So, yet again, this government has revealed itself to be unconscionably illiberal in its approach to the private lives of British subjects. Not content with interfering with our right to drive our cars, to prevent our sons having gay sex, to sack lazy workers, to live free of economic migrants and our right to defend ourselves in our homes, they have now decided to take away our rights to simple country pursuits on the grounds of animal rights.

What about our rights? Apparently, the fox 'suffers stress' when being chased. Well, I suffer stress whenever I see the Prime Minister's self-satisfied grin on the television, but no one from the liberal elite has come to my defence by banning the Cabinet.

The fox hunting ban is a slightly thicker piece of the thin end of the wedge that started, in its thinness as it were, with allowing trade unionists to take over our national security at GCHQ. And it seems that almost any pursuit, beloved by the Government's enemies, might be banned on some tenuous connected to the communistic 'greater good'.

If I choose to drive two miles to work every morning in my Rolls Royce, surely that is my choice?^* But this government, knowing that a greater proportion of Conservative supporters will have large cars, legislates against them. If I choose to employ my domestic staff at what I consider to be market rates, then that is my choice. But this government knows that all sensible employers are against them, and weighs us down with the minimum wage. Persecution, that's all it is. Where is the bill limiting the amount of money a trade union can charge for membership?

And now they have decided to ban hunting with hounds because of animal welfare. I fear it is only a matter of time before they turn their attention to my own hobby, and ban it for the same reasons. I refer, of course, to the popular sport of gerbil stamping.

I would like to make one thing clear. Gerbils are just glorified mice, and everyone knows that mice are vermin. Therefore, the Gerbil population must, somehow, be kept to a minimum. Releasing twenty of the little buggers into an empty swimming pool and then stamping on them until they are all dead is far more humane than most of the alternatives, such as gassing them (which is rather dull), or shooting them, which unfortunately makes them explode.

If I choose to spend my weekends, with hundreds of friends and colleagues, crushing tiny rodents underfoot, once again that is my business. Any legislation against it would be unenforceable (what police force has time to stop me sneaking a small bag of gerbils to a secret location and stamping on them there, I would ask?), and might well contravene my human rights (I will not refer to the European Human Rights Act, since I am not entirely sure what a 'European Human' is). All this would be is yet another example of this arrogant, out of touch government persecuting its enemies. The Gerbil population will explode, there will be a national shortage of sunflower seeds, and democracy will crumble. Mark my words.