Greetings, reader number ! Thanks for your interest!

This story is the third and final. It is recommended that you read The Challenge first, followed by Battle Lines.

Disclaimer:

Now for the boring stuff.

We've all heard it, read it, know it by heart, and can recite it in our sleep…

The fact is, Paramount and its parent company Viacom own the entire Star Trek Universe and its characters. Paramount/Viacom do not, however, own the imaginations of the fans, of which I am one. No copyright infringement is intended.

The stories I write are for my enjoyment, and now that I've gotten the guts to publish a couple on the internet, for the enjoyment of other fans like myself.

Rating:

This story is rated NC-17 for adult situations. So if you're under age 18, you cannot read this. Find another story to occupy your time.

Miscellaneous:

Comments are always welcome.

Please respect my copyright of this story and do not publish, reprint or distribute publicly without my permission. In addition, if you'd like to write a sequel, please notify me first.

Dedication:

We are all on a journey to our own Alpha Quadrant. Hopefully, this will make the journey a little easier to bear.

This story is respectfully submitted to all the friends I have yet to meet.

Once again, my eternal thanks to my editors in chief, Ghostwriter and Siobhan for their help. You've been wonderful!

Sit back and enjoy….

Live Long and Prosper my friends…

Sweet Victory

Written by Cheryl E. Moore

3/15/98

********

His eyes were still closed as a tear fell softly down his cheek and fell against Kathryn's forehead. She was nestled into the curve of his neck, smiling peacefully, as he thought to himself, "By all the Gods in heaven! Think about what you've done to this woman! She's fought Heaven and Hell to save your life, and then you shut her out of it because you couldn't move your legs! How stupid could you possibly be!"

He'd been foolish, stubborn, and too full of his arrogant pride these last four days. He'd put his friends, the Doctor, and his beloved Kathryn through Hell. And for what? Four days of loneliness, and a wounded ego.

Kathryn had crossed the battle lines of Heaven and Hell to save him from his pride and he would not surrender to it, nor to the grief consuming him at this very moment… not now… not ever again. In her arms, he was whole….

The thought kept resounding in his head. He had to believe that. He had to make Kathryn believe that. He tightened his hold around her, never wanting this moment to end.

********

Their bodies glistened in the illumination of the heavens above them as they lay there gasping for breath, entwined in each other's arms, reveling in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

The tears fell as he held her tighter and gazed at the heaven she had re-created on the holodeck. He was truly in heaven whenever he was in her arms, but no more than right now. Kathryn had re-created their 'place of heaven' so that she could make him whole again. And for a brief moment of eternity, he had been. He loved her so much! He loved her so much it hurt…. Chakotay nuzzled her cheek and hair, softly whispering his words of love to her. "Our place of heaven…. Ours to remember for an eternity, my love…."

Kathryn shifted slightly at the sound of his voice. Their passion had left her in a dream state as she laid on top of him, breathing deeply as the aftershocks subsided and her body stilled. Tears of happiness were streaming down her face. She had made him whole…. She had made them whole…. They were one….

She raised up slightly to gaze into those dark pools, and study his expression. She repeated the words as softly as he had spoken them. "Ours to remember for an eternity, my love. Oh Chakotay! My love for you is so immense, I can only hope to show you a portion of it. I love you so much. I love you…."

His mouth covering hers once again, in a passionate and hungry kiss, cut off her words. She started to shift, but he held her tighter. "Sshh, Kathryn…. Just lie here in my arms. I want to feel your body next to mine. Your heart beating next to mine. I don't ever want this moment to end. Please…." His gaze betrayed him, and he closed his eyes suddenly.

Her eyes darkened and she gently rolled off of him onto her right side. Her left arm and leg still across his body. Her tears stilled as fear overcame her. She moved her hand to his upper thigh and gazed into his face. "Chakotay?"

He tensed. He couldn't feel her hand, yet he knew where she had placed it. The scientist in her, always questioning, always exploring…. He sighed as he thought to himself, "Damn you Kathryn, why can't you leave well enough alone." A tear fell down his cheek and he slowly opened his eyes, turning his face towards hers. He forced a smile to his lips as he spoke. "Please Kathryn…. No more talk. Just stay in my arms forever."

She studied him for a moment. Something wasn't right. "Are you all right?"

He raised his hand to her cheek. As she kissed his palm tenderly, he sighed. "I'm fine. You were right Kathryn… in heaven, anything is possible…. Separately we are only halves. Together we are whole. We are truly one for an eternity."

She gazed into his darkened eyes as she pressed her hand against his thigh and dug her fingernails into his skin. He didn't flinch. Her heart sank, as her eyes betrayed her. She struggled to breathe, as a cry of anguish escaped her lips. "No…!" The tears burst forth and she buried her head against him. Her dreams shattered by the realization that her hand fell on dead nerves. "No! It was supposed to be all right! It wasn't supposed to be like this!"

Chakotay wrapped his arms around her tighter and pulled her close, nuzzling her against his neck as he whispered to her. Tears fell freely and dampened her hair as he stroked it. "Do not grieve my love… Once again, we had a beautiful moment in 'our place of heaven' and I will never forget it. Your unconditional love for me gave me something, that only days ago, I thought would be lost forever. I never imagined it could be like that again, and I was angry at everyone and especially you, because of it. But now, as I lie here next to you, feeling your body pressed so close against mine, feeling your breath, your heart beating next to mine… I am truly in heaven. For in your arms, I am now, and always will be, whole." He put his hand under her chin to raise her tear stained face to his. He gently wiped away a tear and a wet strand of hair, as he gazed into her eyes. Ever so slowly, he lowered his lips to hers as he whispered softly. "For that, I thank you, with all the passion I have in my soul. For that, I love you, more now than I could've ever imagined. Kathryn… my love…."

********

Their tears mixed as they kissed once more. Their exhausted bodies, now strained by raw emotions, slowly succumbed to sleep, as they cried, tightly holding onto each other, and to their memories of their 'place of heaven'. They were afraid…fearful of what the coming hours would reveal…the truth…and the anguish that truth would bring. Paralysis.

********

Kathryn slowly stirred as she felt Chakotay's breathing quicken. She raised her head up and looked into his face. She sighed thankfully that he was sleeping peacefully, and probably dreaming. Dreaming of what? Their 'place of heaven'? Their brief moments together? As a man and a woman? Tears welled in her eyes as she studied his still and sleeping form. Her heart was breaking. Why couldn't the feeling in his legs returned for good? Why only for that brief moment? Why!?

Her lips quivered as she reached for her robes and gently covered Chakotay with one of them. Against the iridescence of the cloth, his bronze coloring seemed to glow, radiate even, and she felt like she was looking into the face of an angel. She slowly knelt next to him, taking his hand in hers, as she kissed him tenderly on the lips. "Oh Chakotay…my love… I am here… I will never leave you. Not now…not ever. You must never fear that. No matter what the future holds, I will always stay by your side. For without you, I am incomplete."

She gazed around her at the 'heaven' she had created. Her heart seemed to shatter into a thousand pieces as she gazed back down at her beloved. They had shared a moment in time once again…in their 'place of heaven'. She lowered her head in sorrow. This time, however, their place of heaven would forever be marred by the memory that he was still paralyzed. Her lips quivered. "Computer. Deactivate program." Tears streamed down her cheeks as she slowly hit the comm badge, her voice betraying the grief consuming her soul. "Janeway to Paris. Two for transport to Sickbay."

********

They had been waiting impatiently for over four and a half hours. B'Elanna had been pacing furiously for well over an hour. "What's taking so long?!"

Tom sighed. His half-Klingon lover could be so impatient at times. "Relax! Obviously the Captain is taking her time. Remember, she wanted this moment to be perfect."

B'Elanna slammed her fist down on the transporter console. "I know that damn it! I helped her write the damned thing, remember!" She raised her hand to her lips. "Maybe we should go check on them."

"Oh no! I'm not spending the next seventy years cleaning out the Jeffries Tubes! Which is exactly what I'll be doing if we interrupt the Captain and the Commander while… well…you know…"

B'Elanna was exasperated. "Oh Tom! Really! We both know exactly what they're doing! They're having…making…well, you know."

"Ah huh… See… you can't even say it yourself. If I didn't know…" His words were cut off by the chirp of his comm link. They both froze. "Janeway to Paris. Two for transport to Sickbay." Tom hit his badge as he frowned at B'Elanna. "Acknowledged." His hands glided over the control panel as he sighed heavily.

B'Elanna gasped, as her shoulders sagged from the grief she heard in her Captain's voice. "Something's happened. Something's wrong." She turned suddenly and started for the doors.

Tom grabbed her shoulders and turned her around sharply. "B'Elanna! Control yourself! You don't know that!"

B'Elanna gazed into his eyes. They betrayed him. "You heard her voice. You know it too."

Tom eased his hold. "Then, we've got to be strong about this. They'll need us." He gulped and closed his eyes. B'Elanna was right. The Captain's voice had betrayed what he and B'Elanna had feared. Chakotay was still paralyzed….

********

The transporter haze slowly ebbed as the Doctor came forward hurriedly, and most notably irritated. As he scanned the tricorder along Chakotay's sleeping form, he couldn't hide his frustration with the Captain. "I'm not going to ask where you've been Captain. I know that! But may I ask as to what in God's name prompted you to do such a thing?! Didn't you realize the risk you were taking?!"

Kathryn could only gaze at Chakotay's still body. Even in his sleep, his hand was clasped firmly in hers. Memories of their brief time on the holodeck were flooding her mind, and she barely heard the doctor. "I'm sorry… What did you say?"

He closed the tricorder and frowned at her. "Captain!" He couldn't control his anger with her. She'd stepped over the line this time. Too far over the line. Chakotay was still his patient. No matter how much the Captain loved her First Officer, she had thrown caution to the wind with the stunt she had just pulled. He was furious with her. Captain Kathryn Janeway had just endangered the life of his patient, and for what… a brief physical interlude? He turned on her vehemently. "Do you realize what you've just done?! This little escapade of yours may well have cost the Commander any hope of a complete or even partial recovery! He may never regain the use of his legs!" He gripped her shoulders and shook her.

Her face turned pale at the sound of his words. She gasped and raised her hands to her lips. Her eyes widened as fear gripped her very soul. "But I…" Kathryn's body became limp in the Doctor's hands. His words were resounding through her head. "Do you realize what you've just done?! He may never regain the use of his legs!"

"There can be no 'butt's' Captain. Just what were you thinking?! Not only did you risk complete paralysis with that stunt, you could've killed him! This is an act of an irrational woman, and I've a mind to relieve you of your command!"

He felt a hand grip his leg, and glanced down to see Chakotay staring at him through darkened eyes.

Chakotay's eyes, betraying the fear consuming him, despite his best efforts to believe otherwise, narrowed at the Doctor's grip on Kathryn's shoulders. His voice was full of venom as he spoke. "You will do no such thing. Now, let go of her Doctor."

*What she had just done…. What she had just done….* The words cut her to the core. She suddenly felt faint and nauseous. She looked at the Doctor then to Chakotay. In an instant, she read Chakotay's eyes as they betrayed his emotions. She froze. He did blame her for his paralysis afterall. Her eyes welled with tears as they betrayed the guilt and fear consuming her. She gazed into his eyes. "Oh God! Chakotay! I'm so sorry!" She broke the Doctor's hold and fled the Sickbay without looking back.

Chakotay cried after her to stop. "Kathryn! No!" The doors slid closed behind her as she fled like a frightened animal. He turned his gaze back to the Doctor. If he could have found any way to deactivate the Doctor permanently, he would've at that very moment. His gaze turned cold to match the ice in his voice. "How dare you speak to her that way?! You had no right!"

The Doctor matched Chakotay's glare with one of his own. "As your Doctor, I had every right. She endangered your life, Commander. Just what did she think was doing?"

Chakotay's words were spoken through clenched teeth. His jaw tightening as he closed his fists. His rage was boiling. He'd been a fool to look at her. His eyes had betrayed his fear to her, even after he had spoken those words of love… "For in your arms, I am now, and always will be, whole…." He closed his eyes and spoke hatefully. "Trying to save me from myself."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and replied as stoically as ever. "Well I hope she succeeded Commander, because it may well have cost you the use of your legs."

