Poems in a Dark Time

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0 height="100%"><tr> <td valign="top" width=200 BGCOLOR="#003333" TEXT="#F7F7FF" background="12ad4c00dduajq.gif"> <div> <TABLE BORDER="0" CELLPADDING="2" CELLSPACING="0" WIDTH="95" BORDERCOLORLIGHT="#C0C0C0" BORDERCOLORDARK="#808080" FRAME="BOX" RULES="ALL" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" > <tR> <tD VALIGN=TOP HEIGHT= 46 WIDTH="91"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="46" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="91" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></tD> </tR> </TABLE></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="stan hedges homepage"><U>Return to Homepage</U></A></div> <div>  <A NAME="top"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></div> <div> <IMG SRC="141462c0.jpg" border=0 width="70" height="44" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> email:</div> <div>  sonoflawrence@yahoo.co.uk</div> <div> (Not live link. Copy & Paste)</div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id5_alphabetical_list.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" poetry collection"><U>For complete list of poems</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id5_alphabetical_list.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" poetry collection"><U>CLICK here</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U><B>Miscellaneous Poems</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U><B>Recent Poems </B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U><B>Poems of Reflection</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id116.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Introspection"><U><B>Poems of Introspection</B></U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U><B>Poems in a Dark Time </B></U></A></div> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="alphabetical_list"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id114_a_small_request_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>A small request</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_a_virgin_soldier_at_dawn.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>A Virgin Soldier at Dawn</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_an_old_poet_with_highs_and_lows_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U> An old poet with highs and lows</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_and_he_answered_thus.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>And He answered thus</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_andrew_walker___in_memoriam.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Andrew Walker</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_any__umberellas_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U>Any 'Umberellas'</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_beethoven_s_violin_concerto.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Beethoven Sonnet</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114_blood_letting.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>Blood-letting</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_blues_for_the_muse.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Blues for the muse</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_caravella_tours____portugal_s_best_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Caravella Tours</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id116_children_in_a_playground_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Introspection"><U>Children at play </U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_cool_man_cool.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Cool, man, cool</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115_m.htm#dawn_at_the_disco" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U>Dawn at the disco</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_divine_adultery.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Divine adultery</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_emma_is_leaving.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Emma is leaving</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114_few_things_are_constant.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>Few Things are Constant</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114_freudian_insight.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>Freudian insight</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id116_hope_springs_____1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Introspection"><U>Hope Springs</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_in_defence_of_mediocrity.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>In defence of mediocrity</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114_last_words_of_a_romantic.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>Last Words of a Romantic</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115_m.htm#lie_fallow" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U>Lie fallow</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_municipal_dwellings.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U>Municipal dwellings</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_my_darling_lucy_lou.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>My darling Lucy-Lou</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id116_ode_of_a_humpty_grumpty__1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Introspection"><U>Ode of a Humpty Grumpty</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_on_glances_from_a_young_girl.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>On glances from a girl</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_on_parting_from_ziggy.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>On parting from Ziggy</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115_m.htm#on_self_pity_" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U>On self-pity</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114_once_upon_a_merry_moon.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>Once upon a merry moon</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_our_wish__for_emma_and_richard.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U>Our Wish for Emma...</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115_m.htm#so_near_a_saint_" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U>So near a saint</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115_m.htm#thank_you_for_the_note" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U>Thank you for the note</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id116_the_continuum_1.