Driver: Ian Jones
Navigator: Andy Kirk
Car: Skoda Estelle 130L!
Sponsors: Bob's Roadrunner stickers make a great sunstrip.
Another year, another Club event. But why oh why put it on the same weekend as the Mini's 40th Birthday event? This meant that I had a bit of a dilemma. Go to the Mini Birthday party. Or tool around the back of the field in my Skoda. Or go and see the Manics, Blur et al at Stafford. Three choices.
So being sociable and knowing that the rest of TBC would also be there I decided that I'd do the club event. As Eddie had spent a great deal of time and effort in preparing his answerphone message in order to cope with the expected deluge of enquiries, and possibly having blown a good deal of his rallying budget on a new sofa from Habitat, the hunt was on for a navigator. Andy Kirk and Jayne had just bought a house so as he was already in a precarious financial position I decided to see if he was willing to stump up half the entry fee.
He was.
Mr Kirk has a fairly unique form of calling the route. He isn't simply a sack of spuds to sit in the passenger seat. Oh no. Last time out, he proved to be a laughing sack of potatoes. Visualise, if you can, Jeux sans frontieres, a large turntable, men in outsize penguin costumes. Now think of Stuart Hall commentating. That was Mr Kirk last time out.
Preparations went as they usually do. Too much to do, too little time. In the end. I got the car MOT'd, dropped the sump to discover that the only thing holding the sump baffle in place was sheer bloodymindedness, and Mr Kirk came round to help replace the headgasket as a precautionary measure. The respray and the bodywork would have to wait.
Although I washed the car. No point in giving Scrutineer a muddy car to moan about as well. Also arranged with Pete Boddy to drop my spares off at his house to load into the back of Clive Hilton's van and to follow Pete down to Manby in a convoy.
Bearing in mind that Pete still had his car in bits on the Friday morning, I was impressed with the fact that we drove straight to Manby non-stop. Normally, Pete would have to stop occasionally to top up or bolt bits back on. On this showing, I couldn't rely on Pete's car being unreliable.
Tents set up and a few pints & off to bed. All the usual stuff.
Next morning, the car actually started! It didn't last year..... So I was able to go and get the beast filled up. Clive had shown up with the van. And what a van it is. Now I'm used to servicing out of whatever we can lay our hands on, usually AJ's manky Transit or his less manky Sherpa. Clive's was like the TV Times. I never knew there was so much in it! Fully kitted out. Generator, compressor, airlines, rattle guns, pressure washer, workbench etc etc. It looked very professional. So much so, I want to marry him and have his babies!
To be honest, I was embarrassed to park my battered old rally car next to it. Didn't seem to bother Pete though!
And off to noise test. Just (?) passed. And then to see our scrutineering friend Mr Stockton. He didn't disappoint. His eyes rolled heavenwards when he saw the car & worked his way round it muttering something about "Bringing motorsport into disrepute" finally suggesting that perhaps it needs a respray. He still passed it.
Collected my TB's from AJ who had brought them up to Manby along with the marquee and returned to the service area.
Clive was busy running round changing wheels on the Favorit and then leapt on mine. Whoa boy! There's no stopping this guy once he gets started.
Stage 1: All tarmac. Took it fairly steadily as I usually do. Had to as the brakes were once more an unknown quantity. Last year, the pedal was rock hard and lacking in feel. Preparing the car for this year's Robin Hood, I fitted some road pads in order to provide better brake feel. At the MOT' we replaced a seized rear cylinder and bled the whole system through. Brakes fixed. But somewhere between March and now, I'd managed to lose the Mintex 171's. So the road pads were still in. Worked better than expected in lasting a whole 1 1/2 laps before fading. 2nd slowest. Overtook the Mk2 Escort that started in front of us. Pete took 1:09 out of us.
Stage 2: As Stage 1. Chicanes were wonderful, not requiring you to have the turning circle of a Taxi Cab or a Triumph Herald. The old service area was made into a complex of various corners, chicanes and permutations thereof. I noticed something was amiss though. "Andy;" said I "We're catching that Cosworth!" We were reeling in this 2WD Cosworth, at least until we got on the main straght. Bugger. The Mark 2 that had started behind us, hove into view at the start of the Service Area complex just as we were leaving it so I kept one eye on the rear view mirror. Never saw it again.....Slowest. Not enough corners. Pete takes 0:50 out of us.