********

Tom and B'Elanna were almost knocked down as she fled past them in the corridor. Tom had registered the look on Kathryn's face as she ran by, not bothering to acknowledge them. Both he and B'Elanna quickly looked at one another.

Tom spoke first. "I'll check on Chakotay."

B'Elanna quickly nodded and raced after Kathryn. Her heart pounding in her chest as her human fears gripped her Klingon soul.

Kathryn's face had said it all. Chakotay was still paralyzed.

********

The Doctor had administered a mild sedative to calm Chakotay down. He had been raging after Kathryn left. Talking nonsense about losing her forever. He had just entered his office to enter his comments into the medical log when the doors to Sickbay opened and Tom stood there hesitantly. He walked out to greet him. "Lieutenant Paris. I'm afraid the Commander is not up to company at the moment. I had to administer a mild sedative."

"Anything to do with the way the Captain left here in such a hurry?"

The Doctor sighed heavily. "I'm afraid I said some rather ugly things to her. I was out of line."

Tom raised his eyebrows. "Great," he thought to himself, "isn't there enough blame and guilt being tossed around here without you adding to it…." He sighed. He hoped B'Elanna was having better luck…. He spoke with hesitation. Something in the pit of his stomach told him that the Captain's reaction wasn't all due to the Doctor's comments. "I see. How's the Commander?"

The Doctor lowered his eyes. "Paralyzed Lieutenant."

Tom sighed heavily. How he wished they'd never gone on that away mission. Why couldn't Chakotay have kept his mouth shut, instead of challenging her like that! He wanted to strangle him for the Hell he had put not only the Captain through, but himself as well. Images of Chakotay lying under the bulkhead had plagued him for over three weeks.

He had been glad Chakotay had refused to see anyone after this latest development with the paralysis. He, himself, hadn't been able to accept it, and therefore, had been reluctant to face Chakotay, knowing that if he'd been able to help him, Chakotay wouldn't be lying here now, paralyzed. He looked at Chakotay's sleeping form and turned back to face the Doctor. "How's his 'mental state'?"

"Difficult to say Lieutenant. About as expected. Up until I administered that sedative, I'd say highly agitated over the Captain's flight from here a few moments ago."

Tom tried to force some humor into the gloom of the conversation. "Well at least he's not taking anyone's head off like he was a few days ago."

The Doctor raised his eyebrow and frowned. "Speak for yourself Lieutenant."

Tom frowned. "Well, mind if I stick around for awhile until he wakes up? I want to speak to him."

"Be my guest. It's your head." The Doctor turned and walked back into his office.

********

Tom slowly approached Chakotay's bedside. It still disturbed him to see his First Officer lying so still, unable to move from the wounds inflicted upon him by that damned bulkhead. He clenched his fists as he cursed his First Officer in his thoughts. "Damn you to Hell Chakotay. You couldn't leave well enough alone. You just had to force the issue didn't you?"

Chakotay sensed his presence and opened his eyes slowly, turning his head slightly to meet Tom's gaze.

"I haven't seen much of you around stranger. Where have you been?"

Tom thought wryly to himself, "Well, at least he didn't take my head off." He forced the anger from his throat as he tried to be glib. "Staying clear. Remember you banished all of us to Hell." He lowered his eyes. It was time to talk. "Besides, I couldn't face you Chakotay. I feel like this partly, if not all my fault."

Chakotay closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke. "It's not your fault Tom. It's no one's fault. It was an unfortunate accident."

"Yes but now…"

Chakotay raised his hand and cut him off. "That doesn't matter Tom."

"How can you say that?! Look what you've been through Chakotay! Don't you feel any anger? Rage? My God! You're paralyzed!"

"These past four days, hell these past two weeks since I came out of it, I've been angry! Angry at the world! Angry at my friends. Kathryn. Even myself. But tonight, I realized something. I'm alive, Tom. Perhaps more so now than I've ever been." Tears welled in his eyes as he thought of Kathryn's selfless act. "How can I be angry about that?"

Tom just looked at him in disbelief. Chakotay's words were hollow. He was hiding something. "But if you hadn't gone…"

"Then it would only be someone else lying here, perhaps even you. No. It was my duty as First Officer. I had to go."

He couldn't help but think to himself, "Just who was he trying to convince with this bullshit… me or himself?" Instead, Tom's voice betrayed the anger he felt. "You had to go to prove you could disobey the Captain's orders."

"That's not true and you know it." Chakotay's eyes narrowed.

"Oh really? Don't lie to me Chakotay. You hate the fact that she's always protecting you! Admit it!"

"Tom! Kathryn is Captain of this ship. As First Officer I'm obliged to carry out her orders!"

"Bullshit! You challenged her command that day on the bridge when you made the request to lead the away team, knowing full well, she couldn't deny you in front of the crew. It would undermine her trust in you! You just had to play Maquis didn't you?"

Chakotay glared at him. "Stop Paris. You're crossing the line."

"No! Damn you to Hell Chakotay! You didn't see her face when she ran out of here. Don't you know how much she loves you?! Don't you know how much Hell she goes through every time you lead an away mission? Do you have any idea what these last three weeks have been like for her?"

Chakotay closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "I have a pretty good idea Lieutenant."

"Do you know that she blames herself for all of this?"

"She shouldn't." His voice was terse. He opened his eyes and glared at Tom.

Tom inhaled deeply. His next remark would probably cost him his commission. But it was time for Chakotay to face up to the truth. "No she shouldn't. But something tells me, that you do."

Chakotay was seething. "You just crossed the line Lieutenant. Now get out."

Tom stiffened. He and B'Elanna had been torn by this on-going battle between the Captain and the Commander for over four years. Their love and friendship for their commanding officers was genuine and each of them had been concerned that the underlying tones of the battle would one day destroy them both.

These last three weeks had been pure Hell for the whole crew. Himself and B'Elanna more so, because Kathryn had turned to them for support. Tuvok had been too logical, and she needed the compassion and support that they could provide. Tom had had enough. He fired with both barrels. "At least with this paralysis you can't throw me out, so I'm going to speak my mind. Something I should've done a long time ago Chakotay." He grit his teeth, and clenched his fists to keep from hitting his First Officer in the jaw. "You blame her Chakotay. Admit it. Maybe not for what's happened these last few weeks, but you blame her just the same. Why don't you admit the truth to yourself and to her? You blame her for being too protective of you, and you hate her for it. You want to do the protecting. To be the 'man' protecting his 'woman'. You've always tried to protect her Chakotay. Even in your rage, you try and protect her, but this time you hurt her deeply by doing so."

Chakotay shot him an indignant look. "How?"

"With those things you said to her the other night. She cried in B'Elanna's and my arms until 3:00 am Chakotay. You hurt her deliberately didn't you?"

Chakotay clenched his teeth. "What if I did? I can't subject her to a life with an invalid."

"That's not your choice to make Chakotay. It's hers. You seemed to have forgotten Chakotay… When two people love each other, the way the two of you do, you protect and support each other…equally. You do it as First Officer and Captain. Why can't you do it as Chakotay and Kathryn…man and woman?"

"Paris…." Chakotay's blood was boiling at his Lieutenant's impertinence.

Tom raised his hand to cut him off. "You said you were glad to be alive. But how can you be, when you won't admit the truth to yourself and to her? You said that this *he motioned his hand over Chakotay's lower body* doesn't matter anymore. It matters to her. She feels responsible. She's been through Hell Chakotay. Don't send her back, by refusing to tell her the truth. You know the Captain better than any of us. She'll always try and protect the crew. Keep us out of harm's way. But because she loves you, she'll do everything in her power to keep you from harm, and from pain, and you will only resent her for it as time goes on. And everything that you mean to each other now, everything that you've shared, will be lost in the hate and resentment you feel in your souls over time. Think about Chakotay. Equal protection. Equal support."

Chakotay closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He inhaled deeply, trying to quell the rage building inside of him, due to Tom's words of truth. Her words echoed through his mind…"Separately, we are only halves. Together, we are whole." Tom turned to leave and Chakotay raised his hand. His eyes glistened with tears. "Tom…find her for me."

Tom looked down at him. "I imagine B'Elanna already has. Be patient Chakotay. Just don't wait a lifetime to tell her the truth. Four years is long enough. You two need to come to terms…and soon. This battle between you is affecting all of us."

He reached out his hand in a gesture of friendship, his own sense of guilt lessened by the fact that he knew from the look in Chakotay's eyes that he had finally begun to realize the truth that had been tearing him apart for over four years.

Chakotay grasped his hand, locking their forearms together and smiled. "I guess you're right…."

"You know I am. I'm just sorry I didn't say something before this happened. Maybe it could've been avoided."

"Everything happens for a reason Tom. Perhaps it took a shuttle accident and paralysis to make me realize just what good friends I have. Friends that aren't afraid to share the truth. I'm sorry to have shut you and B'Elanna out like I did. I was wrong."

"No apologies necessary between friends Chakotay…. I'd better leave and find B'Elanna. She went after the Captain." He turned to leave.

Chakotay called after him. "Tom… Thanks. For everything…."

Tom turned and smiled a melancholy smile. "Don't thank me. Thank Kathryn. She's the one who's fought heaven and hell for your life. I just tried to make you realize that you'll destroy it, if you're not careful. Good night Commander."

As the doors closed behind Tom, Chakotay sighed heavily. Tom had been right. He did hate the fact that she was protecting him. He had hated it for four years. He had bucked her time and time again because of it, but always relented because she was still his Captain. Her duty as Captain, was to protect the lives and well being of this crew, including his, as her First Officer. He remembered her words, spoken in bitterness that fateful morning three weeks ago. "I'm also the one who has the last word on decisions that affect the lives and well being of this crew… including my First Officer."

He closed his eyes to force back the tears. He loved Kathryn so much. She'd been through Hell and back over the last few weeks to save his life, and then his soul. How was he ever going to make her understand this need of his without hurting her? It was his duty as First Officer to protect her, but more so, it was his duty to her as the man she loved, and who loved her more than life itself, to keep her from harm. Protect her from pain. How could he make her believe that they were truly one in spirit? Equal… as Tom had said…..

********

B'Elanna had followed her all the way to the holodeck. As the doors to Holodeck One slid open quietly, she entered to find Kathryn heaped in a sobbing form on the floor. She had deleted the program and now held the PADD containing the backup copy in her hands, crying uncontrollably. B'Elanna approached her slowly, and knelt down next to her sobbing body, wrapping her arms around Kathryn's shoulders.

Kathryn buried her head in B'Elanna's shoulder. Her sobs made it difficult to understand her words. "Why B'Elanna? Why? It was supposed to have worked! It was supposed to have worked!" She beat the PADD against B'Elanna's other shoulder.

"Perhaps it will, Captain. Give it time."

Kathryn could only shake her head. She pulled back from B'Elanna vehemently. "No! There is no more time! I only caused him more harm!"

"Captain!" B'Elanna struggled to hold onto Kathryn as she pulled free. "You can't blame yourself!"

Kathryn stood and reeled. Her back was to B'Elanna and she wheeled around to face her. "Oh yes I can! I should've never created this…this program to begin with!" She spit the words with venom. It was all too clear that she resented the PADD in her hands and it's promises that all would be well… "In heaven all things are possible… Bullshit!"

B'Elanna tried to grab Kathryn's arm as it released the PADD. It shattered as it hit the wall of the holodeck. She couldn't help but gaze at the fragments on the floor. "Captain…the program…it was…"

Kathryn's eyes were fixed on the fragments as well. She felt like it was her heart that was lying there, shattered, on the floor of the holodeck that only moments before had been a beautiful recreation of their 'place of heaven'. Her voice was hollow. "'Our place of heaven'? Not hardly. I only tried to re-create it from memory. A memory that should have stayed buried."

"You don't mean that." B'Elanna frowned.

Kathryn looked at her in a daze. Her eyes red and swollen from her tears. "I tried to play God B'Elanna. I tried to play God, and now he may never recover!"