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Introspection"><U>The continuum</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_the_first_death_sentence.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U>The first death sentence</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id114_the_pantheist_meets_his_brother.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Poems of Reflection"><U>The pantheist</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_the_poet_s_new_clothes.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U>The poet's new clothes</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id112_the_spoils_of_war_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Recent Poems"><U>The spoils of war</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_this_sleep_of_love_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>This sleep of love</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_thoughts_in_a_college_garden.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Thoughts in a college garden</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id115_m.htm#to_a_wife_unknown" TARGET="TRLX_Middle" TITLE="Poems in a Dark Time "><U>To a wife unknown</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_valediction_.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Valediction</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_we_had_our_quarrels_you_and_i.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>We had our quarrels...</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_what_is_needless_to_say.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>What is needless to say</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id125_wingless_with_the_birds__.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Miscellaneous"><U>Wingless with the birds</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="id5_top.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" poetry collection"><U>Return to Top</U></A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="stan hedges homepage"><U>Return to Homepage</U></A></div> </td> <td valign="top" BGCOLOR="#FFFBF0" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <I><B>Poems in a Dark Time</B></I></div> <div> <B><IMG SRC="18b5e030.gif" border=0 width="350" height="3" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></B></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <A NAME="on_self_pity_"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>On self-pity </B></FONT></div> <div> (Torbay Hospital, 1966)</div> <bR> <div> Unbelievable.  A single word, </div> <div> unguarded,</div> <div> one unguarded word,</div> <div> leaves the tongue, </div> <div> and all we've known and loved most dear</div> <div> turns to shocking decay. </div> <bR> <div> Now this midden; </div> <div> this dunghill of remorse,</div> <div> while, as I lay here, body broken,</div> <div> I crave only to sleep.</div> <bR> <div> Is it thus we learn that, </div> <div> 'if conscience doth make cowards of us all',</div> <div> those asleep must be the brave?</div> <bR> <div> No, I said (though I loved her still),</div> <div> and a silence fell.  Such dreadful silence.</div> <div> That is…, I added, That is… </div> <div> Well, not in the way </div> <div> that I think that you mean. </div> <bR> <div> So easily the vase is shattered.</div> <bR> <div> It's the way we learn that nothing </div> <div> quells the hungry conscience </div> <div> while it gnaws to the very bone of being, </div> <bR> <div> And there's no forgiveness when others say it.</div> <div> It's our very own devil; </div> <div> proxies given short shrift.  </div> <bR> <div> No doubt many a hanged man </div> <div> knows better words for self-immolation; </div> <div> how we seek some soothing balm to cool </div> <div> our blistering good intents.</div> <bR> <div> There's no quiet bower here, </div> <div> no `sleep full of sweet dreams, </div> <div> and health, and quiet breathing….'</div> <bR> <div> Like Tantalus, reaching </div> <div> for that unguarded moment just beyond reach, </div> <div> must I perpetually tread its rotten fruit?</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <A NAME="so_near_a_saint_"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>So Near a Saint </B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> You seemed so near a saint that, </div> <div> seeing a fledgling fallen, broken, </div> <div> hard upon the ground,</div> <div> your heart was rent.</div> <div> And in your face I saw you mourn, </div> <div> and not just for Spring's dilution. </div> <bR> <div> And I see that windmill even now,</div> <div> all black against the summer sky,</div> <div> its sails blown through,</div> <div> black crows carping in all its bones.</div> <div> Still I feel your melancholy sigh,</div> <div> like the ghost of winter's moan,</div> <div> as you wept in silence for its shame,</div> <div> all high upon that hilltop day.</div> <bR> <div> When a moth beat breathless at our glass</div> <div> in dread of cold descending night,</div> <div> you thought to give it warmth and light.</div> <div> You opened out the moon-splashed pane</div> <div> and brought it home, to death; then cried.</div> <div> There was no mystery why I loved you.</div> <bR> <div> Enough said.</div> <bR> <div> Little felt your infant bird, soon dead,</div> <div> though you wept to see its blood run wet;</div> <div> and windmills need no woman's crying, </div> <div> or giddy moths a flame to die in,</div> <div> yet now you cannot see me through the ice,</div> <div> nor hear my faint, unending scream;</div> <div> cannot see me staring still, amazed, uncomprehending.</div> <div> Truly then, you were no saint, </div> <div> nor I a godless sinner.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="lie_fallow"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>Lie fallow</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> Though her fond smell lingers still,</div> <div> she's left a sad taste, that one.</div> <div> Seed, old friend, moulder within;</div> <div> lie fallow; ignore all sentient being;</div> <div> become traitor to their touch,</div> <div> heart's frailty and mind's illusions; </div> <div> when any speaks of beauty, </div> <div> fail me and lie still.</div> <bR> <div> Sleep. Be calm. </div> <div> Sleep till that day</div> <div> when pride, resentment, </div> <div> fear, and dull self-pity,</div> <div> are run their allotted course,</div> <div> wrought their havoc once again,</div> <div> and I love woman as she is: </div> <div> strong in purpose, </div> <div> deceiving to be just,</div> <div> and as vulnerable to her fate</div> <div> as any mortal man. </div> <div> Then let me love one more,</div> <div> for I must.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <A NAME="to_a_wife_unknown"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>To a wife unknown</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> It staggers the heart, it is so lonely.