I'm really writing about my friend, she's been through loads, her mum and dad split up and at the same time she failed all of her exams and got rejected from the university place she wanted to get.  Because of this she got chucked out of her house and is living with me at the moment. 

The real problem is that she doesn't want to see anyone about her situation, so it is hard for me to tell you these things.  If she carries on as she is now we will end up doing something drastic and   I'm scared of that because I value her friendship.   I have tried to encourage her to see a counsellor, but because of past experiences with them she does not want to go.  When I suggest that she gets offended and says that she isn't mad and doesn't want to see a shrink.  She off loads all her problems on me and it is starting to get me down too,  I can't cope with it I do have my own worries even if they are nothing compared to hers.  She puts me in difficult situations and asks me what I would do if it was happening to me, I can't answer her questions and I really think she needs to see someone who can, but I don't know any more ways to suggest this to her.

Can you help?

Anon n

First of all, you have to know your own limitations - how much are you prepared to go through with your friend? 

Obviously as her friend and particularly as she's staying at your house, you naturally listen to her problems, but it seems as if your friend has taken things too far and getting you bogged down as well.  All I can suggest is that you talk to her about this and tell her how you feel.

If your friend is putting you into awkward positions and you feel that you can't cope, don't worry it's not your fault, as it's not your job to be her counsellor.  Again talk to her about this and tell how it makes you feel, not to be able to help her.

I also suggest that you keep giving her hints that she should go and see someone even if it's not a counsellor by  leaving leaflets around for things such as Youthline (0800 096 1425), careers centre (01905  765525) and under 25's (01905 23925) or even just telephone numbers with a name or anything like that.

If there is any further information you would like please feel free to call Youthline on 0800 096 1425, its free and confidential.