B'Elanna could only look at her with a questioning gaze. She slowly took a step forward and placed her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "Captain. You love Chakotay. You didn't try to play God. You only tried to give him something to live for again. A purpose. A vision quest as he would call it. You wanted to give him something that he desperately needed. You tried to give him back the one thing that he'd lost these last few days, by being consumed with his stubborn pride."

Kathryn could only look at her through tears. "I gave him nothing."

"I disagree. You gave him a wonderful memory, and something more."

"What?" Kathryn spoke the word with pure sarcasm.

"His soul."

Kathryn narrowed her eyes and slowly pushed B'Elanna's hand away from her shoulder. "Isn't that just like trying to play God?"

B'Elanna would not be swayed. She stared at Kathryn with her own sense of resolve. "Not when it's the soul and sanity of someone you love. You're a scientist Captain. I've never known you to put much credence in miracles, but yet you told me three days ago that love could perform miracles. You believed it. And you made me believe it too."

"I was wrong. I failed B'Elanna. I failed, and now Chakotay may never walk again."

B'Elanna sighed. "You still don't give him any credit do you?"

Kathryn tilted her head, narrowing her eyes. "What?"

B'Elanna took a step closer to gaze into Kathryn's eyes. She had promised Tom three weeks ago that she wouldn't say what she was about to say. Yet, she sighed heavily and released the safeties from her weapons. "You don't think he can beat this thing without your help. Face it Captain. You don't trust him to take care of himself."

Kathryn recoiled in horror. "That's not true!" She pulled away from B'Elanna. Distancing herself from the truth that B'Elanna spoke.

"Isn't it? Over three weeks ago you cried on my shoulder in your ready room that you should've never let him go on that away mission. That it was too dangerous."

Kathryn's eyes narrowed as she cut her off. "And you see what happened, don't you?"

"Yes… But…"

"No butt's B'Elanna. I should've stood up to him. I'm the Captain of this ship and I give the orders. That mission was too dangerous. I knew it. I should've never sent him on it."

B'Elanna glared at Kathryn. "Then perhaps you should've let him die."

Kathryn stepped back in disbelief. "How can you say that?"

"Because every time you've tried to protect Chakotay these past four years, you've killed a part of him inside."

"I want to protect every member of this crew B'Elanna. Not just Chakotay."

"That's true. I don't deny you that. But you do it more so with him than with any other."

"I love him B'Elanna. I don't want to see him get hurt." Kathryn lowered her head to avoid B'Elanna's eyes. B'Elanna had spoken the truth and she knew it. She did try and protect Chakotay more than other members of the crew.

"I realize that. Hell, the whole crew realizes that! But each time you pull rank on Chakotay and choose to 'protect' him, you take away a portion of his self-esteem. You may be in love with him and he with you, but he is still your First Officer. A position he takes great pride in. He realizes the responsibilities, he accepts the challenges, and he faces the dangers. Remember Captain, Chakotay is a man whose pride runs deep."

"And you see what his pride did to him over this last week. He shut us all out of his life because of it." Kathryn turned away from her as tears welled in her eyes once again.

"True. But I also see a man deeply in love with you, wanting to protect you from harm and a life empty of any physical love."

Kathryn turned slowly. "But he means more to me than just that! My God! I love him! And tonight I may have cost him everything because of that love."

"You don't know that. He could still be all right."

"No B'Elanna. It's too late. He couldn't feel anything."

B'Elanna couldn't help but raise an eyebrow. "Nothing? You mean Tom and I waited impatiently for over four hours for nothing?"

Kathryn raised her head slightly at the inflection in B'Elanna's voice. "What?"

"These past four days he hasn't been able to feel anything Captain. But yet, you stand there and tell me that four hours go by on a holodeck, with the most incredible program I've ever seen, and nothing happened?"

"What are you getting at B'Elanna?"

"I'm trying to make you realize that sometimes miracles take time. Be patient."

"I can't be patient. Not anymore. I've watched him go through Hell these past three weeks and I can't stand it anymore! I'll do everything within my power to end his pain and make him whole again."

B'Elanna laughed and shook her head. Slowly fixing her gaze on Kathryn's. "You haven't heard a word I've said. You're just as bad as Chakotay with that damn pride!"

Kathryn glared at her. Clenching and raising her fists in the air. "Then what am I to do B'Elanna?! I want to help him! I don't want him to face this alone!"

"Then stop protecting him Captain."

Kathryn narrowed her eyes questioning B'Elanna's remark. "What?"

"Stop protecting him, and start supporting him."

"How?" Kathryn suddenly felt dazed and confused by B'Elanna's remark.

B'Elanna sighed as she placed a comforting hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "Don't let your pride get in the way of helping each other. You said yourself, love can perform miracles. Let your love for each other be your guide." She slowly removed her hand and turned to exit the holodeck, leaving Kathryn staring at the fragments of her broken dreams on the floor.

********

Tom entered B'Elanna's quarters slowly, fearful that she may be lurking, awaiting to throw a heavy object in his direction. What ever prompted him to suggest that they comfort the Captain and Chakotay after this ordeal he couldn't remember. All he knew was that he had spoken enough harsh words to Chakotay earlier that no doubt he would be cleaning out the Jeffries tubes for years…. He found her curled up on the couch. "B'Elanna?" He approached her cautiously.

"Come on in Tom. I was just thinking…"

"That we may have made a mistake?"

"No. I was just thinking what it would be like if anything like this ever happened to you." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't know if I could handle it the way she has. Despite her emotional outbursts after the accident, she's been a pillar of strength these last few weeks."

"And now?" Tom settled in beside her on the sofa as he put his arm around her.

"She loves him so much Tom. This paralysis is destroying her inside. Her Captain's façade is about ready to shatter into a thousand pieces."

"I know. Chakotay's on the verge of breaking too."

"Does he blame her for all of this Tom?"

"No. Not the accident. Not the paralysis. It's the other matter…." Tom sighed and lowered his head.

"Then it's true isn't it?"

"Yes. I swear B'Elanna, I didn't want to say anything but he was so full of his damned pride I couldn't help myself!"

"Tom you didn't!" B'Elanna pulled back in shock.

"I did. I made him face the truth."

B'Elanna inhaled deeply. They had each broken their promise not to interfere in the Captain's and Chakotay's relationship. "And…?"

"I don't know. I think I got through to him. But with Chakotay you can never tell. How is the Captain?"

"Distraught. She blames herself for everything. For the accident, for this, for sending him on the away mission to begin with."

Tom gazed at her and studied her for a moment. "And what did you say?"

B'Elanna suddenly felt queasy. She turned her eyes away from him quickly. "I couldn't help myself! My damned Klingon half got the better of me and I let her have it with both barrels."

Tom shook his head. "So much for not interfering."

"Maybe we should've kept our distance. They are still our commanding officers. It wasn't our place."

"Oh come on B'Elanna, you don't believe that! They've both been so full of their arrogant pride these last four years, neither one of them has been willing to admit their love for each other. Hell! It took a horrible shuttle accident and Chakotay almost dying to make her realize her love for him! Those damned StarFleet regulations they're always quoting! That damned protocol between them on the bridge! Chakotay's damned pride and her stubbornness almost cost them more than they could've ever imagined! And I, for one, was sick and tired of it! I told him to tell her the truth before it destroyed them both and everything they now had."

B'Elanna smiled at him. For all of his annoyances, Tom Paris was a true friend. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him close to kiss him on the lips. "Well…at least you'll have company in the brig. I said some pretty nasty things to the Captain as well."

"Oh what the Hell. Well, if nothing else, at least we gave them a piece of our minds. It might give them something to think about other than their immediate future, and Chakotay's paralysis."

"No chance of recovery then?" B'Elanna pulled back and sighed heavily.

"Doc's not sure. But to tell you the truth, B'Elanna. I think he's accepted it."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh great."

"What's wrong now?"

"The Captain hasn't. In fact, with what I told her, she may be more determined than ever to make sure he beats this thing…supporting him…of course…." There was a touch of sarcasm in her voice.

Tom sighed. "Great…We didn't initiate a cease fire. We only moved the battlefield."

"So what do we do now, Mr. Genius."

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. If they want to kill each other over their regulations, protocol, arrogance and pride then let them. I'm not saying another word. Besides that, I think that would make me second in command behind Tuvok." He tried to grin, knowing full well, that he and B'Elanna may have just started a war between their commanding officers.

********

Chakotay had grown uneasy. The Doctor kept insisting on more tests. More attempts to restore the feeling to the lower half of his body, and yet, still there was nothing. He was seething. Why couldn't the Doctor just leave him alone and let him get on with his life!

What made it worse was that despite his pleas, Kathryn had not been to see him for three days. She still couldn't face him, and because of it, his anger had gotten the better of him more than once. Now even B'Elanna and Tom had steered clear of him, wanting to avoid his wrath. Even the Doctor had deactivated himself more than once, wanting to avoid Chakotay's rage.

It was late on the evening of the fourth day. The Doctor was reviewing the latest series of tests, deaf to the rages of his patient in the next room. He glanced up quickly and smirked. This was going to get interesting.

Chakotay had been cursing in his native tongue for over an hour, when the doors slid open to Sickbay. Two figures were struggling with a third as he turned his attention to the commotion. He stopped in mid sentence at the sight in front of him.

B'Elanna cursed something in Klingon as she grabbed her shin and released her prey. Tom took up the slack and tightened his hold on Kathryn's arm, dragging her to Chakotay's bedside.

She was struggling with him, cursing and threatening her wrath, but he wouldn't release her. He pushed her forward roughly towards Chakotay's bed. "Enough is enough Captain! You two are going to work this thing out if we have to chain you both to the bed!"

"This is my ship Paris! This is mutiny!" She turned on him vehemently. Her face flushed from their struggle. They had taken her from her quarters, waking her from a dead sleep in the process. She had been spitting venom and reprimands the entire length of the corridor. Her cries for help had only fallen on deaf ears of the crew. Not even Tuvok had acknowledged her and she was seething with rage. She'd have the whole bloody lot court-martialed! She spit at him, raising her hands, she wanted to claw his eyes out. "Paris I could have you court-martialed for this!"

"Stand in line Captain. The Commander already has first dibs." He turned to B'Elanna and took her hand. "Now if you'll excuse us, Captain. We have a date at Sandrine's for dinner. Computer! Activate Emergency Medical Seal around Commander Chakotay's location! Two for transport to Holodeck Three."

She lunged at their fading figures in the haze. "Shit!" She was breathless. She reached up and lightly touched the force field, jumping back from its shock. "Computer! Deactivate Emergency Medical Seal!"

The Doctor stuck his head out of his office. "I'm afraid it's no use Captain. Once the Seal has been activated it can only be deactivated by a member of either the medical staff or a member of security."

"Then Deactivate it!" She turned in a rage to face him.

The Doctor only grinned. "I cannot. I believe there is a medical emergency. I do not want to risk further contamination to the ship." The Doctor smirked and ordered the computer to deactivate his program, with a reset for one hour. He didn't want to leave them alone for too long…he didn't need two injured commanding officers.

Kathryn narrowed her eyes. "Commander Tuvok! Deactivate Emergency Medical Seal in sickbay." Silence. She inhaled deeply, her face flushed with rage. Her entire crew was in mutiny.

Chakotay could only smile a devilish grin. "Face it Kathryn. You're stuck in here for awhile. You might as well make the best of it." He held out his hand in her direction.

"Go to Hell!"

He sneered. "Only if you send me there first." He raised himself up on his elbows and gazed at her, beckoning her to his side. "Come on Kathryn. I think we need to talk."

She turned away from him. She felt like a trapped animal. "There's nothing to talk about Chakotay. I know what you want to say to me, and I don't blame you. I should've never taken that kind of risk. The Doctor was right, I had no right."

"Kathryn…"

"No Chakotay. I endangered your life and now I may have ruined any chance of you recovering. I'm so sorry." She buried her head in her hands and she stepped back against the panel next to Chakotay's bed.

Chakotay sighed. "Kathryn please!"

