Music
Tone's letter to Radio 4
Dear Radio 4I am writing to ask whether me and my friend Matthew can do us a radio show on your station. I have listened to some of your shows on a portable radio that belongs to Matthew's dad and thought they were alright some of them. Some were a bit too boring but me and Matthew could put an end to that. Matthew is a serious actor well-suited to a station of your magnitude. Together we have come up with some very good ideas for action-based radio that will leave your listeners begging for more.
Idea 1
Cops versus King Kilimanjaro. We star as two coppers operating just outside the law having been banned for killing a corrupt Prince. Together we infiltrate a crime syndicate run by King Kilimanjaro and force him to eat lead sucker.
Idea 2
This is Matthew's one that needs a bit of work - Bruce Forsythe's Hay Hay Hay! Brucie presents a show from a haystack. The winner gets to fire an air gun at a random animal. Which one will it be? I don't know. As I say I'm not sure about that one.
Idea 3
Fool's Gold. A lone and maverick policeman called Graham Gold has both his legs chopped off by a samuri warrior. He is forced to hire a sidekick to do his leg-work. He is called Leggy Biryani and obeys his every order but also has a mind of his own. For the pilot episode Mr Gold sends Leggy down a coal mine in search of a vicar turned bad. However the vicar has a comprehensive knowledge of the underground cave system and Leggy does not. Mr Gold spends hours at the top of the mine shaft shouting directions to Leggy. Meanwhile the vicar escapes and marries a prostitute in secret. Their plans are scuppered when the vicar at the service turns out to be none other than Leggy covered in soot. From the pulpit Mr Gold announces his intentions of shooting him with his vintage derringer that he treasures. Gotcha vicar!
Idea 4
Vermin Wars. The planet has been populated by rats who have learnt to talk and have their own transport system. One of the rats has a human head and commands absolute respect from the others. Another rat, which is a real rat, doesn't do anything the intelligent rats tell it to. Eventually this rat rises to the top of the tree just through pig-headed stupidity and bravado and things go back to normal living in cellars and that.
Idea 5
Handy Andy. Sergeant Andy Parks is a retired Army Sergeant living in Devon enjoying tea, riding his bike and having cake with his wife and the vicar. His idyllic life is shattered when an asteroid crashes to earth destroying his home. An enraged Andy disappears into the woods and emerges all covered in black stuff and vows to kill everyone he sees. His son Colin returns from Oxford University where he is doing a City & Guilds to discover his dad has gone mad and vows to stop his dad embarrassing himself. Too late, Sergeant Andy Parks kills an innocent school teacher with a stick then sets off to the Moors to have a barbecue and smoke some spliffs with this bloke. Colin follows his dad through some undergrowth to a pond where he sees him taking pot shots at ducks with a machine gun. Luckily Colin knows the terrain and he fells a giant willow tree with his pen knife which falls on his dad, restoring his state of mind to normal. It's all been a bit much for them both and they have a laugh about it down the pub. But what about the school teacher? Well dad I'm sure you can lick them kids in to shape. Quick smart. Attention!!!!
That's our ideas. Let us know will yer. If you want it come and get it.
love Tone