</div> <div> A man with sense enough </div> <div> would break ties with love; </div> <div> sleep without thoughts </div> <div> concerning what if he wakes </div> <div> to find himself weeping.</div> <bR> <div> Is it the light that blinds me? </div> <div> Is there somewhere </div> <div> an undiscovered glade </div> <div> where dreams come easy, </div> <div> where she waits within </div> <div> some blinding luminescence?</div> <bR> <div> And this woman, </div> <div> proud, but without pride,</div> <div> will she take what's offered</div> <div> between mothering breast and hand, </div> <div> using only nature's tongue </div> <div> to soothe a delirious man;</div> <div> loving only the reason that he cries, </div> <div> or the wonder that he wakes at all?</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div> <B> <A NAME="dawn_at_the_disco"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A></B><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>Dawn at the Disco</B></FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <div> Each is with no one and no one is touching.</div> <div> In the language of eons, we make display.  </div> <div> We call it dancing. We call it, 'having a good time'. </div> <div> It's the way we meet people; </div> <div> yet talk is useless, </div> <div> and shouting lacks a certain something.</div> <bR> <div> Now dawn arrives, Aurora of old.</div> <div> She glides through the iron-grill of the cosy door </div> <div> that's blocked out the world till now,</div> <div> slinks to the floor, silent and smooth, </div> <div> stealthy as a cat, snaking, slanting, </div> <div> and then rises to begin her diurnal strip. </div> <bR> <div> One by one, without demur, </div> <div> without fanfare or ceremony,</div> <div> and all amid the thunder, </div> <div> she removes each perfume-misted garment</div> <div> in preparation for her dance.</div> <bR> <div> The garland from her saffron hair, </div> <div> the girdle of gold from serpentine hips, </div> <div> bangles and bracelets from wrists and ankles, </div> <div> and the air is wreathed in rainbows of escaping breath </div> <div> as she swoops to each corner of the room. </div> <bR> <div> You sense violets, thyme, wild rose, woodbine; </div> <div> hear songbirds wake in far off spinneys - </div> <div> first the blackbird, then the thrush, </div> <div> and, last of all, the linnet.</div> <bR> <div> The dancers continue their display </div> <div> without hint of recognition,</div> <div> and your ghoul returns to whisper:</div> <div> 'Still you're with no-one, and no-one is touching.'</div> <bR> <div> You alone watch as she collects her things </div> <div> and returns to the door, </div> <div> trudging like a forlorn child dragging </div> <div> a moth-eaten teddy-bear.</div> <div> You follow. But none sees you leave, </div> <div> nor hears your moan;</div> <div> though all are sobbing, none is listening. </div> <div> Each is with no-one and no-one is touching.</div> <bR> <div> Once more you wake outside; </div> <div> still utterly alone, still utterly confused; </div> <div> loving only the dawn.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <div>  <A NAME="thank_you_for_the_note"><IMG BORDER="0" SRC="1x1.gif" HEIGHT="1" ALIGN="bottom" WIDTH="1" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0" ></A><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#000066" FACE="Times New Roman" ><B>Thank you for the note</B></FONT></div> <bR> <div> This note you've left me,</div> <div> the sum of all things;</div> <div> too much love to wake me,</div> <div> too much care to hate me,</div> <div> as you know you should.</div> <bR> <div> I'll walk and feed the dogs</div> <div> and cut the grass.</div> <div> Emma will get my tea.</div> <div> It says it all.</div> <bR> <div> Well, I've screwed on this head for the day, </div> <div> though there's no one in it still,</div> <div> no one as you'd care to know;</div> <div> no one as I'd care to introduce you to;</div> <div> nor bring in out of the rain.</div> <bR> <div> Yes, I'll make the bed, dear,</div> <div> while still canoodling with Calliope,</div> <div> and I'll wash up the few things </div> <div> you've left on the side.</div> <div> And after I've walked Parnassus, </div> <div> I'll clean my teeth;</div> <div> but no more than that today; no shave.</div> <div> (And you won't say a thing).</div> <div> I'll change underpants, of course;</div> <div> though it's unimportant in Elysium.</div> <div> No sweat, no snow, no clouds, no rain.</div> <bR> <div> I won't read Kant again; he led a sheltered life.</div> <div> But there's too much 'Thou shalt not...' for me.</div> <div> And Rousseau was right: </div> <div> I die no freer than all the rest. </div> <bR> <div> After all, there never was an acceptable me.</div> <div> At least, I never found him. </div> <div> You tried harder than most.</div> <div> Perhaps you held him for a while,</div> <div> your fingers burning. </div> <bR> <div> Tell God to think again next time;</div> <div> that to be the gentle savage</div> <div> is to be despised. </div> <div> And, darling, </div> <div> remember to close the fanlight,</div> <div> in case of rain.</div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <DIV ALIGN="LEFT"></DIV> <div> <A HREF="id54.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="some favourite poems"><U>Poems I wish I'd written</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id132.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Autobiography"><U>Memoir of early life</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id61.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE=" selection of Short Stories"><U>Short stories</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id15.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="epitaphs Id die for! "><U>Epitaphs I'd die for</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id16.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="miscellany"><U>Miscellany</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id18.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="about me"><U>About the author</U></A></div> <div>  </div> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="stan hedges homepage"><U><B>Return to Home Page</B></U></A></div> <bR> <bR> <div> Visitors are welcome to use anything on this site for their own personal use. However,  please note that personal copyright is reserved on my own creative material, which may not be copied for redistribution to third parties without prior written consent. </div> <div> © S. T. Hedges <FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#9933CC" FACE="Times New Roman" >2007</FONT></div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>