She turned around to gaze at him. "Please Chakotay. Don't. I know what I've done and I'm so sorry! For everything! I thought…. My Spirit Guide said…. It was supposed to be all right! And now I've ruined everything!" She began to ramble.

Chakotay clenched his fists. "Shut the hell up! And come here!" His words took her by surprise and she gasped. "Kathryn… Please… Come sit here beside me. It's been over three days since you've been by my side, and I've been a raving lunatic ever since. Now please shut up and come here…"

She hesitated. "Chakotay…."

"Please… I don't blame you for this. How could I? You saved my life, Kathryn."

"I betrayed your soul." She lowered her eyes and spoke mournfully.

"You betrayed nothing."

"I told you that everything would be all right. That in heaven all things are possible…. That love could perform miracles. I lied. I lied to myself and I lied to you."

"You lied about nothing Kathryn. What you did was incredible. I can never forget that for as long as I live. My God! You recreated our place of heaven so that we could be together as a man and a woman…two people desperately in love!"

"It was a holographic projection Chakotay. If it had been heaven, you'd still have the feeling in your legs. Instead, you only damaged your spinal column further." Her voice was hollow. Try as she might, she'd been unable to convince herself that B'Elanna had been right.

Chakotay narrowed his eyes and glared at her. How he wished he could get off the bed, take her in his arms, and shake the living daylights out of her to make her understand. "I don't give a damn if it was a hallucination! Don't you understand? For one brief moment you gave me back the hope that I could walk again. You made me whole Kathryn! You gave me back my soul three weeks ago when you issued that challenge, and you crossed the battle lines of Hell to save it after my fatalistic attitude over this paralysis. By all the God's, I won't let you destroy it now by refusing to believe me! I love you Kathryn. I love you." He stretched his hand out further as his eyes pleaded with her. Tears were welling in them as they betrayed the pain in his heart. Kathryn bit her lower lip as a tear fell down her cheek. She slowly raised her hand to his. He grabbed it and pulled her into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her down next to him as he laid back against the bed. "My God! Kathryn! I love you so much it hurts. Please…please don't think I blame you for this."

She was crying in full force now. She'd been so desperate for him to hold her these last three days, but she kept seeing that hateful look in his eye, every time she approached the doors to Sickbay. The image always sent her running for the shelter of either her quarters or her ready room. "Oh Chakotay! But that look in your eyes…. I saw it. I felt your hate…."

Chakotay swallowed hard and closed his eyes. It was time for the truth. "Kathryn… I'm sorry you ever had to see that. I was a fool to look at you like that. I never wanted to cause you any pain, but I can't go on like this. I can't go on knowing that you'll try and protect me from harm, when you send other members of this crew into danger."

She tried to push herself up, but his hold tightened. He was not about to let her go now. She gazed at him through darkened eyes. "What?" B'Elanna's words were ringing in her ears…. "Because every time you've tried to protect Chakotay these past four years, you've killed a part of him inside…. He is still your First Officer. A position he takes great pride in. He realizes the responsibilities, he accepts the challenges, and he faces the dangers. Remember Captain, Chakotay is a man whose pride runs deep."

"I'm your First Officer Kathryn, and the man that loves you more than life itself. Please, I beg of you. Let me be the First Officer to you that I want to be. That I need to be. Let me perform my duties without you trying to keep me safe every waking minute of the day. Let me be the one to protect you, Kathryn. As your First Officer…as your friend…as your lover. Please."

She gazed into those dark pools of his that were glistening with tears, and buried her head against his chest. "But I'm still Captain Chakotay! I just can't forget that and toss it aside. It's my duty to protect this crew…and you!"

He placed his hand against her cheek. "Correction Captain. It's our duty. Yours and mine. I told you that you were not alone. That I would do whatever I could to ease your burdens and I meant it. You are my life. My love. My soul."

She closed her eyes at the touch of his hand stroking her cheek. She reached up and put her hand on his, gently kissing his palm. "Separately we are only halves. Together we are whole…. Is that it?"

Chakotay lowered his lips to hers and whispered softly. "Yes. Kathryn, my love… Equal parts that fit together to make a whole. We are truly one for an eternity."

She melted into his arms as the Doctor's image returned to his office.

He smiled and spoke softly. "Computer. Deactivate Emergency Medical Seal. Dim lights to one third illumination." There would finally be peace and quiet in the Sickbay for the first time in over three weeks.

********

The Doctor sat in his office reviewing the reports on Chakotay's condition. "Doctor's Log, Stardate -----. It has been eight weeks since Commander Chakotay's accident and three weeks since he has returned to active duty. The 'anit-gravitational chair' that Seven and B'Elanna devised has allowed him access to all areas of the ship. This, and the Commander's acceptance of his condition have made his mental attitude quite pleasant of late. The Captain, however, is not adjusting well. Despite her outward façade of acceptance of the Commander's condition, she has instructed me in private, to continue my tests in an effort to find a cure for Commander Chakotay's paralysis…."

The doors to Sickbay slid open, and Kathryn walked in. She looked flustered. "Anything today Doctor?"

The Doctor raised his eyebrow and sighed. He shook his head. "Nothing Captain."

"Keep looking." Her voice was adamant.

He sighed. "Captain. Have you shared this obsession with the Commander yet?"

She narrowed her eyes. "What obsession?"

"This incessant questioning, prodding, and refusal to accept the Commander's fate."

She glowered at him. "I'm a scientist by nature Doctor. I refuse to accept anything as fate. And in answer to your question, no I have not shared this obsession with Chakotay. Nor will you until the time is right."

He narrowed his eyes. "And when will that be Captain? It's been over three weeks since I released him to active duty. He has accepted this condition, why can't you?"

Her breathing became deep as her eyes darkened with resentment. "I've accepted nothing. We've got to find an answer. You don't know Chakotay the way I do. His pride…he's reliant on no one. This acceptance of his is only a temporary façade. I know it. We've got to find a cure. This will eventually destroy him if we don't."

The Doctor sighed. The Captain was definitely in the stages of Rejection from a condition known as

S. A. R. A. That quaint 20th century euphemism that medical science had attached to the four stages of mental attitude following a crisis… shock, anger, rejection, acceptance. The Captain was not taking Chakotay's condition very well. She was not taking it very well indeed…. He stared into her eyes. "Destroy the Commander? Or you, Captain?"

Kathryn stepped back slightly as she had done that day on the holodeck when B'Elanna spoke the truth. Still, she would not give in. Not now. Not ever. She was determined to find a cure for Chakotay's paralysis. She glared at him as she spoke. "Just follow my orders Doctor. Don't question the reasons behind them. Good night!" She turned and stormed out of the doors.

The Doctor turned back to the log in his hand… "Doctor's Log, Supplement, Stardate -----. After my brief discussion with the Captain just now, I have come to the conclusion that she is acting somewhat irrational. The strain of the past several weeks have taken a toll on her physically and now mentally. Her motives for finding a cure for the Commander's paralysis are self-centered, otherwise, she would have shared her desires with the Commander. They stem from her own reluctance to accept and come to terms with his condition. Rather than relieve her of her duty, I have decided to let someone else speak with her, in an effort to talk some sense into her. It is with this in mind that I have decided to disobey her orders on keeping this 'obsession' a secret. I intend on speaking with Commander Chakotay tomorrow…."

********

Chakotay was left seething by the Doctor's visit that evening. The Doctor had been wise to hold off speaking to him about this until after shift change on the bridge. He didn't need any eyewitnesses, to his strangulation of the Captain's neck.

He was sitting on the couch trying to calm his breathing and rage down when she entered.

They had fallen into a comfortable routine since he had been permanently released from Sickbay, and he had grown to enjoy it immensely. Every night after their shift, she would come into his quarters dressed in something different. Each time she had pleasantly surprised him with one little gift or another. A new bottle of wine from Tom's cache, a rose from Hydroponics, a different novel that he hadn't read yet, a sexy undergarment under her uniform. Each surprise was meant to bring him pleasure, and it had. Pleasure, knowing that he could still make her moan with desire, despite the paralysis of his legs….

But this evening would be different. This evening would be marred by the fact that she had betrayed him. She still didn't trust him to take care of himself….

She was wearing a beautiful black silk pantsuit, Oriental in design, and her hair was swept up from the side of her face, held in place by two 'chopsticks'. He closed his eyes to avoid hers as she leaned over and kissed him tenderly on the mouth.

"Good evening my love." Silence greeted her, and she raised her head in question, as he slowly opened his eyes. They were dark. Not with desire, but with rage. She pulled back from him as he grabbed her wrist. She cried out in pain. "Ahh… Chakotay! You're hurting me!"

He pulled her down to him, taking his other hand and placing it at the back of her head, entwining his fingers in her hair. The chopsticks fell to the floor at their feet. "You've lied to me!"

Kathryn struggled to push against him. Despite his seated position, his strength had a definite advantage over her. "What are you talking about?"

He pulled her head back forcefully by her hair and glared into her eyes. "You've betrayed me! You've lied about everything we've talked about these last few weeks!"

She suddenly felt frightened by the look in his eyes. A look that told her he wanted to kill her.

She struggled to free her wrist as she twisted her head against his hand trying to break free. "Chakotay! You're hurting me! Please!" She let out a stifled cry from her lips, as his hand tightened around her wrist.

Chakotay's eyes were filled with rage. "Damn you! How could you?! I trusted you!"

She cried out mournfully in pain as he pulled her head back and tightened his hold. Tears fell from her cheeks as she realized he knew…. He knew, and now he wanted to kill her for it…. Her eyes pleaded with him as she cried out once more. "Chakotay!"

Chakotay suddenly came to his senses and released his hold, pushing her away from him roughly. She slumped to her knees, sobbing in front of him. His words were mournful. His beloved Kathryn still didn't trust him. She was still trying to protect him. She was deliberately going behind his back, against his wishes. "I trusted you Kathryn. I thought we had agreed that we would let fate control what would happen."

*I'll deactivate the Doctor's program permanently for this*, she thought to herself. She placed her hands on his thigh as she looked up at him pleadingly. Her eyes were glistening with tears of fear and dread. Not for her life anymore, but the reality that she was about to lose everything she had fought so hard to save. "Chakotay… Please… I love you…I was only trying to help…."

He looked down at her and closed his eyes. The moment of silence was unbearable before he spoke again.

He spoke slowly. His eyes, betraying his emotions of betrayal and disbelief over her actions. "You still don't trust me. You still have to play protector, don't you? Even after everything we've talked about these last few weeks since that night in Sickbay. You promised me Kathryn. We promised each other, remember? We promised the truth always. No more false hopes and dreams. No more battle lines between us. I trusted you. And now you've gone and done this…."

She gazed up at him. She started to take his hand in hers but he pulled it away abruptly. She lowered her head. She was shaking with grief. She could only plead with him to spare her his wrath…banishment from his quarters, and banishment from his life…. Her sobs covered her words. "Please Chakotay! Don't do this! I just wanted everything to be all right…."

Chakotay sighed heavily. If he could've stood, he would've walked away from her at that very moment. "I've accepted this Kathryn, why can't you?"

Kathryn slowly raised her tear-streaked face to look up at him. "Because I want you whole Chakotay."

He closed his eyes once again, as her words ripped his heart apart. That was not what he needed to hear. "I told you Kathryn. In your arms, I am whole."

Her lower lip quivered. Her back stiffened. The look in her eyes changed from remorse to determination. "But I'm not! I haven't been whole since this happened, Chakotay! How can I lie here next to you every night, letting you give me so much pleasure and desire, and I can't return it!" She buried her head once more, to hide her face.

Chakotay started to lower his hand to stroke her hair, but clenched his fist instead. "Knowing that I can still make you feel like a woman Kathryn, is pleasure enough for me. I love you. But now you've betrayed that love. You've deliberately gone behind my back, and against my wishes. Your promises have been nothing more than empty words." He paused for what seemed like an eternity before he spoke again. "I cannot live with this lie between us. Please…I think you'd better go now." He glared at her.

She gazed into his eyes, searching for something. Something that would let her believe that he didn't hate her. She only found emptiness. She felt nauseous. She sank lower, pressing her head against his leg. Her words were barely audible. "Please Chakotay… Please… don't do this to me… to us…. Please don't send me away… Not like this."

