-60's advice, but it's good. Can you read music? A little. If you were invisible for a day, what would you do? I'd go everywhere scandalous that you're not usually allowed to go. I would go into people's houses and have a look round. I'd go into Downing Street and Parliament. And I'd go into the blokes' toilets and laugh at them. What are your final three wishes? To be content. To achieve everything I can. And to never be ugly. Although I guess I should wish for everyone I love to be happy; that's more important than me not being a dog. |
