I am 19 years old and I have never had a girlfriend.  I go out all the time, and I have never been in a relationship.   This has never been a problem with me, but I have recently found myself fantasising about men I particular a boy called James in my Geography lectures at University.   I am now worried that I might be gay.  I have given this a lot of thought and I'm sure of it, but I am scared to tell my family and friends as I have no idea how they will react.  This is making me desperately unhappy, and I feel trapped.  I don't have any gay friends or know of anyone who is gay.  I feel very isolated and lonely.   I know I can't go on like this, but I am scared of rejection from my family and loosing my friends.  Please help.

Dave

You have made the first big step, in admitting to yourself that you are gay.  You are now ready to make the next step which is 'coming out'.  Being gay isn't good, bad, right or wrong.  It just is, but unfortunately those who are gay have to cope with the problem of dealing with other people's preconceptions, as most people assume they are straight.

The most difficult thing about coming out for most is not knowing how people will react,  it is a good idea to tell your closest and oldest friend first they are likely to be the most supportive, coming out will show who your real friends are, but don't let those who are prejudice get you down.   They are the ones with the problem not you.

Telling your family could prove tricky, to them you are still their 'little boy', and they may have expectations such as grandchildren, so they could let you down.  they might have old fashioned views, heard misinformed rumours or have strict religious views on being gay.  It may take sometime for them to get used to and accept.  If your parents do react badly try to make you see a priest  or a doctor remember they have no legal right to do so.   It is more likely though that they come to accept you as you are, and will love you and offer their support in any way they can

Coming out will probably be a great relief, but it could mean tension between you and your family and friends, who will time to adjust.  But you are still the same person, and things should settle

Also your University will have a gay society or community.  if you were to join this you would find out more about the gay clubs and groups, this would allow you to socialise and help realise you aren't the only one

If you would like more information, listed below are some useful helplines, including some for parents who don't know how to cope:

Albert Kennedy trust      Tel:  0171 831 6562 Advice and support for gay & bisexual teenagers

Friend      Tel:  0171 837 3337                                  For people having problems related to their sexuality

Glad        Tel:   0171 837 5212                                 Gay and lesbian legal advice

Worcester gay men's health project                Tel:     01905  619 884

Hereford and Worcester Lesbian and Gay Switchboard   Tel:  01905 723 097

Lesbian and gay switchboard                         Tel: 0171 837 7324

Jewish lesbian and gay helpline                      Tel:    0171 706 3123

Worcester Aids Foundation                                   Tel:    01905 763 973

Childline                 Tel:    0800 11 11                         Address:   Childline, Freepost 1111, London, N10BR

Youthline          Tel :   0800 096 1425                       E-mail youth.line@virgin.net

Samaritans           Tel:   01905 211 21