Chakotay struggled with his emotions. He loved her so much, and now he had hurt her. But she had betrayed his trust. She had betrayed his love…. He closed his eyes to force back the tears. He had to do this. He had to save whatever pride he had left if he was ever going to feel like a man again. "Captain…. Please… Leave. Before I'm forced call Tuvok and Security. I don't want you here. I'll be at my post in the morning. Until then Captain, good night."

Her heart broke into a thousand pieces as he spoke the words. She felt weak, unable to move. Her head was reeling as she slowly pushed herself up, lingering before pushing herself away from him. She forced herself to look into his eyes. They were void of any emotion, any feeling, any love. She'd lost him. "Chakotay…"

"Leave now."

She faltered as she turned away from him, but managed to keep her footing. As she walked towards the doors, her head was lowered in despair. Her heart was shattered. As the doors slid open, she gazed back at him but he turned his eyes away from hers as she spoke. "I love you Chakotay." Silence.

The doors closed behind her and she stood there dazed, reeling from the words he had spoken. He hated her for what she had done. She had betrayed him. She had betrayed his love.

She leaned against the corridor wall for support as she slowly walked back to her quarters. She entered and walked into the bedroom, lying down on the bed as she placed her hand against the bulkhead separating their quarters.

He was just next door, and yet he may as well have been in the Alpha Quadrant. She never felt so far away from him, or so lost and lonely. She'd lost her life… she'd lost her soul….

********

The next day, the entire bridge was tense. It was all too evident that the Captain and the Commander had had an argument. Chakotay had been silent all day and the Captain spent most of her day in her ready room. Tom, Harry and Tuvok exchanged quick glances, as they couldn't help but notice that when she finally returned to the bridge shortly before shift change, her eyes were red and swollen. She'd been crying all day.

********

When she refused to see Tuvok later that evening, he made a call to Sickbay. "Doctor. May I speak with you privately?"

"Of course Commander. I'll be right there."

As the Doctor's image materialized in Tuvok's quarters, Tuvok placed the PADD containing a report from Security on his desk. "Doctor. Thank you for coming. I need to inquire as to the status of Commander Chakotay's condition."

"His condition has not changed Commander."

"Curious."

"What do you mean?"

"Captain Janeway was most noticeably upset today. I assumed it was do to a change for the worse in the Commander's condition. I was wrong."

The Doctor sighed and frowned. "How upset was the Captain, Commander?"

"I gather by her actions on the bridge today, extremely upset. The Commander also. He was silent for the better part of the day. Do you know what could have transpired between them in the last twenty four hours?"

"I'm afraid I do Commander. I was the cause of it."

"Cause Doctor?"

"Yes. For the last three weeks, I have been following the Captain's orders."

Tuvok frowned. "What orders?"

"The Captain has been insistent on finding a cure to the Commander's paralysis, despite my attempts to dissuade her otherwise, and convince her that only time will tell if the Commander's condition is permanent. This may be the 24th century, but medical science still has many things to learn about the human body, it's brain and the ability to heal and recover from serious traumatic injuries."

"I understand. But I'm curious to know why would that cause her grief?"

"Because Commander… Commander Chakotay has been unaware of this. The Captain ordered me to keep a 'lid on it'. I did, however, speak with the Commander last night."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "I see."

"Commander Tuvok. Commander Chakotay's condition could change, but only time will tell. The Commander has accepted that, but I'm afraid the Captain has not. She has been most irrational at times over this."

"Why then, Doctor, have you not said anything before last night?" Tuvok tilted his head, questioning the Doctor's motives.

The Doctor sighed. "I had hoped that she would come to her senses about this, but after her appearance in Sickbay once again yesterday, and her further insistence, I deemed otherwise. I thought it best to speak with the Commander. I thought, perhaps, considering their relationship, that he could talk some sense into her." He paused before continuing. "She's a woman in love Commander. Sometimes love will make people act irrational. Do you not remember her 'irrationality' after the Commander's accident?"

"How can I forget Doctor. Still, I am most concerned about her mental state at the moment. It is by all forms of reason, strained. I have no doubt, given the Commander's personality that they exchanged words over her 'insistence' in this matter."

"I imagine so. I had hoped that their love for each other would help ease the tension. I'm afraid I was wrong."

"Perhaps wrong in your method Doctor, but not wrong in your motive. It is the Commander's life that is at stake here. Though Captain Janeway as Captain of this vessel is responsible for the lives and well being of this crew, Commander Chakotay is no longer incapacitated and unable to think for himself. It should be the Commander's decision to pursue a cure, not the Captain's. The Commander had a right to know about her motives. I regret, however, that the results of that revelation did not turn out as expected."

"No more than I do."

"Doctor. Is it possible that Captain Janeway has overstepped her bounds?"

"I'm not sure what you mean Commander."

"Due to the series of events over the last several weeks and the Captain's strained emotions and physical state, I must ask you to answer truthfully to the following question. Is Captain Janeway capable of carrying out her duties as Captain of this vessel?"

"That would depend Commander."

"On what?"

The Doctor inhaled deeply, and raised his eyebrow. "Her ability to handle the present state of affairs with the Commander."

Tuvok sighed deeply. It was evident that he needed to keep a watchful eye on the goings on of the bridge over the next few days. "Thank you Doctor…. And Doctor, as always, please keep me apprised of any changes to either the Commander's or the Captain's condition."

"Of course. Good night Commander."

"Good night, Doctor." As the Doctor's image faded from his quarters, Tuvok was left considering the fate of Voyager's Commanding Officers.

********

Four days. Another four days and the Captain's demeanor had only worsened. It was evident that she had not eaten or slept. Her commands were, at times, conflicting. Leaving Chakotay to interpret the true meaning behind them, and repeat them to the crew. He was becoming visibly frustrated with her, and at one point, they exchanged harsh words on the bridge. When she retreated to her ready room, Chakotay glanced at Tuvok and sighed heavily.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the heated conversation with Tuvok only two days prior… "Commander…You are still First Officer and second in command. You have read the Doctor's report. It will, however, require your approval."

"I can't do it Tuvok! She'll snap out of it. Kathryn's too strong a woman to let this get her down. She'll be all right."

"If you are unable to reconcile your differences, and let 'bygones be bygones', then are you willing to take that risk Commander? It has been two days since your argument, and the Captain has shown no signs of improvement."

"What happened between us is personal Tuvok. Stay out of it."

"I'm afraid I can't Commander. Her actions are now jeopardizing the lives of this crew."

"I'll make that determination, not you."

"Very well Commander. The final decision will be up to you."

Chakotay lowered his head. His words were hollow as he spoke. "Commander Tuvok, please accompany me."

Tuvok raised his eyebrow and sighed. He shot a warning glance to Harry and Tom who were watching Chakotay with bated breath, knowing full well what he had to do. They quickly glanced away as Tuvok spoke. "As you wish, Commander."

They approached her ready room in silence. Chakotay keyed in his security code and the doors slid open. Kathryn was crying once again. She didn't even look up as they entered.

Chakotay inhaled deeply and blinked back the tears. "Commander Tuvok. I ask that you be witness to the following…."

Tuvok stood behind Chakotay's chair and straightened his shoulders as he sighed.

Chakotay forced the words from his throat. He had never intended it to go this far. But it was too late, and he knew it. Other lives were at stake…not just theirs. The time had come…. "Captain Kathryn Janeway, under the guidelines of StarFleet Regulations, and acting on the advice and evaluation of the ship's Doctor, I have no choice but to relieve you of your command as Captain of Voyager. You are hereby remanded to your quarters, pending further analysis of your mental capacity and ability to command this ship. Computer. Note time and stardate."

"Acknowledged."

The tears stilled in her eyes as Chakotay spoke. She stood slowly and walked around to the front of her desk to glower at him. She could not believe what he had just done. She inhaled deeply and clenched her fists. He had taken away everything these last few days that she ever cared about, and she would be damned if he was going to take away her command. "You go to Hell. You'll relieve me of nothing."

Chakotay glared up at her. "I'm sorry Captain. I have no choice. Your actions have been irrational and at times irresponsible during the past several weeks."

"That's bullshit and you know it Chakotay!"

"Please Captain. Don't make this any harder than it already is. You are under extreme duress, and emotional strain."

She slapped him. "You son of a bitch! You did this to me!"

Chakotay inhaled deeply and put his hand up to stop Tuvok. His hand touched the corner of his lip where she had drawn blood. His eyes flashed the anger he felt in his soul for her betrayal and lack of reserve these last few days. He thought to himself, "Damn you Kathryn for making me relieve you of your command! Why can't you follow your own damned orders, and keep our personal lives separate from our duties!" When he finally spoke, his words were harsh and cold. "I did nothing to you that you didn't bring on yourself."

She started to slap him again but he raised his hand quickly and gripped her wrist, quickly glancing at Tuvok, daring him to move.

Tuvok sighed and raised an eyebrow. It was more than evident by the look in the Captain's eyes, that she would kill Chakotay if he were not present.

She pulled her hand free from Chakotay's grasp as she spit in his face. "You arrogant bastard! How dare you relieve me of my command! Isn't it enough you've ripped my heart out and torn apart my very soul?!"

Chakotay's eyes grew dark with rage. He spoke the words calmly but with force. "When you can no longer separate our private life and our personal problems from your duties as Captain, I have no choice. You have been obsessed with finding a cure for my paralysis, despite my wishes to the contrary, choosing instead to further your own selfish needs and desires. In addition, your reactions to our argument four days ago should never have affected your ability to act as Captain of this vessel. In all those areas, you have failed. Our private life should never have been a topic open for debate against the Regulations governing this ship."

She lunged at him, but Tuvok grabbed her shoulders. She was struggling with him to free herself as she spit the words with venom. "Damn you!! You have no right to sit there and quote StarFleet Regulations! Tuvok, let me go! You know I'm right in this!"

Tuvok tightened his hold around her. His Vulcan logic could not understand her. It was evident that she could no longer separate her private life from her duties as Captain. She didn't even realize what she had just said. He sighed heavily before he spoke. "I'm afraid I must agree with the Commander. Your actions have been bordering on irrational since the shuttle accident Captain. I understand that you share a common bond with Commander Chakotay, but that bond cannot interfere with your duties and responsibilities as Captain of this ship."

Tuvok's words cut her to the core. He was siding with Chakotay. They were relieving her of the one thing she had left…her command…. She closed her eyes to force back the tears before gazing into Chakotay's eyes as she slowed her struggles. "We share nothing…. Not any more…." She straightened and slowly exited her ready room not bothering to look back at Chakotay.

Her words hit their mark, wounding him fatally. Chakotay lowered his head in pain. He had just destroyed the one thing in his life that still held any meaning. Kathryn.

Tuvok glanced quickly at Chakotay before turning to follow her. Tuvok paused to speak. Chakotay had done the right thing, whether he wanted to believe it or not. "Commander… Your actions were correct in this matter. It was the logical thing to do. It was the only thing you could do."

Chakotay closed his eyes as he clenched his fists in rage. "It was the worst thing I could do. Now leave me alone. See the Captain to her quarters. I want a watch posted until further notice."

"As you wish Commander." He turned and followed behind her.

Tuvok studied her in the turbolift. She was notably upset and distraught. Her rage in the ready room had been displaced by despair. As they approached her quarters, he summoned two Security guards to her door as she entered. She had been silent during the entire trip from her ready room but she slowly turned to Tuvok with tears in her eyes. "Take care of him Tuvok."

The doors to her quarters closed behind her, as Tuvok raised his eyebrow and frowned at her remark.

******

Tom had followed Chakotay off the bridge. He knew something wasn't right. He could feel it in his bones. He knew it the moment Tuvok had returned to the bridge and whispered something in Chakotay's ear. He couldn't help but think to himself… "Damn it you two. When will you learn? Damn your pride Chakotay!" He was jolted back to reality by the sound of Chakotay's voice dismissing the guards.

As he keyed in his security code, Chakotay glanced up at Tom, seeming to read his thoughts. "Let me handle this Paris. Just keep your mouth shut."

