1st MINI-MONTE 28th April-2nd May.
Driver: Ian Jones
Navigator: Phillip Stead
Car: Mini Clubman 1150GT Super Dooper Cooper Pooper
(Up to this point, messrs Jones and Stead, have spent months getting Peapod rebuilt to take part in the Mini-Monte, a run down to Monte Carlo, taking in the roads used for the stages for the Monte Carlo Rally.)
Day 4: Wednesday 1st May - Gap to Monte-Carlo (229 Miles)
At "Le petit dejeuner," I was getting rather excited about the days driving ahead.
Before we leave the car park, a special test, how close can you drive a Mini to a pole in front of you. In our case, 2 inches. (Joint 4th)
Leaving Gap in bright weather, the first col to be tackled was the Col de la Sentinelle, after this road we noted it as "Fast flowing roads, open bends & a few hairpins"- marvellous.
The route then took us over the Col de Fillys, which was a single track road up one side and down the other side of a hill, things were starting to get a bit silly, we overshot one hairpin going uphill! And then I was catching cars going downhill, most of whom wisely pulled over to let us through. Hooligans? Us?. Most of the morning passed, once more, in a blur, with far too many things to see, perhaps a walking holiday would be better to get a feel for the area.
3km south of Castellane, we turned off the N85 to take a small road past the Barrage de Chaudanne (A dam), there were a group of Minis parked here, with the crews gawping at the spectacle, so we decided to stop and join in the communal gawping. At this point, there is a ROAR, BARP, BANG type of noise of a well tweaked Turbo car. Sure enough, a Lancia HF Integrale came round the corner, with two pensioners in it. Seeing all the Minis , they pulled over to see what all the fuss was about.
The gentleman driving the Lancia was apparently, as far as our collective French could tell, a former "Champion of the Mountains," and after he'd looked over some of the 'S's saying "Mini, fine rally cars" we all decided to set off. After letting the Lancia go first. Sure enough, it took off like a rocket with the four Minis in hot pursuit. Once up to the top, the Lancia was well clear, only to be caught by the Minis going down the other side of the Col. If only all roads went downhill. And then we passed through a village with the narrowest main road I have ever seen, the locals were once again looking suitably bemused at the sight of a Lancia course opener and four Minis.
And then the scenery just gets better, just when we thought we had reached scenery overload, we got to St.Auban. The village itself huddles against the face of a mountain, but the road follows a narrow valley cut by the River Elsteron.
We stopped for a bite to eat and when we returned to the car, a little problem had appeared - with reinforcements. We were down to less than half a tank of petrol, probably about 40 miles worth. And little chance of a petrol station so far in the mountains. Phil wasn't worrying. I was. This worry was then forgotten about by another more pressing problem.
Rain -lots of it and the wipers have just jammed. It turns out that the very tips of the new blades are catching the windscreen seal, so I leapt out armed with a Stanley knife to trim the blades, leap back into the car and go screaming off up the road. It was really starting to rain heavily now, the roads were awash, chunks of mud are falling off the hillside, despite all the precipitation, the distributor has not drowned out, presumably because I used one of the Rally Plates as a water shield. This storm carried on for about ten minutes and stopped as suddenly as it started. We descended into another valley and crossed a bridge to pick up an "N" road. A mile down the road was a petrol station. I stopped worrying.
Next up was the Col du Turini, and the rain was back again. Here we were climbing the most famous rally stage in the world, and the windows are steaming up. The temperature outside is dropping and sure enough, the rain turned to hail. Lots of very heavy hail, it sounds like nature is attempting to shotblast my car. We are climbing the Col in second gear at Zero mph, as the wheels are spinning. We reach the summit where the hail has turned back to rain. I switch off the engine, and we look around, the Auberge de la Source is just down the road, with its extensive collection of rally photographs. As it was pissing it down we decide to forego visiting. We slither our way down the icy roads until we get below the snow line. Then I go bananas. The descent from the summit down to the town of Sospel was a heady mix of hairpins and fresh air 3rd and 4th gear bends - the fresh air was on Phil's side, so I never noticed. Leaving Sospel at the end of the col, I turned to Phil and enquired "Can you smell Beer?"
At this point, Phil just burst out laughing, not merely a chuckle, but the laugh of someone whose sanity mainspring has just gone twang. A beercan had burst, so we start taking all the beercans out of the car, trying to find the offending one, with Phil still laughing like a full bore loony.
The next col was the Col de Braus, where we were overtaken going uphill by two well tweaked Minis, one of them being a 1400. We got to the summit and noticed that despite the speed these two cars had gone past at, they hadn't got that far ahead on the downhill bit. So after taking a few brave pills we set off after them, and once we found a straight long enough, i.e. 200 yards, we overtook them again. Size isn't everything.
Eventually, we reached the village of La Turbie, and the descent to Monte. This road is the one you often see in films requiring Monte Carlo as a location, You know - Bond movies and the like and you would expect it to be bathed in glorious sunshine.
We were bathed in glorious fog!
At the bottom, a rattling noise has just started from the back. I got out to investigate, and found that one of the rear wheels had worked loose. To have retired with a missing wheel two miles from the finish would have been sooooo embarrassing. But I suppose that we can count ourselves lucky that it didn't fall off on the descent of the Turini.
After some 900 miles, we had reached the finish, and a night in Monte to come. As regards our overall position, we finished 28th overall, out of 50 starters. We could have been knocking on the door of the top ten if it wasn't for two missed clues and a better result on a couple of special tests, but life is all "ifs and buts" and after that magical last day, we could have finished last and it wouldn't have mattered.
We were stopping overnight in the Mirabeau hotel so we had a meal there. After the meal, it was time to find a bar, and where better than "Rosie's Bar" on the road up to Casino Square on the GP circuit, where the walls are covered with GP and rally photographs, rally plates and the like. And a bottle of "1664" could be had for £1.80.
Leaving the bar, it was time for a quick lap of the circuit. Which took an hour. Which is what you'd expect if you were pissed and walking the wrong way round.
Next day, there was time to kill between checking out and the presentation at the "Cafe de Paris." So we busied ourselves with sightseeing. We made our way to the reception, High life or what? Looking down into Casino Square from the roof garden. Following the presentation everyone said their goodbyes and all made their way back to the carpark.
And Home.
My thanks go to Phil Stead for being brave and foolish enough to navigate. My father and brother for the hours spent working on the car, to the organisers and our fellow competitiors for a real fun event, to those doubting Thomas's who reckoned that we'd be back home on the back of an AA wagon before the end of the event. And a big thank you to Peapod, who apart from the occasional hiccup, proved them all wrong.
Ian Jones