I discovered after the event that AJ had been dispatched to collect the Mk2 that had started after us on SS2. She'd blown the engine to smithereens and was still hyped up when Andy got there.
"I was trying to catch that beige Skoda."
"What, my brother?"
" "
Stage 3: Mixed stage now. Can't remember much about about it. Mr Kirk has been fairly quiet up to this point. Once we got onto the loose, he turns into a different beast, every jump, every stepping out of the back of the car is accompanied by a load "YAHOO". Although Pete breaks down in the stage, Banger does a masterly bodge job on the knackered rotor arm and they only drop 28 seconds to us. The Favorit is now starting to leak fluids from all possible joints. I have to replace a bolt that has dropped out of the back panel.
Stage 4: As Stage 3: Pete takes his dropped time back. With 30 seconds interest. He started his second lap just as we started the stage. Carlton members were thus treated to the spectacle of the two TBC Skodas with a short invisible towrope between them. At least until we left the twisty stuff and onto the main straight. Pete comes up after that stage to enquire why we were dropping a minute a stage to him if we can keep up with him in the twisty stuff. I pointed out his 20HP and at least 50 Kilo weight advantage when he got onto the straight. I felt pretty good about that.
Stage 5: This was a 100% loose stage. Changed onto knobblies, mostly to give us something to do. Pete only (!) gained another 21 seconds out of us on this stage. Possibly something to do with the stage being very tight and twisty. We managed 3rd slowest time that stage. An improvement.
Stage 6: Back to a mixed surface stage. Everyone else comes in and change to inters etc. Out we go again. This time I have to pull over on the loose to let an Astra through, followed shortly after by a Sunbeam. A few corners later we encounter the two cars parked in a surprise puddle. Oh and in each other! We snuck through on the inside much to the amusement of the spectators. Accompanied by much "YAHOO." After the stage, we discover that Pete and Banger have spent yonks sat on top of an earth bank at the Watersplash. Losing 1:39 to us. By now, it was also apparent that it would be a case of whether they would finish the event before they ran out of gear oil. Took time out of a 205 Rallye too.
Stage 7: Oh dear, this is where it all went horribly wrong. For Pete that is. They lost another 2 minutes 20 seconds parked on top of another mound. I blotted my copybook with a "slight half spin too wide understeer all at the same time kind of moment" just as I noticed the Ka in my mirror. It must have concentrated the mind as we then opened up a healthy gap between us and them over the rest of the loose. Beat the 205 as well.
Cleaned the windows.
Stage 8: And there's Pete and Richard's arse's being displayed at the side of the stage, shouldn't they be in the Favorit? The Fav was parked up at the side of the stage and they were giving us their customary salute. Obviously retired. Unfortunately, not so retiring. We carried on - beat the 205 again, as well as a Mini. We thought we'd get into the swing of this working on the car lark by refuelling using some of Pete's petrol.
Stage 9: Last two stages were all tarmac with a bit of grass thrown in. Brakes have at least stabilised by now so were able to go for it a bit more on these stages. Took time out of the 205 again. And a slow Cossie.
Stage 10: 4th slowest on that stage. Finished 27th overall and last, 6th in class. But with Pete retiring and Kelvin/Wayne Knowles and Steve Shephard/Ant Brackner both picking up class awards, this left the way clear for us to pick up the Best Carlton award.
Just for a change. And Mr Hodges can't moan about this one.
Still, it'll look good on the Kirk mantlepiece.
I had commiserated with Pete for another retirement, as I believed that I had been beaten well and truly by him. It wasn't until I got the results through that I discovered that he was actually 1:09 behind us when he retired. A fable involving a Hare and a Tortoise springs to mind. One day, he will defeat me. Heavily.
My thanks to Andy & Jayne, Pete & Banger for the competition, Clive for the van, Louise, Tom and Paula for heckling /spectating, Richard Lumb for showing up with an efficient flying finish crew and a whole car's worth of spares if need be. The Organisers, the "Nadbusters" and Marshals for making the event possible.
Just a shame there weren't more entries.
Ian Jones