"Yes sir."

The doors slid open, and they entered quietly. Kathryn was standing over by her window. The lights had been dimmed and Tom's eyes strained to become accustomed to the lack of light. Chakotay moved the 'chair' closer as Tom took up guard by the door.

Chakotay spoke softly. "Captain?"

She didn't turn. Her words were low and harsh. Her voice cracked from the strain of emotions. "Don't come any closer Commander."

Chakotay sighed. He knew every line of her face. Even in the dim lighting he could tell that she had been crying senselessly for hours. He inched forward once again… "Kathryn…please…let's talk."

She closed her eyes. "There's nothing to talk about. It's finished."

"What's finished?" Tom couldn't help himself.

Chakotay threw his hand up and glared at him. "Shut up!" Tom quickly sank back into the shadows by her door. Chakotay turned back to face Kathryn. Something in her face disturbed him. Her demeanor had changed drastically from what she had displayed in her ready room earlier. He slowly reached up his hand towards her. "Kathryn…?"

She pulled away from him, distancing herself as she turned. Her eyes widened. "No! Stay away from me! You don't want to be near me! You don't want to touch me! I'm dirty! Filthy with lies and betrayal!"

Chakotay gazed into her eyes. He felt her pain and anguish and it cut him to the core. He had never wanted it to go this far…. He had never wanted to hurt her…. "Kathryn…please… I never wanted this. I only wanted you to understand what you were doing to me…to us…."

Tears streaked down her face and she tilted her head back, staring at the ceiling for a moment before lowering her eyes, and gazing into Chakotay's. "Us?! There is no us anymore! I destroyed that! I've destroyed everything! I've lost you…." Her words trailed off. She was distant. Her eyes were dark with despair.

Chakotay stretched his hand further. "Kathryn…please… you haven't lost me…."

She looked through him, dazed and confused, then her eyes shifted to the object in her hand. "No… I've lost everything…. The ship…the trust of the crew…your trust…your love…. Everything. I've lost…."

Chakotay caught the glint in his eye. His eyes widened in horror. "Kathryn! No!"

Tom was standing in the shadows. What happened next, happened in a split second, but to him it seemed to transpire in slow motion.

Kathryn's eyes closed as she raised the dagger in front of her, clasping it with both hands as she drove it against her chest. The words were not even out of Chakotay's throat when he stood suddenly and lunged at her from the anti gravitational chair supporting him, his hands grabbing hers, pushing the dagger away from her body. The force of his body meeting hers sent them both crashing to the floor. She let out a cry of pain as the dagger cut through her side, grazing her ribs, missing her intended target. Tom raced forward to their side as Chakotay reached his left arm around her to cradle her in his arms. His other hand was still over hers, grasping the small dagger. Her eyes registered her pain as she gazed into Chakotay's darkened eyes. "Oh Chakotay… Please forgive me… I love you…." She fell limp in his arms.

Chakotay's heart sank. Her hands loosened their hold on the dagger as she collapsed into his arms. It fell to the floor by her side. Chakotay pressed his hand over the gaping wound. His eyes welling with tears as he quickly made his decision.

Tom started to press his comm badge. "Emer…"

Chakotay grabbed the front of his uniform, staining it with Kathryn's blood. "Not a word! Paris! Do you understand?!"

Tom was bewildered. The Captain was lying in his arms with a gaping wound across her ribcage and down her side, and he wanted him to shut up! "Chakotay…. What the hell?!"

Chakotay glared at him. "Not a word Tom! To anyone! Go get a triage kit and a dermal regenerator from the shuttle bay. I know the mess hall is closer, but there won't be many people around in the bay area to wonder and ask probing questions…. It's not that bad…. I think she's just passed out from the pain and fatigue…. Now quickly! Do as I say!" He pushed him back on his heels roughly.

"Chakotay… what you're doing…." Tom couldn't believe what he was hearing. Chakotay could be thrown into the brig permanently for this…. Tuvok had had enough of this emotional bullshit….

"I know…. But no one is to know about what just happened here do you understand?! No one is to know that she just tried to kill herself…. If something happens, I'm to be held responsible do you understand?"

Tom sighed. "Commander…"

Chakotay glared at him once more. "Just do it Lieutenant! That's an order!"

********

Tom rocked back on his heels and stood quickly, checking the corridor before leaving. He walked briskly. He would have rather run, but that would definitely cause too much attention, and the look in Chakotay's eyes told him to be cautious, lest he face Chakotay's wrath. And quite frankly, with what had just transpired over the last four days, that was the last thing he wanted. Chakotay was on the verge of killing someone, and he didn't want it to be him. He found the kit and regenerator quickly and proceeded back to the Captain's quarters, at a faster pace than before. He was thankful the corridors had been empty, as he glanced down at the dark red stain at the neck of his uniform.

As he signaled for entry, a smile crossed his lips, as the image of what just happened replayed before him. Chakotay had stood on his own two legs before lunging to stop her…. He was no longer paralyzed.

********

Chakotay tightened his hold around Kathryn as he gently picked her up and carried her to her bed. He grabbed a portion of the sheet and pressed it against the wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

Emotions, which had been buried for the last four days were streaming down his face. His pride had almost killed them both. He leaned down to press his lips against hers. "Oh God! Kathryn! What have I done?"

She slowly stirred to his voice, moaning as she felt his hand press against the wound. Her eyes slowly opened. She raised her hand to his cheek as she gazed into his eyes, searching for what she had lost. This time his eyes only betrayed his love for her. "Oh Chakotay! I'm so sorry…. I couldn't go on, knowing that I'd lost everything. Knowing that you hated me…."

Chakotay hugged her tightly, nuzzling her hair. "I don't hate you Kathryn. I'm so sorry I said those horrible things to you. I'm so sorry I hurt you like I did. Please…please…forgive me…."

Tears streamed down her face as she clutched his shoulders. "I'm so sorry I lied to you…. I just wanted you to be all right…. Like you were on the holodeck…. I feel so ashamed…. I wanted something for you so that I could be whole…I didn't want you to be para…." She stopped suddenly, and quickly gazed around the room. The minutes of the previous events flashing before her. Her eyes searched the room for Tom…. Surely it had been Tom that carried her to the bed….

Chakotay nuzzled her once more before pulling his head away to gaze into her eyes, reading her thoughts. "I sent him to the shuttle bay for a triage kit. I'm going to be your doctor for the next couple of days…. This little incident stays between us. No one will know about it." He shifted, and moved closer to her.

She looked at him, studying him. She smiled. He was protecting her from the horrible ramifications her actions would bring. "Oh Chakotay… I love you so much." She gazed deep into his eyes as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders tighter. Suddenly her eyes widened. She glanced over at the anti-gravitational chair, sitting some twenty feet from her bed, and back at Chakotay. "Yes…?"

He smiled and nodded, pulling her close against his chest, burying his face in the nape of her neck, before raising his mouth to hers. "Yes…. You see… love can work miracles. You just have to give it time…." His mouth covered hers in a passionate kiss as her hands clasped behind his head, drawing him close, tears of happiness streaming down her cheeks.

The chime signaled for entry and Chakotay pulled away. "Computer, identify guest."

"Lieutenant Tom Paris."

Chakotay spoke softly as he gazed into her eyes. "Enter." He gently pushed Kathryn back against the pillow, as Tom quietly entered and handed Chakotay the triage kit.

"Commander…Captain…." He looked at the Captain and smiled. Chakotay had given him a direct order… *no one was to know what just happened*… Chakotay was protecting her. Despite his stubborn, arrogant pride, the damned son of a bitch still loved her afterall….

Chakotay took the kit, and quickly ran the tricorder over the gash in Kathryn's side. Comfortable that nothing vital had been injured, he ran the regenerator over the area, then administered a mild pain killer and sedative. As she drifted off to sleep, he touched her cheek with his lips before turning to face Tom. "Thanks Tom…. Look, I'm going to stay here for awhile. So if anyone asks…."

"I haven't seen you since you left the bridge." Tom was grinning from ear to ear.

"Precisely…." Chakotay covered Kathryn with a blanket before he sat back down on the side of the bed next to her sleeping form and took her hand in his.

Tom placed a hand on his shoulder…. "I'm glad you both finally came to terms Commander…. Equal terms…." He smiled once again before turning to leave. Orders or no orders, he needed to see B'Elanna.

As the doors slid closed behind Tom, Chakotay studied Kathryn's face carefully tracing the lines of it with his fingers. He pressed his hand gently against the wound, as he leaned over to kiss her. "Forgive me, my love. For all the pain that I have put you through these last few weeks, and for all of the heartache I've caused you for the past four years. I love you Kathryn. I love you."

As she turned on her side, Chakotay crawled into the bed beside her, wrapping his arms around her as he drifted off to sleep for the first time in four days.

********

"You're not serious?!" B'Elanna turned quickly around in her seat.

"I certainly am… But you've got to swear to me you won't breathe a word of it. Chakotay will kill us both. If he even knew I was speaking to you right now, I think he'd strangle me with his own bare hands."

"No he wouldn't…." She scoffed.

"You didn't see the look in his eyes B'Elanna. I'm telling you… he would do anything to protect that woman…including killing someone if he had to…to prevent them from telling the truth." He tugged at his turtleneck, swallowing hard at the thought.

B'Elanna sighed and closed her eyes. She said a silent prayer. "Then just make sure you don't."

"Tuvok's bound to find out! And the Doctor! Remember, Chakotay relieved her of her command pending further medical evaluation. You don't think he's not going to notice a six inch scar running down her side at her next examination?" Tom was pacing. He hated being trapped in a lie, especially when he wasn't the one who created it.

"We've got to think of something. At least for the next couple of days, until that gash has time to heal."

Tom rolled his eyes and folded his arms. "Well, I'm all out of brilliant ideas for the moment. The last time I suggested something, all hell broke loose between those two. Lies, deceit, betrayal, emotional outbursts…and now the Captain wound up being relieved of her command because of it. No. This time it's your turn."

B'Elanna sneered at him. "Gee thanks…. Maybe we should just leave well enough alone this time."

"And have Chakotay thrown into the brig for covering an attempted suicide?! No thanks! The way things are going right now, I don't want to be First Officer. Tuvok may be a Vulcan, but something tells me he would not be a 'pleasant' Captain at the moment."

They looked at each other in silence. Each was trying to figure out what to do next.

********

She stirred reaching her hand across to the pillow next to her only to find it empty. She started to bolt upright, as she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Whoa… Just go back to sleep."

She gazed at him through sleep filled eyes. "Where are you going?"

"I've got the first shift. Remember, for the time being I'm Captain of this bucket of bolts." He grinned mischievously.

She sneered at him playfully. "Don't you dare talk about my ship that way."

"Until the Doctor and I deem otherwise, it's now my ship… And don't you forget it." He kissed her tenderly on the forehead as he got up.

Kathryn reached for his hand, and gazed at him pleadingly. "Please Chakotay…. Re-instate me, I'm all right…."

His eyes darkened with concern as he spoke. "No you're not. Face it Kathryn. You're strong, but we all have our breaking point. You finally reached yours. I love you too much to watch you go through that again. You've shouldered the weight of this whole horrible ordeal on your shoulders these past two months, and it's time you got some relief. You need to rest Kathryn. Let me take the controls for the next couple of days. Besides, I can't do it without the Doctor's approval. And unfortunately, that little stunt you pulled last night would give him the one reason to deny your reinstatement…permanently…."

She frowned. Chakotay was right. Her attempted suicide would be the last straw with the history of her actions over the last two months. "Then stay with me today. You need to rest too. You may be up and walking around carefree today, but you seem to forget that I know what you've been through these last few weeks. And… I know that last night was the first night you've slept in over four days. Please Chakotay stay.…" Her face was filled with concern and desire….

He raised his eyebrows at the temptation. Then shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Like I said…you need to rest…and you won't get that if I'm here."

"Afraid you might lose control, and take advantage of me in my weakened condition." She patted the bandage on her side as she grinned, her eyes sparking with mischief.

He countered with volley of his own. His own eyes betraying the mischief he felt. "No. Afraid that you might." He ducked as the pillow hit the wall behind him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ship to run. I'll be back in time for dinner."

"No lunch?" She folded her arms across her chest and feigned a pout. "At least I brought you lunch when you were bedridden."

"Ha. Ha." He scoffed at her remark. "I've got to meet with Tuvok and the Doctor to discuss your condition. I've got to try and figure out a way to keep them at bay until that scratch has time to heal."

Kathryn frowned. He was taking a great risk to protect her. "Just be careful Chakotay. I imagine Tuvok is at his breaking point…that is, if Vulcan's have a breaking point."

"Don't worry. I will. Remember, no visitors. I'm going to re-post the guards."

"I understand… Captain…." She let the word roll off her tongue slowly….

"Now I could get used to the sound of that." His grinned at her wickedly before he exited and headed for the bridge.

********

Tuvok was getting annoyed with Paris. Tom had been tapping his foot beneath his console impatiently for over an hour. His keen Vulcan mind told him that something was amiss. Paris was notorious for keeping secrets. And no doubt he was keeping a secret about Chakotay's actions from the night before. Perhaps Chakotay was too close to the situation to effectively determine Captain Janeway's condition. He raised an eyebrow as he remembered the computer's response to his inquiry as to the new Captain's location in the early morning hours….

He quickly suppressed the thought as Chakotay exited the turbolift…walking onto the bridge. All eyes turned and there seemed to be one loud gasp, as every member of the bridge inhaled at once. Chakotay's eyes caught Tom's and Tom just grinned, beaming with delight, before he turned back to his console.

Harry closed his eyes and said a prayer of thanks before extending his hand to Chakotay. "Congratulations Comm… Captain. You've beaten it."

Chakotay smiled at the young ensign's enthusiasm. He inhaled deeply, taking in the well wishes of the crew. Love could indeed perform miracles. And it had been his love for Kathryn, and the fear of her taking her own life that had cured him, but he could never admit to the later…not ever…. "Thank you Harry. Thank each and every one of you. Your friendship and support have helped a great deal and I am eternally grateful."

Tuvok raised his eyebrow. "Good morning, Captain. I am most pleased to see you 'up and around' once again. Congratulations."

Chakotay grinned at Tuvok's sense of humor, though he had never known Tuvok to be anything but logical…and never ever humorous. "Thank you Tuvok. I must admit it does feel good."

"Your orders?"

Chakotay glanced at Tuvok, so much for the salutations, he thought to himself. He wondered if Tuvok ever let his guard down. "Slow to impulse. Maintain course. I'll be in the ready room reviewing the latest series of diagnostic reports. Advise me of any anomalies."

"Understood." As Chakotay walked by him, Tuvok spoke up. "Captain. May I speak with you privately?"

Chakotay studied him for a brief moment before tilting his head in the direction of the ready room. "By all means Commander."

Tuvok followed Chakotay into the ready room that only twenty-four hours before, had belonged to Kathryn Janeway. He straightened his shoulders as Chakotay took his seat behind the desk. His voice was stoic. "Captain Chakotay. You realize of course, that we must begin our investigation into Captain Janeway's condition and the possibility of her re-instatement as Captain of Voyager, pending the results of that investigation. We must determine her capacity to command."

Chakotay sighed. He was hoping to at least have a cup of tea before tending to this difficult task at hand. Not proving her capacity, but hiding her attempted suicide. He chose his words carefully. "I understand your impatience Tuvok. I want to get this thing over with as soon as possible myself. Kath…the Captain… has been under a great deal of duress over the past two months, thanks to my idiotic pride, but I think we need to take our time before we initiate a witch hunt."

Tuvok couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at Chakotay's reference to his pride. "I do not follow you Captain."

"I think all she needs is a couple days rest and relaxation. Free from the worries of running this ship and crew. I told you Tuvok. She's a strong woman. She'll snap out it. I know she will."

Tuvok studied him for a moment. It was unclear if Chakotay was hiding something. If he was, he was hiding it well. "Are you suggesting we delay the investigation?" He raised an eyebrow.

Chakotay stared at him. Tuvok was one cool customer. "Not permanently of course. I just think we should allow her to get some rest over the next couple of days. Conducting 'tests' on her mental capacity while she's exhausted may only aggravate her condition. I want to make sure she's able to handle the tests physically. She deserves a fair chance Tuvok. I plan on giving it to her. I don't relish this anymore than you do, but I will not crucify her in the process. We hold off the tests until I say she's ready. Do I make myself clear Commander?"

Tuvok inhaled and became stoic as he studied Chakotay. "Perhaps you are too close to the situation, Captain."

Chakotay glared at him. "Do you want to relieve me as well Tuvok?"

Tuvok met his gaze. Chakotay was definitely hiding something…but what? "Not at all Captain. We will wait for your approval to proceed with the investigation. However, you do remember that we are scheduled to meet with the Doctor at 1100 hours to further discuss Captain Janeway's condition. Do you wish to postpone that as well?"

Chakotay was about to speak when B'Elanna's voice came over his comm link. "Torres to Captain Chakotay."

He hit his comm badge. "Chakotay here. What is it B'Elanna?"

"Captain, I'm having some problems with the mobile holo-projector. I'll need to bring the Doctor's program offline until I can find the problem." Tuvok raised his eyebrows.

Chakotay glanced at Tuvok. "Is that really necessary B'Elanna?"

"I'm afraid so Captain. Currently, the readings are sporadic. I'm afraid that if I leave the Doctor's holo-emitter operational, I could jeopardize his program altogether."

"How long before the repairs are completed?"

"Difficult to say. I'll work as quickly as I can."

"Very well. Chakotay out." He turned his glance towards Tuvok. "Well, Commander, so much for our meeting with the Doctor."

Tuvok's eyebrows raised. He spoke slowly. "Yes… It appears that it will have to be postponed."

Chakotay and Tuvok studied each other carefully. The silence between them was deafening. Chakotay finally spoke. "Yes Commander. It will have to be postponed. We'll re-schedule for later tomorrow."

Tuvok nodded. "As you wish, Captain. If you'll excuse me, I have to meet with Seven in Astrometrics."

"Dismissed." As Tuvok exited the ready room, Chakotay sighed, thankful that their brief meeting was finished. He would definitely have his hands full keeping Tuvok at bay for the next twenty-four hours. He returned to the bridge and sat down as Tom quickly glanced in his direction, before turning his gaze to his pilot's console. Chakotay studied the young pilot from behind. "Just what are you and B'Elanna up to Paris?" he thought to himself.

********

The chime signaled for entry. Kathryn glanced up from her PADD novel. "Computer, identify visitor."

"Lieutenant Commander Tuvok."

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "Shit." She suddenly felt trapped. Tuvok may be her best friend, but he was still Chief Security Officer of Voyager…and a stickler for protocol and StarFleet regulations. He would not be amused with her antics of the previous evening. She grabbed her robe and put it over her shoulders. She pulled the covers up around her, carefully covering the area over the bandage, lest it be revealed. She inhaled deeply to calm her nerves. "Enter."

Tuvok entered. "Captain Janeway, how are you feeling this afternoon?"

She smiled at his choice of words. "I'm feeling much better Tuvok. Thank you. Please…would you care to sit down?"

Tuvok loosened. "Thank you." As he sat down, he noticed the triage kit on the table next to her bed. He glanced at Kathryn and raised his eyebrow. "Captain? Has anything happened?"

Kathryn caught the glance and cursed herself for not thinking about the kit. Her mind raced for an explanation. "Oh nothing. Just a scratch. I'm fine."

Tuvok studied her. His eyes quickly surveyed her physical appearance. There were no visible wounds, and he couldn't help but wonder where her scratch was. His keen Vulcan senses told him that something had happened last night, and it involved not only her, but Chakotay as well. "I'm grateful that you are unharmed. Is there anything that you require Captain?"

Kathryn closed her eyes, thankful that she hadn't tried to slash her wrists. "Nothing. I just want this entire ordeal to be over with. I feel like such a fool Tuvok. How's Chakotay?"

Tuvok raised his eyebrow and tilted his head at her choice of words and her evident concern about the man who had relieved her of her command. "The Commander is fine."

She smiled. "How's he adjusting to his new role?"

"Commander Chakotay is quite capable of commanding this ship, however, I sense that he is more concerned about your health for the present. In addition to his role as Captain, he has taken it upon himself to act as your medical advisor. He has determined that you are in need of some further rest and relaxation before we conduct our tests to determine your mental capacity to command this ship. Furthermore, he has instructed me that you are to be left alone and allowed no visitors for the next twenty –four hours."

"Really?" She had to squelch the smile forming on her lips, as she listened to Tuvok's description of Chakotay. It was obvious that Tuvok was irritated with Chakotay's decisions. Decisions that contradicted StarFleet regulations. She sensed that Tuvok suspected something. She thought, "Be careful my love…. Tuvok plays a mean game of chess…."

"You disagree?"

"Not at all Tuvok. I've had a good night's sleep and time to think about the Commander's decision to relieve me of my command. He was right. I have been acting a bit irrationally over these last few days."

Tuvok frowned. "Days Captain?"

Her eyes narrowed. Sometimes Tuvok could be such a bore. "All right…weeks…. But just the same, Chakotay was right. I'm not going to argue with any of you. I'll respect your decision, and follow your recommendations. Chakotay is now Captain of this ship until the investigation is complete. He is in command, and I will accept his authority."

"I find it curious that you would feel that way considering the current state of affairs between you and the Commander."

Kathryn swallowed hard to keep calm. Tuvok was fishing. She decided to throw him some bait. "The current state of affairs between the Commander and myself is private Tuvok. It should not be allowed to interfere with either my, or Chakotay's ability, to command this vessel. Unfortunately, these past four days, I let it do just that, and Chakotay made the right decision to relieve me. If Chakotay has determined that I need to rest before you begin your tests, then I will obey his wishes."

Tuvok acknowledged her with a nod, confirming his suspicions. He had assumed correctly. They were both hiding something that happened the night before. She was being too agreeable to the decisions of a man that only twenty-four hours hence, she wanted to kill with her bare hands. He decided that pressing the point further would be of little use…. The Captain and Commander Chakotay were in love, and they had obviously worked out their differences, as they were now adamantly trying to protect the other. He sighed. StarFleet regulations and protocol would have to wait…. Afterall, they were in the Delta Quadrant…. His tone softened. "A wise decision Captain. I'm sure the Commander only has your best interests at heart." He rose. "If you'll excuse me. I'm sure that Captain Chakotay will want to speak with you later." He started to exit her quarters. "I will see that you are not disturbed further. Good evening Captain."

As he left, Kathryn grinned… Tuvok was a good officer, but also a good friend and confidant. She couldn't help but wonder if that was a faint smile she caught on his lips before he exited.

********

She had been dreaming of that night and moaned softly, as she felt his lips on her cheek. She opened her eyes to gaze into those two dark pools that had stolen her heart. "Mmmm…. It's about time you got back." She rolled onto her back and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him on the mouth.

Chakotay grinned. "Some of us have to work for a living, and don't have the luxury of lying around all day doing nothing. I've got a ship to run remember?"

She sneered at him playfully. "That's your own fault. I was perfectly willing to continue my role as Captain, and leave you to further other pursuits…." She traced her fingers along his tattoo.

He closed his eyes at her touch. Her fingers stirring emotions in his groin. He sighed heavily and kissed her tenderly before pulling away from her. "And what pursuits would those be? I rather like being Captain."

"Don't get too used to it Commander. I'm sure I will be deemed worthy of command once your investigation is complete. Then I will be Captain." She started to kiss his neck, as her hands stroked his shoulders, gliding over the black silk shirt he was wearing, sending electricity through his veins.

"My investigation is liable to take quite some time. I cannot re-instate you without the Doctor's collaboration, and he is temporarily off-line for maintenance to his mobile holo-projector." He lowered his mouth to hers, as his hands pushed the straps of her gown off her shoulders.

She pulled away and frowned. "What?"

Chakotay could only grin. "I imagine that Tom didn't keep this a secret from B'Elanna." He gently patted the bandage on her side. "She's been 'working' on getting the program restored for the better part of the day."

Kathryn grinned. "I see…. I take it the diagnostics are taking longer than expected." Her hands had found their way inside his shirt, and she twirled her fingers around his nipples.

Chakotay groaned as he lowered his mouth to kiss her neck and shoulders. "Much longer than expected. It could be another day before he's back on line. I don't think B'Elanna is working at full capacity. I think I'll need to speak with her about it."

She pushed the shirt down from his shoulders and placed her mouth on his right nipple, gently biting it as her tongue teased it. Her breath was hot against his skin. "What are you going to say?"

He was still leaving a trail of kisses along her shoulders as he shed his shirt. He felt her hands on his belt, and unfastening his jeans. He gazed into her eyes. His words came from the back of his throat. "I'm going to thank her for her dedication and devotion to duty." His mouth claimed hers once again in a passionate kiss, his hands tugging at her gown. Frustrated with its reluctance, he grabbed the neck of it and ripped it from her body.

She gasped. "Chakotay! Control yourself!" She was shocked by his action, but her eyes betrayed her desire.

He pushed himself away long enough to shed his jeans. He gazed down at her. His eyes taking in her naked form. His eyes darkened with the desire overwhelming him. He placed his hands on her shoulders and held her firmly against the bed. His mouth twisted into a wicked grin. "I am in control my dear…. I told you once that I would determine the time Kathryn…that I would not assault you as your First Officer, but that as a man…I would…." He lowered his face so that his mouth hovered only centimeters away from hers. His words were low and husky. "Now is the time Kathryn…. You challenged me, and I accepted. Before this battle is over, you will surrender to me."

She tried to push him away. "You go to Hell!" Her eyes sparked with flashes of passionate anger as she realized what he intended to do. Her breath quickened as she felt the warmth overcome her.

As he grabbed her wrists and raised them above her head, her body arched in response, pressing her breasts against his bare chest. A wicked grin crossed his face. "Only if you send me there first." He claimed her mouth once more, roughly and forcefully. His body covered hers as he wrapped his legs around hers, pinning her to the bed beneath him.

She struggled half-heartedly against him. Her passions were raging. She wanted him more than life itself. Memories of the holodeck and that night he had come to her were flooding her mind. But this time there was no 'place of heaven'. No ethereal illumination to form a halo around their bodies. No promises that all would be well. This time, they were truly a man and a woman. Embroiled in a passionate struggle. She wanted to fight him, struggle against him, make him pay for the Hell he had put her through these past two months. But all she could do was surrender to the warmth of his bronzed body covering hers, his firm hold around her wrists, his mouth claiming hers roughly and passionately. The words escaping the back of her throat were not her own. "Oh Chakotay! Please…."

"Please what Kathryn. You must say it…." His eyes flashed.

She briefly came to her senses as he released his lips to speak. She stared into his eyes. Her mouth twisted. "No! I won't say it! Never!"

Chakotay shifted and took both wrists in his left hand as he placed his right between them. He began to massage her bare folds mercilessly. His fingers were ruthless and she bucked her hips against him. His index and middle finger twirled around her hardening nub as his legs pressed against her. He gazed into her eyes and grinned before kissing her again. His legs tightened around hers, preventing her from moving against his hand. He moved his thumb so that it took position over her clitoris. She moaned against his kiss, the sound of her passion echoing into his mouth. He looked deep into her eyes before plunging three fingers into her at once. Kathryn gasped as he began to massage her roughly from within. Her head tossed from side to side as pain became pleasure. He grinned as he spoke. "Are you ready to say it yet Kathryn?"

She was breathless, struggling to maintain control. She couldn't, she wouldn't give in…. She'd never surrender to him… "Never! I'm still Captain… I will never… never…" His hand thrust once again inside her as his thumb circled against her clit, pressing against it hard. She bucked beneath him wildly. She lost control, and felt the resistance of his hand as her insides tightened around it. She screamed as he covered her mouth with his. "Ahhhhh! Chakotay!!"

He pulled his hand from within and placed his fingers next to his mouth, tasting her sweet juice. He then pressed them against her mouth. "You forget Kathryn… Currently, I'm Captain… and you will follow my orders…. Take them Kathryn…. Lick your sweetness off…. That's an order…."

"As you wish… Captain…." Her eyes were dark with passion as the waves inside her stilled. She licked her lips before taking his fingers, twirling her tongue around them as she licked and sucked her juices from each finger in turn. He moved his hand in and out of her mouth as she continued the sucking motion, her eyes half closed with desire.

"You do that well…. But I think it is time you prove your worth as a member of this crew." He kissed her again, tasting her juice on her lips before he shifted and positioned himself over her chest as he bent forward. "Take me in your mouth… And be quick about it…."

"Aye aye Captain…." She opened her mouth and he thrust forward.

He gazed down at her. "Use your hands." He released his hold on her wrists as he shifted so she could move her hands around him.

Her eyes were glistening with tears. He felt so alive in her mouth. So wonderfully alive. She'd obey his every command if it meant she'd have him like this always. "Yes sir…." She began to stroke his cock up and down. Licking and sucking the entire length of his shaft, flicking and twirling her tongue around it, as he swelled within her mouth. Moans of desire escaped her as she felt herself warm once again. Her eyes closed as she massaged his balls, before taking each of them in her mouth, gently suckling them as she felt them tighten. Her hands continued to stroke his head lightly, relentlessly teasing him with the fleshy part of her hand between the thumb and forefinger. He groaned and moved his hips, thrusting his hardened shaft against her mouth as she moaned with delight.

He felt the surge of heat in his loins. He groaned…. "Ohhh….Kathryn…. it's time…." He managed to pull away from her as he released his juices on her chest. He was shuddering from his orgasm, when she grabbed his buttocks with her hands and covered his cock once more, taking the last release in her mouth. Chakotay groaned as he threw his head back, eyes closing as they rolled back into his head.

She stroked the back of his legs as the shuddering subsided. Kathryn licked her lips as she released him, gazing up at his heaving chest, and tranquil face. "Did I prove myself worthy Captain…?" The words rolled off her tongue slowly and meticulously.

Chakotay lowered his head and gazed into her face. She was smiling wickedly as he shifted. An evil grin crossed his lips and as he grabbed her shoulder and turned her over onto her stomach. "Not yet. I have another duty for you to perform first."

Her voice was throaty, husky with desire as she raised her hips and buttocks against him. "What is the Captain's pleasure?"

He was still hard with desire and he clasped his hands on her hips, pulling her against him. "This!" He thrust into her moistened folds suddenly and she released a cry of pain as her folds stretched to accommodate his size.

It had been so long…so very long… and she felt like he would rip her apart as he thrust forward. The pain was exquisite, and she felt herself reach the edge instantly. She bucked against him. Crying out his name. "Chakotay….!"

He placed his thumb at the entrance to her anus, as he reached around and rubbed her clit, pressing his hand against her, as he continued to thrust in and out of her at a feverish pace. "You may be Captain of this ship, but when we are alone together you will follow my orders. Do you understand?"

She twisted her hips, grinding against him. The words of his 'assault' bringing her innermost desires and passions to the surface. She continued the battle…. Driving herself to the edge…. "I… I will not…"

He grabbed the back of her hair and pulled her head back as he bent over her, twisting her head so that he could kiss her on the mouth. His words were harsh and passionate. "You will not be The Mistress of Torture as long as I have you in my control. You will follow my orders, by all the God's you will! You are mine, and don't you forget that! Surrender to me Kathryn. Surrender your heart…your body…your soul to me. Surrender your passions. Release them to me!"

His hands were relentless and he thrust harder with each ministration. She felt herself falling, her head reeling from passion. "No…never…!" She was breathless. Gasping for breath as he continued to assault her breasts and clitoris with his hands, assaulting her mouth and neck with his fiery kisses. She moaned, trying to hold back the passionate juices threatening to spill forth.

"Then I will take them by force!" He grabbed her hips with both hands, positioning his hand so that his thumb pressed against her anus once more. He thrust hard against her, burying himself to the hilt in her hot inner sanctum. He felt the tip of his head press against her cervix as she cried out.

She felt like he would pierce her very heart. She flung her head back as she arched her back, pushing harder against him. She could no longer hold back. The gates of Heaven and Hell opened and she felt the juices spill forth, flooding her senses as she cried out. "I surrender! I surrender!" The words came forth through tears of joy as she bucked against him, shuddering from the ecstasy that was overwhelming her.

As she tightened around him Chakotay tightened his hold on her hips, releasing his hot liquid into her forcefully. His body shuddering as he cried out her name…. "Kathryn!"

The force of his climax sent her over the edge once more and she cried out his name as "Captain" before collapsing on the bed. Chakotay collapsed on top of her as he buried his head in her hair…. They were gasping for breath, heaving as their passions stilled, and the afterglow took effect. Ever so slowly he pulled out of her, as she let out a muffled cry. The forced release of her muscles, sending exquisite sensations through her once again. As he wrapped his arms around her, she turned to face him, tracing the lines of his tattoo with her fingers. She kissed him tenderly at first, then more passionately as her desire increased. "Am I worthy Captain?"

He gazed deep into her eyes. "I'll take it under advisement. In the meantime, I have other plans for you… You have, afterall surrendered yourself to me. I have won this battle… and to the victor go the spoils." He claimed her mouth once again, as his hand cupped her breast. Her back arching, pressing her breasts upward towards his chest, as she ground her hips against him, pleading for more.

She was breathing hard, when he released her lips. Her gaze met his. "You have won this battle Chakotay…there will be others… Of that, I promise you…." She kissed him again as her hand stroked his nipples.

"Empty promises?" He grinned at her. Goading her.

"You go to Hell…."

"Only if you send me there first…." He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him as he took her breast in his mouth.

She moaned as she clasped her hands around his head, pulling it back so that she could claim his lips as forcefully and roughly as he had her own.

Before the night would end, she would send him to Hell and back eight more times….

********

The chirp of his comm badge stirred him to awaken. She was still asleep across his chest where she had finally collapsed only two hours before…

"Tuvok to Captain Chakotay."

He cursed under his breath as he reached for the badge. "Chakotay here."

"Captain…. Is everything all right? You are late for your shift."

"Everything is fine Tuvok. You have the bridge. I have some things I'd like to discuss with Kath…Captain Janeway before I assume my shift. I'd like to further research her condition before we speak with the Doctor later this afternoon." He pulled her close and kissed her on the top of her head.

"Captain?"

"You have your orders Tuvok. I don't want to be disturbed again unless it's an emergency. Chakotay out."

He quickly signed off. He couldn't help but wonder what the Vulcan's face looked like at the present moment. Tuvok would undoubtedly check the computer for his whereabouts, but he didn't care.

Kathryn stirred…. "He'll question where you are. You realize that don't you?"

"I don't care. I'll deal with that later. In the meantime, I'm still Captain. You need to rest. Now go back to sleep. That's an order…." He kissed her tenderly.

"Aye, aye Captain…." She dozed back off to sleep as he stroked her hair.

He wrapped his arms around her as she nuzzled closer to his chest. He gently kissed her brow, and a faint smile crossed her lips as she slept.

Chakotay sighed and closed his eyes. In her arms, he was in heaven. In her arms he was whole. He was alive, now more than ever…and he was no longer paralyzed. She had battled Heaven and Hell to save his life and his soul, and she'd won. But he had won the battle of her heart. He had won her body, mind and soul….

When he re-instated her tomorrow he would continue to follow her orders as her First Officer no matter what, but he'd no longer challenge her decisions because of his pride. And he knew now that she would no longer challenge his abilities and try to protect him from harm. Now she not only respected him as her First Officer, she respected him as a man as well. The man she loved more than life itself.

Two months ago, the challenge had been made and accepted. And several battles had been fought between them since, each yielding little ground to the other. But in this battle, each of them had been the victor. And to the victor, go the spoils….

Tomorrow they would walk side by side onto the bridge and take their places as Captain and First Officer of Voyager…. Equals…. One in body, mind and spirit…. They were truly one for an eternity….

For that he was eternally grateful….

For that was indeed…his own Sweet Victory….

The end….

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